Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Tack]

What if? The fundamental thing is we’re animals and this is the way our brains tick. It’s not like a complicated social dance we’ve arbitrarily decided to follow.

That being said, if I wanted nothing serious i’d be following up post-coffee risky text with 10:20pm  “can’t sleep. You?” Going clubbing just isn’t me.

Postscript: Man a guy venting sure gets a whole lot of unasked for advice. My bad.

[MrRoboto75]

What if? The fundamental thing is we’re animals and this is the way our brains tick. It’s not like a complicated social dance we’ve arbitrarily decided to follow.

It is complicated and it is practically arbitrary.  Especially if you weren't born knowing it.

And if your doing it wrong you are a pariah, a creep, an undesirable.

[Tack]

I don’t want to start leapfrog-posting but yes, it’s complicated, but it’s certainly not arbitrary. It’s trial and error, the scientific method being applied to probe the psychological weaknesses of humans and then being disseminated worldwide by the internet. Just like modern advertising. Some stuff doesn’t stick to a certain amount of the population, some people know and are on the alert for it- but it’s industrialised sex. You cast a huge net and shoot for the majority.

As for being born not knowing it, I’m not a good model for this as I have never had the “innate sense” for social interactions.

Edit: you’re*

[Ulfarr]

No one is born knowing these things. Some might have had someone explain these stuff, others have a knack for social interactions and picked them up early on and others figured them out after years of trial and error.

[JoshuaFH]

I do sympathize with you though MrRoboto, I often feel if I didn't restrain my own pessimism I'd lose myself in my own negativity and we'd wind up making the same kind of defeatist posts. And it's even worse and harder given the things that seem to most bother you in fact have granules of truth substantiating them.

You hang in there now, and count your blessings, I'm sure you have more than you like to acknowledge.

[Kagus]

I wouldn't ascribe any negative qualities to these hypothetical people, other than what seems to be the typical spineless motive of wanting to reject someone without hurting their feelings. Really nothing surprising there.

Oh no, I'm not WTF'ing over my recent dates (sure, the one who laughed in my face was a bit cunty, but the other one has honestly been nothing but sweet and pleasant, even if she is a bit difficult to really communicate with), those were just a backdrop to explain the talk about relationships that landed me with the pick-up advice... It's the advice -and its implications- that I'm having a hard time dealing with.

I think you misunderstood your friend.

So, here's the thing... She wasn't giving me tips on how to "up" my game. She *specifically* told me that I'm "too good of a guy to go to bed with". That my general way of being would get lots of girls to fall in love with me (she'd damn near done so herself, after all), but wouldn't get them to fall in bed with me. That I needed to throw my generally nice and caring personality "out the window", and become as "ignoring" as possible in order to make women lust after me.

She specifically gave me advice to treat women more like shit, because that's what gets them hot. Being clingy/needy is something else, and not a topic she felt she needed to bring up in this case... It's just that I was too kind and too much boyfriend material to be bar fuck material. Apparently.

No, I don't know how that works. I do know that she's got horrible self-esteem though, so it's not unlikely that she'd respond to people treating her like the shit she views herself as.

This is more likely just an excuse, because those girls were simply not that into you.

Considering the individual who said that to me went on to obsessively contact me for months afterwards, telling me things like "don't let me push you away, I need you in my life" and generally acting like I was the love of her life, I'm a bit hesitant to agree with that hypothesis. If so, that's a hell of a weird way to reject someone.

[heydude6]

This is more likely just an excuse, because those girls were simply not that into you.

Considering the individual who said that to me went on to obsessively contact me for months afterwards, telling me things like "don't let me push you away, I need you in my life" and generally acting like I was the love of her life, I'm a bit hesitant to agree with that hypothesis. If so, that's a hell of a weird way to reject someone.

Honestly, it sounds more like she was being needy and clingy herself. You were clear about what you wanted. She should have accepted the fact that she couldn’t give it to you and parted ways. It’s good that you didn’t give into her demands though. Having good standards is important for your self-confidence.

[Kagus]

This is more likely just an excuse, because those girls were simply not that into you.

Considering the individual who said that to me went on to obsessively contact me for months afterwards, telling me things like "don't let me push you away, I need you in my life" and generally acting like I was the love of her life, I'm a bit hesitant to agree with that hypothesis. If so, that's a hell of a weird way to reject someone.

Honestly, it sounds more like she was being needy and clingy herself. You were clear about what you wanted. She should have accepted the fact that she couldn’t give it to you and parted ways. It’s good that you didn’t give into her demands though. Having good standards is important for your self-confidence.

Oh no, that particular situation was years ago, not one of my recent escapades... I was very much open to the possibility of a longer relationship at that time, and even worse I was open to one with her (as I was absolutely not confident in myself or firm in my standards). That whole scenario went on for entirely too long and ended up scarring me for well over a year after the ashes finally settled. But that's another story!

But yes, definitely needy and clingy. And explicitly crazy. But the sentiment about "I can't fuck you, I like you too much" is one I've heard since, and that has been backed up by non-crazy and non-romantically-involved female friends.

[MrRoboto75]

You hang in there now, and count your blessings, I'm sure you have more than you like to acknowledge.

Not every haystack hides a needle.

Face it, being literally socially retarded has destroyed most of my life and since it's lifelong it's beyond any sort of repair.  I'll basically never have a normal life.

[Naturegirl1999]

This is more likely just an excuse, because those girls were simply not that into you.

Considering the individual who said that to me went on to obsessively contact me for months afterwards, telling me things like "don't let me push you away, I need you in my life" and generally acting like I was the love of her life, I'm a bit hesitant to agree with that hypothesis. If so, that's a hell of a weird way to reject someone.

Honestly, it sounds more like she was being needy and clingy herself. You were clear about what you wanted. She should have accepted the fact that she couldn’t give it to you and parted ways. It’s good that you didn’t give into her demands though. Having good standards is important for your self-confidence.

Oh no, that particular situation was years ago, not one of my recent escapades... I was very much open to the possibility of a longer relationship at that time, and even worse I was open to one with her (as I was absolutely not confident in myself or firm in my standards). That whole scenario went on for entirely too long and ended up scarring me for well over a year after the ashes finally settled. But that's another story!

But yes, definitely needy and clingy. And explicitly crazy. But the sentiment about "I can't fuck you, I like you too much" is one I've heard since, and that has been backed up by non-crazy and non-romantically-involved female friends.

As a human female I find this behavior confusing and unexpected. I agree that it is odd.

[pikachu17]

You hang in there now, and count your blessings, I'm sure you have more than you like to acknowledge.

Not every haystack hides a needle.

Face it, being literally socially retarded has destroyed most of my life and since it's lifelong it's beyond any sort of repair.  I'll basically never have a normal life.

To be fair, no one has a normal life.

[Ulfarr]

So, here's the thing... She wasn't giving me tips on how to "up" my game. She *specifically* told me that I'm "too good of a guy to go to bed with". That my general way of being would get lots of girls to fall in love with me (she'd damn near done so herself, after all), but wouldn't get them to fall in bed with me. That I needed to throw my generally nice and caring personality "out the window", and become as "ignoring" as possible in order to make women lust after me.

She specifically gave me advice to treat women more like shit, because that's what gets them hot. Being clingy/needy is something else, and not a topic she felt she needed to bring up in this case... It's just that I was too kind and too much boyfriend material to be bar fuck material. Apparently.

No, I don't know how that works. I do know that she's got horrible self-esteem though, so it's not unlikely that she'd respond to people treating her like the shit she views herself as.

Yeah this puts things under a new perspective, sorry to have assumed otherwise.  I don't know, maybe give it a try and see if you can make it work.

[Doomblade187]

I personally would like to not recommend acting scummy to get people, but I personally find the concept as "too good to be in relationship with" immensely confusing. Like... That's why you would want to be with someone, right?

[Kagus]

I personally would like to not recommend acting scummy to get people, but I personally find the concept as "too good to be in relationship with" immensely confusing. Like... That's why you would want to be with someone, right?

Nah, that's the thing... I'm not "too good to be in a relationship with"; I'm exactly the right amount of good to be in a relationship with. I'm too good to have casual sex with. Apparently they're two different and separate metrics.

And don't worry about me, even if I could somehow just stop being me for long enough to head out on the town, I really don't think I'd be able to be at ease with having knowingly acted like a dick to people just to get laid.


I may "suffer" a lower rate of success; but I'd much rather try and make my way of doing things work 'well enough' than to stoop to doing things a shittier way that's proven to work even better.

Heck, I'm turning 30 next April, so my libido's gonna be toast sooner or later anyways... So I hardly need the maximum-capacity bedroom eyes!

[Frumple]

Your libido probably has at least another decade or two left in the tank, for better or worse. Iirc that shit doesn't really start backing off until like late forties or fifties.