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Author Topic: Curse'd Dynasty  (Read 1149 times)

mrtspence

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Curse'd Dynasty
« on: August 16, 2011, 12:47:12 am »

Greeting, all.

I have recently desired to share with you a short overview of a curse that has been placed upon a dynasty of dwarves that runs throughout all of my fortresses.

At the start of each embark, my first miner is always named "Neil Patrick Harris," ye know, after the actor. And, despite my best efforts, he/she ALWAYS ends up meeting some horrid fate (painful death).

In my early forts, it would usually be to my ignorance--designating multiple z-level channeling operations all at once (wherein poor NPH would plummet many z-levels and break upon the lower ones, sometimes dying instantly, others dying later to infection due to lack of hospitals), causing collapses to fling him from ledges, or trying to channel multiple z-level moats (despite trees being present) all at once.

Later it would be due to general mismanagement (dwarves stuck outside during a siege or some such, NPH always being among their numbers).

Now, it seems that the gods themselves are after poor old Neil Patrick Harris' blood. Recently his deaths include tantruming dwarves pulling JUST the right lever to kill him, a dwarven child (gone berserk after the recent deaths of her parents and two sisters) stoving his head in, miracle shots by goblin archers through walls, thieves appearing and stabbing his head in instantly, and starving domestic animals making him dive into crevasses or fort-defenses.

I seem to have no trouble ever keeping my second starting miner (or any other dwarves that I care to keep around) alive, but NPH is the victim of circumstance at EVERY circumstance. It's as if Murphy's law actually worked--but only when applied to murdering Neil Patrick Harris.

Please, fellow overseers, I beseech you, assign the name "Neil Patrick Harris" to your first miner and see if the curse is merely a phantom lurking amongst my computer's hard drive or if it truly is the e-Reaper himself aiming to claim the soul of every NPH ever to walk upon these procedurally-generated earths!
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MarcAFK

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Re: Curse'd Dynasty
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2011, 01:11:40 am »

You have brought the curse of Niel patrick harris upon yourself, by any chance did any of these psuedo-NPH's have ANY medical skill?? Only a legendary Chielf Medical dwarf is suitible for the name. How dare you profane the name of NPH by assigning it to lesser dwarves.
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They're nearly as bad as badgers. Build a couple of anti-buzzard SAM sites marksdwarf towers and your fortress will look like Baghdad in 2003 from all the aerial bolt spam. You waste a lot of ammo and everything is covered in unslightly exploded buzzard bits and broken bolts.

mrtspence

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Re: Curse'd Dynasty
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2011, 11:33:50 am »

No, they've always been the standard proficient-in-mining-only-embark miners. Never any medical skill. I doubt it would help...
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ohgoditburns

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Re: Curse'd Dynasty
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2011, 11:42:09 am »

If he were your doctor, then (presumably) he wouldn't die due to mining or combat. Tantrum dwarves are still a problem.
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The landscape routinely being soaked in flammable fluids somehow seems less than benevolent.

ledgekindred

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Re: Curse'd Dynasty
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2011, 01:34:29 pm »

Due to the current lack of an "Evil Genius" profession, I believe "Mechanic" would be the next preferable.

Make sure to assign him a white jacket and command him to build a Freeze Ray.  (Not an Ice Beam, that's all Johnny Freeze....)
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I don't understand, though that is about right with anything DF related.
I just hope he dies the same death that all dwarfs deserve: liver disease.
The legend of Reg: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=65866.0
Atir Stigildegel, Legless Hero of Diamondrelic: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=83136.0

twwolfe

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Re: Curse'd Dynasty
« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2011, 01:49:00 pm »

Due to the current lack of an "Evil Genius" profession, I believe "Mechanic" would be the next preferable.

Make sure to assign him a white jacket and command him to build a Freeze Ray.  (Not an Ice Beam, that's all Johnny Freeze....)

Johnny Snow, actually
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There are dwarves that are nothing but useless sacrifices - Miners are not one of them.

ledgekindred

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Re: Curse'd Dynasty
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2011, 02:26:40 pm »

Due to the current lack of an "Evil Genius" profession, I believe "Mechanic" would be the next preferable.

Make sure to assign him a white jacket and command him to build a Freeze Ray.  (Not an Ice Beam, that's all Johnny Freeze....)

Johnny Snow, actually

I hang my head in shame, and await the verdict of Bad Horse for my infraction...
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I don't understand, though that is about right with anything DF related.
I just hope he dies the same death that all dwarfs deserve: liver disease.
The legend of Reg: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=65866.0
Atir Stigildegel, Legless Hero of Diamondrelic: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=83136.0

flieroflight

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Re: Curse'd Dynasty
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2011, 02:38:45 pm »

the bad horses front right hoof strikes the ledgekindred in the head, shattering the skull and jamming it into the brain!
the ledgekindred has been knocked unconcious!
the ledgekindred has been struck down!
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Bay12 doesn't have moral event horizons, it has goals.

mrtspence

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Re: Curse'd Dynasty
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2011, 03:47:24 pm »

the bad horses front right hoof strikes the ledgekindred in the head, shattering the skull and jamming it into the brain!
the ledgekindred has been knocked unconcious!
the ledgekindred has been struck down!

Aha! I am gonna have to use my quasi-expertise in modding (read: some) and mod-in a Bad Horse semi megabeast! SO DONE! For my next embark, that is!

Looking forward to WoC pillaging my current fort so I can get on that!
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