I'd just like to observe that I personally absolutely detest that style of critiquing. Everything that follows is entirely based on opinion:
I can't speak for everyone, obviously, but to me it looks like you've basically reworked the piece to use your writing voice, which is bad. Also, you've edited according to a completely arbitrary set of rules. So, uh, you've edited it to be in a combination of your voice and George Orwell's, which I'm inclined to say will only stifle creativity in writing style. Also, I know that I much prefer to be able to rework my own stories, and not be handed an edited version for two reasons: the first is that you as the editor don't understand the subtleties of the author's intentions, and the second is that it's (for me) better for improvement to work over the piece personally. (And I don't even know what this counts as except not particularly mature, but I find it amusing that you used the passive voice to criticise their use of passive voice. Was that intentional?)
I am by no means going to tell you not to do that, but I am going to ask that you not do it to my stories. Everything you said apart from the edited version I'm okay with, though.
I am sorry that I offended you. Let me address some of the points you raised to at least justify myself (a little):
1. "I can't speak for everyone, obviously, but to me it looks like you've basically reworked the piece to use your writing voice, which is bad"
I haven't done that actually, if I had, there would be greater changes in syntax, word choice, word order etc. etc. Furthermore, I wouldn't consider myself to have a "voice". Truly enduring writers have a "voice"; its beyond good or bad writing.
2. "So, uh, you've edited it to be in a combination of your voice and George Orwell's, which I'm inclined to say will only stifle creativity in writing style."
If I've edited to fit Orwell's voice (again see above regarding voice), then it can only be for the better. Orwell is generally considered to be a great writer (one of the "enduring writers" I just spoke of) and if one's writing is similar to his, its a helluva good start. Also, I disagree that emulation will "stifle creativity". This is a very common misconception, both in art (copying drawings or emulating technique) and in writing. The reason is simple, "writing style" emerges from emulation. By copying the style of various authors you begin to construct your own, this is not merely my own opinion but that of many other accomplished writers. In any case, I don't believe I was enforcing any "style" or "voice", since the rules I used are more or less universal (i.e recommended by all professional writers).
3. " Also, I know that I much prefer to be able to rework my own stories, and not be handed an edited version for two reasons: the first is that you as the editor don't understand the subtleties of the author's intentions, and the second is that it's (for me) better for improvement to work over the piece personally. "
Fair enough, but given the medium, I find its just faster to edit everything first, then work out the authors meaning in subsequent posts. My edits are by no means the final word, there are the start to a discussion where such subtitles can be explored. I also give some reasons for my edits, which I made sure were grounded in the universal rules I spoke of above.
4. "(And I don't even know what this counts as except not particularly mature, but I find it amusing that you used the passive voice to criticise their use of passive voice. Was that intentional?)"
Did I lol? And no it wasn't intentional, I'm just a little more lax when it comes writing something which is not going to be critiqued.
5. "I am by no means going to tell you not to do that, but I am going to ask that you not do it to my stories"
I'm sorry you feel that way. I did put a lot of effort into editing the mentioned piece (something like 2 hours) and I would do the same for yours. However, if you don't want me critiquing your stories, that's totally fine. I'm just trying to help lol, I didn't mean to step on anyone's toes.
EDIT: Actually, as I re-read my edits I can see several things that I missed on my first pass.
EDIT: Ok, I fixed them.