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[Zrk2]

You're 13. Go throw a tantrum caused by the hormones just starting to cease control of your body.

Try reading some quality literature (Lord of the Flies, 1984, Animal Farm, the Giver, etc etc), or epically long fantasy series with overly complex plots (Wheel of time, Malazan Book of the Fallen, etc etc, even Harry Potter, if standards aren't an issue).

[SeaBee]

Oh man, where to begin.

I feel the same way, but that's because a few decisions I've made right after High School have turned out poorly. Career choice, first marriage, signing on with an online school while overseas (an expensive scam to be sure) -- you know what? I have so many regrets, broken dreams, and not much more than limited, diminished resources to my name. I'm in my thirties and all the doors that were once open to me are closed.

But you? The point of being 13 is self-discovery (and, to a lesser extent, pleasing the state by attending an institution of education), asking questions, and enjoying your youth while you still have it. You have so much left to experience -- and those experiences will give you more clarity for the long view.

Just don't let your dreams explode in your face and utterly break you.

Er ... yeah, I'm in a mood. BACK TO THE ACTUAL TOPIC: Yes, it's perfectly normal to feel that way. I was feeling that way at 9, but I found that doing lots of reading set me on the happy path.

[Makbeth]

The feeling that you are wasting your life is normal.  We always want to move onward and upward, and stagnation, even in a place that's fairly comfortable, feels like a waste. 

Thankfully, you're 13, and the game doesn't really start until you're about 16 or so. 

The most reliable way to escape this feeling is to find a talent and develop it.  Doesn't even have to be something that's taught at your school.  If you're good at something or enjoy something, follow that.  If you see something that interests you and you think to yourself "gee, I wish I knew more about that" or "I wish I could do that", you can.  I was intrigued by CG animation at around your age.  Thought I'd never get the chance to learn how it's done, let alone do it myself.  It's my job now, and I'm good enough at it that my work gets very positive reviews.  It's not even the subject that my degree is for.  It was just something I started doing in college because I had a lot of fun with the Myst games and wanted to try making my own imaginary worlds, and it turned out that people are willing to pay a lot of money for people who can use those tools.

The thing you have to watch out for is fear.  Not the fear you feel when standing in a high place or when a car is coming at you faster than you thought it would, but the fear of failure.  That is what will hold you back, and what will cause you to wake up at 25, 30, or 40 and realize that you haven't done all those things that you planned to do.  Resist the temptation to stop pushing forward just because you got to a comfortable spot.  The feeling that you're struggling is normal, and is a sign that you're still on an upward trajectory.  If you're not struggling, chances are you're stagnating, and stagnation is what gives you the feeling that you are wasting your life. 

You will need to take risks and make sacrifices.  The sacrifices that you make will depend on your goals.  Being the best at your chosen field usually requires you to sacrifice your social and family life.  Having close friends and family often requires you to make professional sacrifices.  If you want both, the sacrifice will be your own time and perhaps health, and taken to extremes, this will cause the collapse of all other areas of your life.  They don't always conflict, but they frequently do.  It's very similar to the investment of points in attributes and skills.  It's very difficult, maybe even impossible, to have high scores in everything.

So there's my advice:  Know your talents, know your goals, know your limits.  Learn to recognize fear and evaluate whether it's protecting you or holding you back.  If it's holding you back, learn to move forward anyway.

Good luck!

[Kearn]

everything is a nightmare

[Il Palazzo]

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Spoiler: full text (click to show/hide)

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

[Truean]

Here's how stuff goes:

You need to learn the following in three catagories.

Friends/Significant Others: Find good people who are not interested in messing you up. Through bad times, horrid jobs and everything else, they will actually be there for you. Moreover, they will give some enjoyment to the times you aren't at work. These will be your primary enjoyment or primary pain if bad. Social/Church/Sports/Hobby/whatever groups are more about the people you meet than what you do at them. You need to figure out how your friends feel/think about things, how that relates to you, and the best way to act concerning that. This is "reading people."

Work Develop a skill or three and be damn good at it or them. Understand that you need both general and specific abilities to learn. This means the ability to learn abstractly and as applied to specific things and tasks. You need to figure out how to read what people want/need, and especially what they are willing to pay/promote for.

Play Be a well rounded person, not just an office/job drone. You have to have some hobbies or something you like so you aren't boring to talk to. Know a few areas and topics recreationally. I don't care if it's ... cars, gardening, sports, knitting whatever. Have some interest other people are likely to share so that you can make friends socially and carry on some kind of conversation.

Resist apathy/laziness. It's fine to a point, but recliners are dangerous black holes. They suck you in, lull you to sleep and you spend the rest of your life there watching crappy TV (wasting your life).

Everything else comes from that.

[Jackrabbit]

Most 13 year olds go through something like this, but the thing is they've barely hit puberty. It's not like you can accomplish a huge amount when half of those thirteen years were spent without the concept of basic addition and the other half were spent learning it. Just wait, you'll accomplish something in the next 70+ years.

[Ancre]

I know what you guys are saying is true, but what of these child actors? They already have their name in the headlines at the age of 6, like this fellow....

This also brings the question - what do you consider to be fulfilling one's life ?

There are child actors who are known at age 6 ; there are other people who aren't known until they hit their thirties, fourties, or later ; there are people who are born and who died completely anonymous and become famous after their death. Some of those people will be remembered for quite some time in history, while the name of some other will quickly fade away at their death or their retirement. And that's only considering fame as a life achievement - I know quite some poets who are famous yet had horrible, depressing lives (and it was their fault). There are many other ways to live a fulfilling life, you don't need to become famous to accomplish something.

So yeah, don't worry about those kids who became stars at age 6 You're young, if you feel you're wasting your life, do well in your studies, work seriously something you enjoy, or start discovering things you like but never tried. Go and do something you like

[Makbeth]

I know what you guys are saying is true, but what of these child actors? They already have their name in the headlines at the age of 6, like this fellow....

Ah, the Alexander the Great problem.  Although now instead of 25, it's happening at 13.

I wouldn't worry about them.  Comparing yourself to child actors or whoever won't do you any good.  They had a combination of luck and talent that lent itself to that outcome.  Your talents may be different, and your opportunities will be different.

For a couple months, I made the mistake of comparing my life to the lives of the makers of Penny Arcade.  Then I realized that they simply had different talents and opportunities than I had.  If you read the history of Penny Arcade, knowingly doing what they did would clearly be an act of madness.  They were just doing something they enjoyed and were good at, with very little ambition besides continuing to play games and eat, and it was only good fortune and the generosity of their fans that preserved them long enough that they could become a company.  Now they have really nice houses in the Seattle area (I can tell you from experience that that isn't cheap), they have two conventions, a charity, and a kickass place to work.

My job, illustration and animation, grew out of a similar situation actually.  This was something I did for fun, someone was willing to pay me to do it and made me an offer, and I accepted.  In the nearly ten years that I've been doing this, I've gotten much better, my pay has gone higher than I imagined it would at the beginning, and now my work is praised as "first class" by reviewers on Amazon.com.  It's no Penny Arcade, but it's no cubicle job either.

In the case of 6-year old child actors, I think the parent's ambitions played a bigger part than those of the kids.  Sure, the kid needs some talent in being someone they are not, but then all kids are good at that to some degree.  I'm almost certain no kid decides at 4 or 5 that they want to be an actor though.

So no, the fact that you're not a child actor doesn't mean you lack ambition.  If anything, the concern at 13 that you're wasting your life might mean you have too much.  Just work on developing your talents.  I have a feeling you'll be looking out for the opportunities already.  Just don't be too eager to accept false ones.  It's important to be able to distinguish between a good opportunity and an excessively risky or false opportunity.  It's also important to not be so afraid of taking risks that you let all the opportunities slip by.  I imagine that last advice is more frustrating than helpful, but it's true.  Be open to advice from people older than you, and whom you can trust (And IRL, not on a forum).  They generally have the wisdom needed to distinguish between good and bad opportunities.

[Vector]

I know what you guys are saying is true, but what of these child actors? They already have their name in the headlines at the age of 6, like this fellow....

And what about Shirley Temple in her later life, or Julie Garland, or any of those people?

They were famous for a while, and then they weren't.

Fast fame isn't necessarily enduring.  Late fame isn't necessarily withered, nor does it mean that the work of youth was worthless.

Do what you do, and do whatever you can, and you will pull through.

[Il Palazzo]

What's with the obsession with fame and "acomplishments" anyway? Whatever happened to living one's life with honesty and humility?

[Kearn]

insert generic incoherent rant here

[Vector]

What's with the obsession with fame and "acomplishments" anyway? Whatever happened to living one's life with honesty and humility?

Well, I personally would like to create something that makes others happy.  I've really enjoyed the results of others' creativity, so I'd like to do a little something myself.

Fame just (to me, anyway) means that you did a good job of it.  I don't personally want to be well-known, but I would like my works to be passed around for the pleasure they give people.  And if that doesn't work out, then I'll live with it.  All I want to do is try, anyway.  That's all I can do.

So, I don't know.  Honesty?  I don't intentionally lie, though I can see situations where I would (i.e. to save a life, etc., etc.).  And as for humility, I try, but I don't always succeed.  Those things are important, too, but they generally aren't things one can actively occupy one's time with.  You can work to be honest and humble from moment to moment, interaction to interaction, but one generally needs something else to do.  Even monks and hermits have other work on this earth.

[freeformschooler]

What's with the obsession with fame and "acomplishments" anyway? Whatever happened to living one's life with honesty and humility?

Because, I feel like I need to do something for my family to make my family known and respected, or I will be concidered some sort of a "failure". I feel like I have wasted my life because I have not contributed or done anything useful longterm for my family.

Unless you're family actually feels that way about YOU, you're just beating yourself up for no good reason. Parents generally want their kids to "experience" childhood and teenagehood, and that means just being a child or teenager!

[Aequor]

Oh stop whinging.

Just because you're not famous doesn't mean you've somehow wasted your time. This stupid fascination the West seems to be developing with everyone having to be famous by the time they know how to crap correctly or else they're a failure is just stupid and counter-productive.

Go out, have some fun.

You're 13, you've barely experienced life.