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[EuchreJack]

The doc says: Get sick and die! (DD#2.)

Spoiler: My life is in your hands (click to show/hide)

This

Spoiler: Whoops (click to show/hide)

Nice, soooo....I suppose the chancellor will be replaced with the doge's horse pretty soon.

I think the Court Physician should be replaced with the doge's horse first.  As least the horse would make sure he was unconscious.

Hm, I wonder if the new patch will still implement the diseases, but you have to buy the DLC for the Court Physician.
New DLC policy: Purchase or die!

[gimli]

The doc says: Get sick and die! (DD#2.)

Spoiler: My life is in your hands (click to show/hide)

This

Spoiler: Whoops (click to show/hide)

Nice, soooo....I suppose the chancellor will be replaced with the doge's horse pretty soon.

I think the Court Physician should be replaced with the doge's horse first.  As least the horse would make sure he was unconscious.

Lmao, they _MUST_ add this to the lunatic events list IF the doc can be blamed for creating the lunatic monster.

[Teneb]

Hm, I wonder if the new patch will still implement the diseases, but you have to buy the DLC for the Court Physician.
New DLC policy: Purchase or die!

They said it is DLC content.

[Teneb]

So, apparently when an enemy army retreats voluntarily, the game lets THEM go a single province to attack half of my army. When *I* do a voluntary retreat, my army goes halfway across the fucking country.

This game hates me. It truly fucking does.

I mean, at this point I'm finding it more and more repulsive of an idea to actually play because the game find some way of twisting its own fucking rules to dick me. Or it'll kill me at the worst time to dick me. Or it'll make my liege decide that I need all my titles revoking. Or my vassals will spontaneously decide to do a mass revolt even though they all love me for no real reason at all.

I don't think the game is twisting its own rules so much as using some obscure rules that are incredibly hard for the player to even know about. Which, in a way, is about as bad.

As for mass revolts, desire for power trumps opinions, as evidenced by most of human history. Et tu, Brute?

[umiman]

So, apparently when an enemy army retreats voluntarily, the game lets THEM go a single province to attack half of my army. When *I* do a voluntary retreat, my army goes halfway across the fucking country.

This game hates me. It truly fucking does.

I mean, at this point I'm finding it more and more repulsive of an idea to actually play because the game find some way of twisting its own fucking rules to dick me. Or it'll kill me at the worst time to dick me. Or it'll make my liege decide that I need all my titles revoking. Or my vassals will spontaneously decide to do a mass revolt even though they all love me for no real reason at all.

I don't think the game is twisting its own rules so much as using some obscure rules that are incredibly hard for the player to even know about. Which, in a way, is about as bad.

As for mass revolts, desire for power trumps opinions, as evidenced by most of human history. Et tu, Brute?

Well, if this game wasn't obscure and obtruse, this thread wouldn't be 697 pages long.

[EuchreJack]

So, apparently when an enemy army retreats voluntarily, the game lets THEM go a single province to attack half of my army. When *I* do a voluntary retreat, my army goes halfway across the fucking country.

This game hates me. It truly fucking does.

I mean, at this point I'm finding it more and more repulsive of an idea to actually play because the game find some way of twisting its own fucking rules to dick me. Or it'll kill me at the worst time to dick me. Or it'll make my liege decide that I need all my titles revoking. Or my vassals will spontaneously decide to do a mass revolt even though they all love me for no real reason at all.

Do what I do: Abuse mercenaries.  Stash some cash, and don't touch it, so that you can win when the game throws this stuff at you.
As a tribe, prestige is as good as cash.  2500 troops for 500 prestige?  Yes please!

A few things I've had to learn the hard way:
Liege revoking - Usually occurs when your culture/religion don't match your liege.  Sometimes, your character can't change that, but if you let someone of your liege's culture/religion raise your heir, then your liege is less likely to revoke your stuff.

Vassals - Honestly, I have Conclave and it changes the rules considerably.  But pre-Conclave, you have to expect vassal revolts.  Mechanically, they leave factions at 60 relations, so any less doesn't really love you.  Once you beat your first revolt, you find out what started it and revoke provinces to weaken them all.

Every character dies.  Characters with spymasters that are either lousy or that hate them die quicker.  Pick a realm where the oldest inherits and daughters can inherit if no sons exist.

My apologies if you already know these things, but as I said, I had to learn them the hard way as well.

[Teneb]

And always remember: There is no problem in this game assassination cannot fix.

[hector13]

And always remember: There is no problem in this game assassination cannot fix.

Dat kinslayer trait doh.

[Teneb]

And always remember: There is no problem in this game assassination cannot fix.

Dat kinslayer trait doh.

Just keep assassinating. The negative opinion won't matter if there is no one alive.

[Rolan7]

Or get yourself assassinated.  Clean slate!

[hector13]

And always remember: There is no problem in this game assassination cannot fix.

Dat kinslayer trait doh.

Just keep assassinating. The negative opinion won't matter if there is no one alive.

Well you get opinion penalties if you get caught doing it too.

I think your target gets a -200 too

[Teneb]

Hey, remember that venice game I posted a while ago? It got crazier.

Spoiler: Click to expand images (click to show/hide)

Decided to repost the that first image to give it context in case you missed it. This is less than 20 years after the start. As you can see, Francia has taken an... unorthodox direction with its expansion. Meanwhile, the nomads eat away at the Eastern Empire.


Nice revolt colour, bro.


Zunbils turned traitor. It didn't save them.


RIP Ibadi.


Go back to a previous image where you can see Avaria. Note its size. Note the size of Croatia. Despite that, Croatia attacked and subjugated the Avars.



Holy and Roman, huh?


Meanwhile, in the Balkans...


Umayylmao being sneaky.


Georgia is Halal now.


People gang up on the Abbasids. Abbasids win.


A quick peek in the east.


Compared to some of the stuff that happens, free Friuli is tame


Umayyads are not the only ones being sneaky.


RIP Bavaria


Just because the Magyars are out of the picture, doesn't mean there can't be a pink horde.


Half the realm rebels? Nothing but a roadbump.


This is what happens when all your neighbours are too strong.


Forget the event, look at the guy.


He was a papal vassal. I have no idea why. He won his rebellion, but still.


That woman is a carpathian Genghis.


Carpathia killed a few more OPMs, while Slavonia somehow not only survives but expands.


A bit of sanity in a sea of madness.


Abbasids are not happy with owning North Africa, Middle East and Persia, they want Ethiopia too. Ignore the event.


Suddenly: Serbia.

[Man of Paper]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Descan]

Talk about a game of titans. Ummayads, Abbasids, HRE, Carpathia, ERE... And you're stuck smack-dab in the middle. Quite literally.

...

Good luck?

[Sirbug]

My map is not as amusing, but because of how unhistorical it got, I want to post it. It's my first serious playthough, so I'm easily amused.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The grey one is Holy Lollard Empire I was talking earlier.