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[tahujdt]

Why can't goblins just hole up underground and do nothing? They don't need to eat, drink or anything. Why fight? They could do wonders for the scientific front!

They do do science. They invented the lightsaberwhip.

Why do beekeepers insist on not wearing protective clothing from the bees which they keep

Because their beards protect the only parts of them which really have any feeling.

Why do clothes slow down the FPS?

[NineFourEightSeven]

Because dwarves love their socks, that means a lot of socks.

Why do giant sponges have [MOUNT_EXOTIC] if they're immobile?

[Komra]

Immobile creatures are unsurprisingly easy to mount, s o they are used for mounted-combat training.

Why can't giant sponges just die?!?!?

[Jellycat12]

They can't move off the mortal coil.

Why do goblins ignore my beautiful trap-filled entrance?

[nymall]

Serious: Probably because there's a quicker, easier route. Gobs always path through the shortest route(unless they're on mounts... then they just spaz randomly)

Not-so-serious: You see, it all has to do with goblin Gravo-dynamics. Each time a goblin dies, it creates a small field of negative "deadite" energy. Goblins, being the corrupted spawn of fey creatures, have a natural attunement to this invisible Nether of energy. As they get closer, the death of thier comrades 'compells' them to find another route, like a similar magnet pushing away a similar magnet. In this way, you could say thier field is 'opposed' to death. Har har har.(My son loves Rocky and Bullwinkle. The puns are driving me mad...)

Why does it never spawn just ONE megabest in the caverns at a time?

[Jellycat12]

Serious: Probably because there's a quicker, easier route. Gobs always path through the shortest route(unless they're on mounts... then they just spaz randomly)

No, they just stand there. For several months. Then they wander off.

And to answer your question: They hate you.

Why do babies crawl around aimlessly when not being held?

[hops]

Because younger dwarves are more attuned to Armok. And Armok compels them to wander off and die somewhere.

Why do people forget about Forgotten Beasts if they appear almost every year in dwarven forts?

[black47]

Why do people forget about Forgotten Beasts if they appear almost every year in dwarven forts?

Because skinless asses that shoot poisonous gas are too much to bear and dwarves are too mentally scarred to remember. The non-asses one, well, they are just distant cousins of this guy.

Why did Urist McChicken cross the road?

[Jellycat12]

He was being dragged by the butcher, he had no choice!

When are sweet pods red?

[flame99]

When a Titan picks one up and stabs a dwarf with it.

Why are plump helmets the ONLY (non-tree) plant that can be grown in the expansive underground caverns during ALL times of the year, despite this being an extraordinary evolutionary advantage, leading to a huge sprout in population?

[gunpowdertea]

Why are plump helmets the ONLY (non-tree) plant that can be grown in the expansive underground caverns during ALL times of the year, despite this being an extraordinary evolutionary advantage, leading to a huge sprout in population?

Well, some plants are better at this game than others. It's like on the surface where we do have plants like Bishop's weed. They grow like, well, weed. They can be edible (this one is), but is outperforming all other plants and crowding out the native vegetation. As to the why: Evolution is a dirty game, there's winners...

Why do vampires think they can remain secret when they arrive with a shitload of skills and a list of former fortresses longer than their forearm? If they just wouldn't boast...

[Cheedows]

But where's the fun without boasting?

[pisskop]

Honesty is the only virtue left for them.

Why don't kobolds advance on their own?  Can't they just speak jibberish and learn to forge?  Not being understandable by humans hardly means they have to be stupid. . .

[strongrudder]

There is a difference between stupid and simple. Kobolds are fundamentally different from humans or dwarves in that they don't aspire to build great kingdoms from the ground up (or down, as it were). They like living on simple means, and relish the challenge of living only on what they can scrounge and steal. When the civilizations they leech from die, however, most kobolds cannot survive the transition to doing their own dang work and perish with them.

If the goblin thief came to my fortress to steal a child, why did he cut the poor thing's leg off before stuffing her in his bag? I can't imagine the corpses of dwarf children are anywhere near as useful to his civilization.

[TubaDragoness]

The bag was too small.

How does a dorf with the personality trait "views helping others as an imposition on his time" manage to migrate in as a master suturer?