Splitting off from the main story to follow the story a random minor character while both stories progress simultaneously within the same universe? I'm sure this is going to end well.
> Use your persuasion skill of 71 to attempt to settle the conflict peacefully.
> If that doesn't work, hop in a cat tank and LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
"QUIET!!" I shout, causing of the armies to silence their bickering, and putting all attention on me.
"There is no need for this." I say assertively. "What good will this conflict bring to anyone? Is there any purpose to it that will justify the resulting death and sorrow that we will all be forced to deal with if we go through with this fight? No, there isn't. I know that you're all in disagreement over who's to blame for the actions that led to my disqualification from the Tournament Deity Battle. I understand, But this is NOT the way we should be handling such a disagreement. Brothers, sisters, I ask that you lay down your weapons, and put aside your anger, so that we may settle this dispute without bringing any more unnecessary bloodshed into our lives. Gods know we already have enough of it as is..."
The members of each army quietly talk amongst themselves, and judging by what I can understand, most of them seem open to the idea of peace. I look to the high ranking member that stands beside me, and he silently nods in agreement. I then gaze across the lake to the high ranking member of the opposing army, who simply glares back at me in a rather unfriendly manner. "Please, it doesn't have to be this way." I say, as we continue to stare at each other.
I am uncomfortably surprised when I watch as the extravagant armored man begins walking straight over the lake to make his way to me. Treading atop the water as if it were solid ground. The stare is not broken for a single second as he makes it to the other side of the lake and approaches me.
Standing only inches away from me, he takes a few more seconds to look me over, before spitting in my face, and leaning in to tell me something.
"You want peace? Turn yourself in. Otherwise, stop your preaching and prepare to regret ever returning to the realm of mortals."This distasteful act of disrespect fills me with an unusual desire to obliterate my opposition using a heavily armored war vehicle that is in some way related to felines. After a quick glance around, I see that there are in fact several options that may allow me to satisfy this desire. There are tanks specially designed to be operated by cats, tanks aesthetically designed to resemble cats, and tanks that, disturbingly, seem to be literally made
of cats.
Knowing that it would be silly to try and control a tank designed for cats without first being a cat myself, and that a tank made of cats is almost as impractical as it is unsettling, I quickly decide to go with the second option.
Out of nowhere, a the army across from you equips themselves with miniguns that fire faster than the opposing army's miniguns. And summon a deathstar above them.
Apparently not very appreciative of the opposing high ranking member's insulting attitude, several hundred thousand members of the army on my side of the lake immediately aim their miniguns in his general direction. Strangely enough, this only causes him to chuckle, before giving a signal to his own army. Within moments, many members of the opposing army pull out their own miniguns. Discouragingly, theirs look to be much more sleek and advanced than the ones my supporting army is currently armed with.
"Hehehe...seems you're all still stuck with those pitiful, standard human models. Compared to ours, you might as well be throwing rocks! Oh, and I haven't even gotten to the best part yet..." He signals back to his army yet again, and one of the soldiers hastily pulls out a small radio. He speaks a few brief commands into it, and seconds afterward, the flying creatures that cover the sky on their side begin to part, allowing the sun to shine through once more. At least until it is eclipsed by a monumental circular space station.
"I picked that beauty up a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away from here. Never thought I'd get the chance to use it, though. Guess I should at least be thankful to you for giving me that opportunity, hm God-King?" he says to me with an arrogant smile.
"In just a couple hours, its superlaser will be fully charged, and I will be able to have this entire planet blown to dust with a single order. Even if you do somehow manage to win the fight down here, you'll all be vaporized before you can so much as breathe a sigh of relief. If you have even have even the slightest hint of sense in those sorry, rotten minds of yours, you'll surrender now, while you still have the choice."Hero Sock to the rescue! Single-handedly, he begins to actually take on all the armies, seeming indestructible. Through the distance you can see a giant red creature, ramming everything out of the way. Its Sock Puppet Man! He's Alive!... again... He rides Susan through the beings which are pushed aside as if they are nothing. While Hero Sock defeated quite a few, you have now gained both Hero Sock and Sock Puppet Man at your side, and the terrifying sight of Susan at your back. Sock Puppet hugs Hero Sock, "Hello old friend!" He smiles at Hero, it had been a while, Hero replies, tears streaming down his eyes. "Master, it is really you!" He cries for a moment until one of the creatures tries to run up and avenge some of his comrades against the Hero. He breaks his skull in without even looking with his fist. Sock Puppet man, pats him on the shoulder as the duo reunite. He screams to both sides of the armies. "We are the Sock Puppet Guild, and you will not harm Dirty Man!" Back on top of Susan now, he makes Susan roar. You wonder a little how Susan got back, but at least you have what was once a god's beast on your side again. Defeat the enemies using your wits, weapons and companions! Susan eats most of them though giving it bad gas.
>Super Dave: Somehow get hit by every single projectile fired. Every single one.
Hero Sock, not known for being the surrendering
nor sensical type, hurriedly jumps into action. He grabs ahold of the high ranking individual, and brutally rips his head off with his big, sock covered hands. Sadly, it was the the head of the high ranking individual that had been trying to assist me. He then chucks the detached head at the other, opposing high ranking individual. Successfully earning him hostility from both armies at once.
The deafening ring of millions upon millions of miniguns firing off simultaneously fills the air. Miniguns that are made completely useless when the indestructible man unexpectedly flies over the battlefield with an incredibly powerful magnet attached to him, causing every single round fired, along with the miniguns that fired them (and many other relatively lightweight, magnetically attractive objects), to be pulled up toward him at immense speeds, leaving Hero Sock free to continue ruthlessly tearing through the armies' ranks. Providing even more trouble for the armies, I spot a familiar six-armed beast charging over the horizon. Shoving even the more massive creatures out of its way as it runs toward the lake, and trampling over the smaller ones as if they were helpless insects, I soon find myself in the presence of the colossal Susan, with the sock puppet man sitting gleefully atop its head.
The sock puppet man climbs down from his monstrous friend to greet Hero Sock. The two share a heartwarming moment of caring and friendship. Unfortunately, a nearby goblin, who only minutes ago watched Hero Sock mercilessly slay several of his close friends and allies, isn't feeling quite as friendly, and sees this as a perfect opportunity for revenge. The goblin unsheathes a dagger hidden beneath his troll fur cloak, and after a small prayer to his primary god of worship, he makes his move.
The vengeful goblin charges at Hero Sock! Without even glancing at his attacker, Hero Sock delivers a mighty, bone shattering punch to the cranium.
Hero Sock punches the vengeful goblin in the head, shattering the skull and crushing the brain!As the armies encircle us, the sock puppet man declares that together, him and his partners form the Sock Puppet Guild, and that this guild refuses to let any harm be brought upon me. He then climbs back on top of Susan, who lets loose a bloodcurdling roar that sends chills throughout the bodies of its enemies. I am slightly curious about where the sock puppet man was able to find Susan, but shortly conclude that, as long as it isn't trying to kill me, such questions are of little importance right now.
As the opposition closes in, Hero Sock jumps right back into his remorseless rampage, as I open fire with the cat tank, successfully taking out several small clusters of soldiers. Operating a tank by oneself is no simple task, but I'd say my performance is acceptable, considering my previous total lack of experience. Susan runs around devouring just about any creature it is able to fit into its monstrous mouth. Though judging by the nauseating smell, something apparently isn't sitting very well with its stomach, not that that stops it from continuing to gorge itself. No, what brings the six-armed beast's gluttonous feeding to a halt, are the gigantic alien beings, controlling even more gigantic battle mechs, that seem to have taken offense to having their comrades eaten alive, and have decided to confront Susan.
> The prophet Medivh appears. "Enough! The Council of godly beings has convened. The Great Old Ones are demanding DZA attend a formal trial.
> The Lich King appears. "That's right chump. And I doubt your little Wizard friend here is going to help much by himself."
> The Dark Titan Sargeras appears. "And what am I? Chopped liver? The Great Old Ones pose a threat to everyone! And besides, the universe is mine!
The bloodshed rages on, until the fighting is brought to an abrupt stop by the appearance of three very powerful entities. One of which is the shapeshifting prophet, who announces that that the ancient pantheon responsible for annihilating my planet has called for me to be summoned to a formal trial, to have this whole mess sorted out once and for all. Beside him stand the blue-eyed king of the undead and the horned humanoid (the latter of which I still owe a game of chess), who seem willing to work with me, or at the very least not against me. If only because the ancient pantheon is just as much of a threat to them as it is to me.
"A trial!?" I exclaim, hopping out of the cat tank. "What am I supposed to do, sue them for blowing my planet up??"
quickly! punch the high ranking member of the opposing force, take his weapon, and ask for the flesh liberator on your side.
>suddenly, beings appear out of the reflection of the water, all fan headed, it seems these mirror beings also have something against you.
They are all armed with what seems to be a weaker version of the flesh liberator.
Just then, my disrespectful, high ranking opponent, apparently disregarding the current ceasefire, charges at me wielding a lavish yet well-made greatsword. Polished to a gleaming shine, adorned with elaborate symbols, and embedded with a variety of rare gems.
As he takes a swing with the beautifully crafted weapon, I deliver a well-timed punch that dislocates his jaw and sends him crashing to the ground, before taking the weapon for myself. It turns out to be surprisingly heavy, I can hardly even lift it off the ground without using both hands. "Has anyone seen a glowing spearsword, around ten feet in length, around here anywhere?" I ask, looking around the battlefield. "I can't quite recall where I last left it, and I'd much prefer using it over this cumbersome thing..."
After the only responses I get are a few confused expressions, I conclude that if anyone has seen Flesh Liberator near here, they aren't going to tell me. I then remember how I was once able to obtain my mystical spearsword using the reflective surface of a pond, and after staring intently at the nearby lake for a few moments, can think of no reason why I would not be able to pull off such a feat a second time.
I walk over to the edge of the lake and slowly submerge my hand into it. All appears to be going well, until the spear end a different spearsword thrusts up out from the water, nearly piercing right through my head, and forcing me to abandon my Flesh Liberator retrieval attempt.
I jump back, and watch as a horde of fan-headed beings, each one armed with a spearsword of their own, arise from the lake's reflective surface. Considering that less than a minute ago, one of them tried to assassinate me, I'm going to assume they're not on my team. And while I highly doubt that their spearswords match the unbridled power of Flesh Liberator, I am certain that they are in no way to be underestimated.
Dragging the lavish greatsword along with me, I run over to the recently arrived trio of powerful entities, and agree to attend the trial. Just so long as we can leave before I have to fight off a swarm of spearsword wielding fan-headed creatures with a sword the weight of a lead refrigerator. The shapeshifting prophet turns around, and with a few magical gestures, opens up a grand portal...
>Miner: Twirl pickaxe with impaled rulebook: "Oh, this rulebook?"
Meanwhile, Mr. referee looks on in horror as the miner desecrates the Official Deity Battle Rulebook by driving his pickaxe straight through it. The miner then casually twirls his pick about, sarcastically asking the Deity Battle official if the now punctured rulebook happens to be the one he was referring to.
"You- You don't understand..." Mr. Referee replies, shaken by the unscrupulous display. "Look around you. All of this destruction was caused in an alarmingly short amount of time. I'm not permitted to disclose any details, but if D.Z.A. does not face the consequences for what he has done, I can promise you that the devastation you see here will only be the beginning..."
>Suddenly have the entire thing be hijacked by random screaming fire ogres with spatulas.
>Who are then hijacked by Goa'uld
>The Gold Cloaked man finally catches up, and experiments, trying to figure out what his powers are currently.
>Suddenly: Sho Minamimoto!
(( have fun with that one 
))
Suddenly,
RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!You're a screaming, spatula-wielding fire ogre! You and 999,999 of your buddies traveled here to help deal with some punk who tried to cheat his way out of participating in the Tournament Deity Battle!! You were told that, although right now he's a mortal, he should still be considered very powerful and very dangerous, which is why you made sure to bring your spatulas!!!
The only problem is, you and the other fire ogres were put at the back of the massive army you came here with, and now you're late to the action!! You just saw the bastard entering a huge portal, along with an old guy, a big armored guy, and a really big demon thing!!
RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! You really want to chase after him and dish out some old fashioned, fire ogre spatula justice! It's just that, currently, you don't feel so good...
...Because you're actually a Goa'uld
inhabiting the body of a fire ogre! The uncomfortably high body temperature of fire ogres certainly doesn't make it the best host you could have chosen, but it'll do for now.
As you examine your surroundings, all that catches your interest is some weird fan things emerging from the local lake, a stylish young man stepping over the countless dead bodies littering the floor as he makes his way toward you, and someone in a golden cloak running across the battlefield and hopping through the nearby large portal just as it closes. Oddly enough, it seemed like everything but him somehow slowed down as he jumped into the portal, giving him just enough time to make it.
Oh, there's also Commander Tesyius, the one in charge of this assault on the now departed "tournament forfeiting scum" named D.Z.A.
Sounds like he's shouting to one of his underlings about how he wants the army evacuated and this planet obliterated within the next hour. Hard to be sure, though. He seems to be having some trouble talking.
Name: ??
Host: Male fire ogre.
Age: 1,170.
Badassery Level: Average.
Location: Lake near "sock puppet home".
Inventory: Spatula.
Poll
3 (75%)
Author
Topic: You are Me, Chapter IV: Into Lands Unknown (Read 131121 times)