CHAPTER ONE: TURN THREE
Noticing the hesitation of the meow minions, Paul McCartney attempted to recruit them to his cause!
"WAIT, man!” shouts
McCartney, as
Archimedes bursts into the corridor with his new gun.
“Looks like many more of our friends live next door! Here pussy pussy!” he calls out to the cattybaras,
“I’ve got, like, some tuna or something guys! In non-communist Britain, there is as much tuna as you could possibly want, and it’s all like multicoloured! None of this boring grey and monotonous red communist stuff! Hey – “ he says, as he brings his guitar up and fingers a chord,
“Listen to this, fellas.”
If you read the news today, oh boy
You’d hear about the fish in Eng-er-land
I know the news would make you sad
To hear all about the fish
I know it’s your favourite dish
But your chairman eats it all-ll-ll-ll-ll... Suddenly the three cattybaras look at each other quizzically: they shrug their shoulders and lower their guns! Why should only Chairman Miaow have an abundance of fish? As Archimedes takes his finger off the trigger, the three erstwhile commie cats run towards their
liberal saviours, tears of joy streaming down their smiling faces and thoughts of
plentiful fish running through their minds.
But then!The first two cats get to the midway point between the right door and the left door; there is a sudden
flash of steel, a sudden
pa-shing of noise, a sudden
wincing upon the faces of the bowienauts!
A dozen sharp blades shoot out the sides of the wall! The first two cats are skewered! Their bodies drop to the floor!
The third cattybara is shocked into remembering his communist duty – he foregoes all hope of fish and raises his sights to his eye once more. He aims down the barrel! He’s about to shoot down the evil capitalist with his
decadent music!Archimedes enters the corridor. He aimed the machine gun( he had been given a crash course in modern tech before the mission). Make sure he didn't forget anything( Open end aimed away from yourself, safety off, gun loaded) and fired. At last, that would be what he would do if his fellow mathemacian Paul McCartney wasn't succesfull.
Use the communists machine guns to liberally apply bullets to the guard capyabara's. Use mathematical powers to make sure the bullets are divided equally and to multiply the force utilised by the others
... Seeing the three would-be liberal cattybaras
abruptly change their minds,
Archimedes quickly works out the likelihood of
Paul getting shot, and realises he has to act! He shouts some basic – for him, anyway – calculations to his comrades and then mutters something about
end + enemy = end + hole. He glances down to check the Russian style submachine gun. The end with the hole is in the
right place! He sets his feet and pulls the trigger.
... Robes rippling dramatically in the passing wind, Archimedes of Syracuse fires on
full auto from the hip! A burst hits the communist cattybara in the upper body! A burst hits him in the legs! A burst shoots off his right arm! The cat-like monstrosity throws his furry claws into the air as a burst riddles his face and tears the tendons in his
communist skull! Archimedes keeps pulling the trigger, bullets
spraying into the ceiling until finally he clicks and clicks on the empty magazine and the bullets cease and the echoing explosions stop.
The cattybara drops to the floor, blood everywhere. The bullets seem to be divided
perfectly equally between the cattybara corpse and the ceiling! The noise seems to be divided perfectly between deafening and thunderous!
As the avalanche of noise subsides
Steve taps Archimedes on the shoulder.
“Hey, be careful with that thing mate. Twentieth century fully automatic gunfire is the closest approximation we humans can make to the mating call of the notorious red croc when it's in heat, and those things are literally all over China, mate. See, if we get just one of those things come down on us thinking we're a female red, well, we're gonna be in a who- OH CRIKEY MATE! What was I just saying! Hey guys, are you filming this? Jesus! What a stroke of luck! We could be searching for one of these in the wilderness for DAYS without finding one, this is really a privilege to be able to witness such a fi- OH SHIT! Uh, you guys better get back a little bit there, two red crocs at once, now, that's a dangerous thing. That could turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it's not even funny. I'm gonna need a stick.”Attracted by Archimedes' accurate approximation of the mating call of the
notorious female Chinese Red, two male communist crocodiles start wading out the door over the corpses of the cattybara guards!
“Hey, what you doing Davy?" shouts Stevo.
"Oh, Davy man, that's an endangered species right there mate!”Crockett mutters to himself "Blasted door must be solid oak. I loosened it up for that Australian fellow."
Take aim and fire! Blast the non-recruited commies with the rifle!
Watching
the furious Archimedes gun down the remaining cattybara in a flash of gunfire and blood,
Davy Crockett listens with astonishment as
Steve admonishes the Greek philosopher with some serious
apex predator information and prepares to move on into the depths of the communist fortress when he's interrupted by the Australian's excited and
passionate cries.
He sees the two fearsome predators lumber towards the bowienauts,
lust, hatred
and Marxism burning fiercely in their eyes!
Davy Crockett drops to one knee!
He
takes aim at the left hand croc!
“Hey, what you doing Davy?” comes an Australian voice beside him,
“Oh, Davy man, that's an endangered yet incredibly dangerous species right there mate!”Davy Crockett pulls the trigger!
... The
red croc's head is blown clean off!
It... it seems to fly off in an arc!
The second red croc waddles
steadily on as his comrade's blood sprays the walls!
Steve leaps to the closest cattybara enemy once his allies are done with their ranged barrage of attacks, and attempts to wrestle it into submission.
"Oh, crikey mate," says
Steve, seeing one of his
beloved reptiles shot down.
"Oh well, it was him or us I guess. Now let's deal with this sucker. Y'know, ya have to be careful with these fellas," the croc hunter concludes, voice slightly raised as he moves towards the commie fiend,
"They get real fiesty when directly attacked!" Pulling directly from his
vast store of reptilian knowledge and remembering that the commie crocodile has, in its
natural habitat at least, a profound weakness for all things on the left, Steve Irwin drops to a crouch and maneuvers his way past his
liberal comrades. He advances to the left hand side of the croc! The Chinese red crocodile seems to ignore his presence!
Stevo sneaks further up on the
deadly maoist reptile and jumps him from behind! He grabs him in an arm lock, gripping the jaws tight between his elbow and his body,
gently whispering threatening capitalist economic policies in his ear!
... The red croc starts to panic, thrashing about as it begins to resist, desperately trying to picture Chairman Miaow to shore up his
mental fortitude, and managing to roll over Steve and start getting the upper hand – but then
BOSH! Irwin leaps up and elbow drops the reptile in the face!
Grabbing him by the scruff of the neck, the
fearless crocodile hunter mutters a few last words about the
futility of five year plans before finishing off his pro-capitalist tirade.
"You're mine now mate... You so much as misbehave I'm gonna damn well make a pair of boots outta ya even if it goes against all my dearest principles of preservation and education..."Ally acquired! Steve Irwin has acquired a Turned Chinese Red Crocodile!
VITAL STATISTICS OF THE BOWIENAUTS
EFFECTS IN EFFECTMultiply this! Team has one more turn of +1 attack bonus.
Player: Talarion
Name: Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter
Status:Inventory: Khaki Shorts, Mate, Turned Chinese Red Crocodile (stunned).
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Croc Wrestler,
Oh Shit Is That... Player: freeformschooler
Name: Paul McCartney, The Last Beatle
Status:Inventory: Acoustic GuitarWounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: The Power of Gentle Loving,
I'm Not a Fighter, Man! Player: Toaster
Name: Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier
Status: -1 to Right Foot rolls
Inventory: Bowie Knife, Flintlock Rifle.
Wounds: [HP:75/75] |
Fractured Right Foot!Skills: Crack Shot,
You May All Go to Hell... Player: 10ebbor10
Name: Archimedes of Syracuse
Status:Inventory: A Remarkably Good Approximation of Pi, PPSh-41 Submachine Gun, two clips.
Wounds: [HP:75/75]Skills: Multiply This!,
Absent Minded! Sorry for having to slightly change your action Talarion – it was that or stand there commentating, I guess.
Edit note: missed an "an".
Author
Topic: The Magnificent Timelord - Epilogued (Read 249007 times)