Fucking hell, I can't believe it took me a week to finish this one. Guess that's what happens when you mix a full schedule with a bad procrastination habit. Oh well, no point in dwelling on the past. At least not while the present is hopeful, and the future holds so much potential...
>Miner: Drag yourself, slowly drag yourself to the portal.
The miner slowly and painfully pulls himself out of the pile of rubble, and begins to drag himself across the hellish landscape toward the ruins of Boatmurdered, stopping only every once in a while to groan in unbearable agony. Once there, he will have to tirelessly dig his way through the collapsed mountain in order to reach the portal, assuming it hasn't already closed, that is. It will be a long and excruciating endeavor, but if he remains determined, he may just live to tell the tale.
>DZA: Accept Armok's offer and go back to the beginning. Back to when things were so much simpler.
>Gold-Cloaked Man: Hitch a ride on the DZA soul train to the past and hide in his mirror.
>Tunnel to the past: Appear as the tunnel from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Music, a healthy part of a balanced epic.After a moment of careful contemplation, the correct course of action becomes clear to me. It seems a bit drastic, but I know what must be done.
"I have decided.", I announce. "I, D.Z.A., surrender all ownership of my creation to Armok, God of Blood."
The blood god chuckles slightly.
"You made the right choice, D.Z.A."A specific spot in the sea of blood below begins to ripple and splash, before a large book finally emerges from it. The book appears to be ancient, and on the front of it, the word "Legends" is written in strange, bold text.
"This, is the Book of Legends.", Armok informs me.
"Contained within its pages is the history of everything, and everyone that has ever existed within the realm."The book floats before me, and opens up. It begins to quickly cycle through its many bloodstained pages, before stopping at a certain point.
"This section is a recording of every significant moment in your life. As promised, I will return you to any one point in your grand adventure, all the way up until your demise. Choose wisely."It takes me only a few seconds of scanning the page to find the exact moment I'm looking for. "Here.", I say, my finger over the time I wish to return to.
"...Are you sure you want to go back that far? Remember, it's a one way trip. Once you're there, you won't be able to ret-"Yes...I'm sure", I say abruptly. "Look, I know it seems strange to go all the way back to the start, especially considering how far I've come, but at this point in my life, or...afterlife, it just feels like the right thing to do. During my adventure, I have ended many lives, yet saved many more. I've faced countless great foes, and made quite a few amazing allies. I've been a harbinger of both destruction and creation, salvation and depredation, hope and despair. This whole journey has become more immense and exciting than I ever could have imagined, but it has also become a lot more complicated...
I now have reputations to live up to, expectations to fulfill, and regrets that I could very well do without...I've grown a lot throughout this grand adventure of mine, but it's time to begin anew."
"Alright, if that's really what you want, I will keep up my end of the deal." The Book of Legends slams shut, and falls back into the sea of blood. Suddenly, A passageway opens up behind me.
"I will be watching you, D.Z.A. Try not to let things get too boring with all of that extra wisdom you now have, OK?"I smile slightly, and then enter the passageway. All of a sudden, I find myself to be alive once again, though in the same condition I was in just before my death. I'm also inside a very unusual tunnel of some kind. Hm, for a tunnel to my past, this looks oddly futuristic...
I slowly begin to make my way down the tunnel, and as I approach the other end, my body begins to change. I start to grow taller, as my scars, wounds, and wrinkles progressively heal and fade away. My beard becomes shorter and thinner with each step I take, until it is eventually non-existent, and I find that I am now somehow wearing the same clothes that I had on the day my grand adventure truly began. Upon finally reaching the end of the tunnel, I realize I am now in the exact same physical state that I was in all that time ago. And, true to the blood god's word, all of my memories and knowledge of what I've been through remain intact. Stopping briefly, I take a moment to look behind me, as I could have sworn I heard someone following me...
After being unable to see anyone there, I take one final step forward, and instantly find myself back in my Base of Operations, with the tunnel I came through nowhere to be seen. My Blue Swivel Chair of Supreme Comfort sits unchanged in front of my Omniscient Computer of Infinite Insight. I never thought I'd get to say this, but it's good to be home.
> You realize how boring your life used to be. Your badassery level is dropping incredibly quickly.
> Decide to go on an adventure, immediately. Grab a backpack and fill it with anything in your house worth taking: food, water, money, your trusty adventure stick, a pickaxe, an old mirror, and a towel.
After the initial disbelief of truly being back, my life slowly returns to normal(as normal as a life like mine can get, at least). I can once again continue my regular diet of 1-2 small meals and excessive amounts of coffee, I start picking back up on my physical and mental training, and I'm able to bathe again for the first time in(literally)ages. Yep, it seems all is well. Except for one thing...
The general calmness of my restored life, although refreshing, has subsequently awakened one of my most dreaded enemies of all time...Boredom. I feel my badassery lessening at an alarming rate due to the arrival of this lifelong nemesis of mine, and something must be done about it.
Spending time with the family, indulging in the luxuries of the civilized world, and not having my life be under constant threat of attack at all times is certainly nice for a while, but it is no life for an adventurer. I must leave my safe haven, and spread my glorious metaphorical wings once more! I need to feel the earth beneath my feet, adrenaline in my veins, and death breathing down my neck! But first, I need to prepare.
I hastily run to my Closet of Immense Storage and grab a backpack, I then turn my attention toward the kitchen, and start packing up all sorts of desired edibles. I locate my thermos, which has served me well during numerous smaller adventures in the past, and fill it with the most refreshing water my home has to offer. After scouting through the house a bit, I manage to come up with varying amounts of several different types of currency. However, seeing as only certain forms of currency are considered acceptable in my current location, I'd say I have about 25$ gathered up. A humble amount, but with great adventures come great fortune, and it shouldn't too hard to obtain more monetary funds should I require it.
I lift my old, sturdy Adventure Stick off of my Wall of Weaponry. Hidden blades and mystical spearswords are great and all, but no matter how powerful and deadly a weapon may be, you just can't beat the classics. I pick my handheld mirror up off my Desk of Many Talents, and head into the bathroom to clean it up a bit. I'm taken aback for a moment when, for a split second, I see a reflection other than my own in said mirror. But, not wanting to waste time contemplating something that could have just been my eyes playing tricks on me, I regain my focus, and slide the mirror into my backpack, along with the spare towel I used to clean it.
Hmm, what else could prove useful on an adventure such as this? Wait, I know! A pickaxe! I can think of plenty of times in my life where a pickaxe would have seemed like a godsend. And for this adventure, when those times come, I'll be ready! Now, where to locate a pickaxe...I know for a fact that I currently have no such tool under my ownership, and I also have no way of knowing which houses in my neighborhood may be storing one. I guess I could go check around at the local hardware stores, though if the price surpasses my 25$ budget, I might have to get creative about how I'm going to leave the store with it...
>Suddenly, the elf-dwarven hybrid reappears, somehow being chased by FREAKING REAPERS.
>Then, a BFS drops from the sky.
I am then distracted from thinking about how to remedy my current state of pickaxelessness by the sound of frantic knocking at my front door. A bit of a bad time for a visit, but perhaps this mysterious new guest will have a pickaxe I can have/borrow/steal.
As the increasingly frantic knocking continues, I go to answer the door. Upon opening it, I am surprised to see my future companion, the elf-dwarf hybrid, standing on my welcome mat. Before we can exchange any pleasantries, however, he pushes me aside and runs off somewhere into my home. Rude. I would expect more manners from someone whose life I saved at some point in an alternate, distant future. Despite being displeased by the hybrid's blatant lack of etiquette, I soon notice that he is not my only visitor, and wonder if he is travelling with the group ghoulish beings that are coming up the walkway.
After curiously staring at the posse of otherworldly entities for a little longer, I deduce it would be best to close the door, ensure it's locked, and then go see if I can find where my bearded, pointy-eared companion of an alternate future ran off to. During my search for the hybrid, I glance out through one of my windows, and am intrigued to see what I would describe as a Big Fucking Sword sticking out of the middle of the street. From what I can tell, it definitely appears to be a finely crafted weapon, but I guess I won't know for sure until I get a closer look at it.
My observation of said weapon is then interrupted when one of the ghoulish beings suddenly obstructs my view, and begins gazing at me in a deeply unsettling manner. Maybe I should wait a bit before going out to investigate the sword...
>suddenly the artifact is just a bone block!
>raptor: finally become one with spirit, this is getting tiring.
> Medivh: Fly after DZA.
> DZA's house, get transported off of Azeroth.
Meanwhile, Armok, God of Blood rejoices over his newly obtained artifact:
"YES! I can't believe he actually agreed to trade this thing! Just think of all the awesome stuff I can do with this artifact block, made from the bones of none other than Alduin the World Eater! I could...I could...Build something with it! Or, or I could throw it at someone! Or use it as a really badass paperweight!! FUCK YEAH!"Also, due to the recent reversal of time, it would appear that my home can no longer be found in the realm of Azeroth, and everyone that was once residing within it has been returned to the location they were in at the time my grand adventure had just begun, wherever the hell that is. Luckily for the fan-headed raptor, this means that its body and spirit have once again become one.
Back at my home, after closing the blinds to avoid the gaze of the ghoulish being, I continue looking for where the hybrid has hid himself. Unfortunately, my search efforts again come to a halt when I am startled by the call of a raven. I am able to confirm that my ears are working properly when I turn and see a rather irritated looking raven standing on my dining table. It doesn't take me long to figure out just why the raven is here.
"I know, I know, I didn't make an effort to travel to Azeroth and seek my destiny. Don't worry, it's on my Shit To Get Done List. I just really needed to get a fresh start on things, alright? As soon as the opportunity presents itself, I'll be sure to get right on it.", I explain to the raven.
Sock puppet man is missing. What is this? It is unusually quiet.
Man, that elf-dwarf hybrid sure is skilled at reappearing and disappearing at seemingly random times. Kind of reminds me of the sock puppet man. Admittedly, it's a lot less troublesome without him around, but it's also a lot less entertaining...Wherever he is right now, I hope he's doing alright.
So, here I am, inside my home, blinds closed and doors locked, on a search for the elf-dwarf hybrid, and accompanied by an elderly prophet in the form of a raven. There's a very large and mysterious sword lodged in the asphalt outside, and some not-so-friendly looking beings loitering about, and I have no idea how either of them got there. Not really what I was expecting when I decided to return to the past...But hey, it's definitely an interesting start to my adventure.
Name: D.Z.A.
Sex: Male.
Age: 16
Badassery Level: Above average.
Location: Dining room.
Inventory: Pocket lint, Adventure Stick, backpack full of adventuring equipment.
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Topic: You are Me, Chapter IV: Into Lands Unknown (Read 131342 times)