Post Humus journal of Erica Wheelcircles the Legendary Die-r8th Opal, Late Winter 539.
Things have gone swimmingly lately, no violence, no tragedy, not even any major delays in construction. Hard to believe we’re actually in Failcann- Oh Armok, who’s screaming?
The flying +Bronze Bolt+ strikes the Traitorous Mayor in the lower body, tearing the muscle and bruising the guts through the cave spider silk trousers!
The flying +Bronze Bolt+ strikes the Traitorous Mayor in the left upper leg, tearing the muscle through the cave spider silk trousers!
The flying +Bronze Bolt+ strikes the Traitorous Mayor in the right upper leg, tearing the muscle and chipping the bone through the cave spider silk trousers!
So on and so forth with the groin shots for about 3 pages, a couple hits to the upper body…
The Traitorous Mayor screams like a little girl and returns to sleep! Dear Armok; Dariush just waltzed in and started shooting at Catalyst while she slept! Oh the dwarfanity! I’ll have to get someone to help her!
I found Mebtob and telepathically convinced her to go get Catalyst and bring her to the hospital, but halfway to Zasit to prep for surgery I was waylaid by more screams, this time from Mebtob. When I made it back I found her running in circles in the stockpiles carrying Catalyst, screaming at the top of her lungs while staring right at Catalyst. She then promptly dropped Catalyst on the floor, and cleaved her head off with her axe. Perhaps an insane woodcutter isn’t a great option for medical staff…
Suddenly, Catalyst’s angry ghost appeared from her own decapitated head and glared straight into the eyes of a now deathly-pale Mebtob. They screamed in unison, one in rage and the other from shear unadulterated terror, and Catalyst’s ghost flung herself deep inside the mind of the now thoroughly soiled woman, who quickly began gripping her head and stumbling around shrieking for a good minute before finally collapsing in a heap on the floor. She stood, and turned to look upon spirit of Erica with eyes of mischievous evil, and gestured for her to follow… And the liaison making a puddle in the corner finally starts running around like a maddwarf. My conversation with Catalyst was… interesting… I only wish I could have had the strength to both possess someone and completely subdue their soul immediately after death. Mebtob is in a new form of hell now, tortured within her own head for however long Catalyst remains in control, and I suspect Dariush will soon be defining an all-new form of pain to describe her experience as well, despite me telling her to stand down… She’s gone to bathe. But what’s that? An election, already? How the hell is this justified?
Gizogin stood upon the stage pile of corpses and garbage, looking particularly pleased with his triumphant return to the political stage. “I thank you all for electing me mayor, following the completely shocking and unexpected death of our beloved Catalyst, which I had nothing to do with whatsoever. I promise you that, even in these hard times we face, I will not do anything whatsoever to help you. I mean seriously, I have no sense of responsibility whatsoever. I don't know whose idea it was to nominate me, but it was probably a bad idea.”
The crowd quickly dispersed. That Aussie Dwarf everyone ignores was looking rather pleased with something, but Zasit’s expression already every bit as displeased and embarrassed as the one Erica would have put upon her face if she were currently possessing her. They spoke telepathically:“Zasit! What’s going on? Catalyst hasn’t even been buried yet! How have we had time for an election?!”
“Huh? Gizogin said she was found dead this morning and buried downstairs. When did she really die?”
“She hasn’t been dead for but 5 minutes! Didn’t you hear the screaming? Dear Armok how couldn’t you?!”
“Well, yeah… I just thought that was that ghost friend of hers wailing about it…”
“Nope. That was mostly Mebtob, though. She killed Catalyst after Dariush shot her up.”
“What? But they were the only two to vote for Gizogin, which outdid me and Mormota… You think they set thi-”
“Of course they did! There isn’t shit we can do about it now, but Catalyst may be out for revenge anyway. Oh, by the way; Catalyst took possession of Mebtob. That was the third round of shrieking. Now scoot over I need to do something before you get too involved with-”
“No. Go find someone else to be your bitch. I’m on my break.”
I can’t believe it… She really just told me to get lost… I thought we were friends… How the hell am I supposed to get someone to open the gates now? We need those liaisons gone, and I’ve been using too much energy trying to be omniscient to possess someone without their willing it.
And so the ghost of Erica sat and moped for a little over a week before Erica paid her any attention. It was at that point that a frothing, insane bone doctor came running out of the stockpiles and charged after that Aussie dwarf that nobody ever cared enough about to learn the name of.ThatAussieDwarf cancels Drink: Interrupted by bone doctor.The bone doctor was now covered in a mouth-full of booze.“WHERE IS SHE!? WHERE IS THE DEMON?! CLEANSE THE FILTH! BRING HER TO ME!”
The bone doctor beats the crap out of her!
Gizogin arrives, and fires at the bone doctor!
ThatAussieDwarf cancels Receive Ass Kicking: interrupted by Kill Stealing Bitch.
ThatAussieDwarf strikes the bone doctor in the head with her pick, and the severed part sails off in an arc!
The flying bronze bolt sails harmlessly through the now-empty head-space, impacting the wall and chipping the engraving!
Gizogin smashes the steel crossbow on her thigh, warping the steel, shredding the string, and bruising the thigh’s muscle.Meanwhile at the other end of the fortress, under Erica’s supervision;The Ethereal Engraver cancels Be Dead: too insane.
The Ethereal Engraver has gone stark raving mad!
The Ethereal Engraver possesses the peasant-liaison.
The peasant-liaison has fallen into the sea and drowned! That was fairly amusing. With Zasit once again willing to let me perform the necessary activities of running the fortress, I can… Sit here and do nothing. It’s the 18th Opal 539, I have 10 days left to run the fortress before the elections demand a new overseer (funny considering we have a mayor position…), and I can neither think of a single task to request nor do anything to speed up progress on the S-GES, since the entire workforce is involved with it. I suppose I should go grab a drink and consider my exit notices for the next overseer. Then I will bid farewell to my position in this fortress, and hopefully stay on Zasit’s good side.
Overseer’s exit notice: 28th Obsidian 539.
Congratulations on winning the elections, Overseer. I’m sure you feel the need to celebrate, but I’m also certain that any such celebrations must be brief, as your term begins here, and your personal success – and survival – depends entirely upon the intellectual and physical efforts you apply to your work. I cannot stress this enough, so I simply won’t. Contained herein are the orders that I feel are necessary to relay to you, that are now your responsibility to complete as much as they were mine.
Firstly; the removal of all burial districts and subsequent transplant into the upper catacombs and Dead Dwarf Storage area are to be continued. This project was titled the S-GES, or Strategic Ghost Emitter System. It’s purpose is obvious; release a shit-ton of ghosts into the fortress on cue. These ghosts will then terrorize everything living within the fortress or in a 3 square mile radius around it, and subsequently do battle with the forces of Queen Led. DO NOT pull the hematite lever, hereafter dubbed the “Big Red Button” in the closet off the south east corner of the control room, unless destruction of the fortress is already absolutely guaranteed. The reason being that the dead will attempt to assimilate survivors into their number, all living, for all eternity. Diagrams for future completion are contained below.
Should the fortress fall, and this system not be engaged, then all worlds are doomed to ten thousand years of misery under the rule of the Goddess of Death. Failcannon is the end of the road, all that is left.
Please search the fortress thoroughly for any coffins I may have missed, tear them down and reinter the dead in the Dead Dorf Storage area.
Next on the list of projects is rationalizing the fortress layout. During my reign I forbid many doorways and walled off many paths into areas of the fortress we no longer use which and have no short term purpose. This has helped greatly in keeping the dwarves in line and their minds on track. If you see it necessary to use them, then by all means do, but please lock down as much as possible.
Now, there were notes on the STFO around here somewhere, but I fail to locate them and thus couldn't tell you how best to continue that project. Essentially, all you need to do to turn on the lowest pump level is construct a horizontal axle along the power transmission at sea level. However, that same power transmission catwalk is forbidden as an accessway due to the extreme dangers of walking into the flow of water out of the STFO. Please, use the overhead walkways and staircases. The next part of the project should be a second level of pumps, in a tighter circle under the currently existing ring, and a third below that, making excavating the ocean floor possible. This project will likely take two years or so to complete.
Furthermore, I recently recieved word from an outside source that an engineer by the name of Mekboy, accompanied by Andreus, Mego, and possibly some other no-skill losers should be arriving sometime in the next year. You should already know that we desperately need migrants, so I expect you to let them in and divvy up their labors appropriately. Especially if there's anyone available for mining duty; don't have them hauling crap, they need to be mining, of course!
Finally, the dwarves don't need to worry about hauling random crap, but, according to the Labor Categorization and Definition Clause, they need to be designated as furniture haulers to construct basic buildings like coffins and slabs, and of course we need them to be interring the dead in said coffins. I undesignated several furniture stockpiles to prevent them tying to stockpile them and thus wasting time.
Good luck, and good riddance,
mortals fellow dwarves!
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Didn't intend to post that yet, I was trying to navigate back to DF...
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Topic: FailCannon: No Rest for the Wicked (or anyone else) (Succession: Battlefailed 2) (Read 939670 times)