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[cam]

Dear Dwarves,

I know it's a pain in the ass to walk all the way around the moat to get to the Eastern half of the map. However, please stop trying to get there via the new part of said moat that has ramps. The Moat is constantly flowing because it gets diverted off to the nearby cliff and dwarf legs are not powerful enough to beat the current of the moat. Which means that YOU get diverted off to the nearby cliff. Please stop this.

Love,

Your ever omnicient overseer

[Donuts]

Dear Dwarves,

I know it's a pain in the ass to walk all the way around the moat to get to the Eastern half of the map. However, please stop trying to get there via the new part of said moat that has ramps. The Moat is constantly flowing because it gets diverted off to the nearby cliff and dwarf legs are not powerful enough to beat the current of the moat. Which means that YOU get diverted off to the nearby cliff. Please stop this.

Love,

Your ever omnicient overseer

Dear  Mr. Overseer,

We just like baths, and we even train swimming! Plus the doctors get training.

Learn to see the good sides of stuff,

The Dwarves.

[Clover Magic]

Dear Genomes,

Yes, I know zombie fish are terrifying.  There are many legends about the horrors of zombie carps and sturgeons, both of which are currently in our river.

However, they are in the bottom of the river after a 11 zlevel waterfall, and are zombies because they were normal fish that fell to their deaths down the waterfall and reanimated due to our sinister biome (or in the case of the sturgeon, smacked with zombie pike tails for two seasons until dead).  There are at least 10 levels of sheer unramped cliff between you and the zombie fish, and despite their terrifying features and no need to breathe water, they haven't learned how to fly.  You're safe.  So stop cancelling jobs just because you see a scary thing in the water.  It can't get you.

Sincerely,
Overseer

[Cassandra]

Dear Clover.

But what if they climbed?

Terrified Workers.

[Clover Magic]

Dear Terrified Workers,

Thankfully Toady hasn't released the new version yet, so they are still climb-less.

Overseer.

[Cassandra]

Dear Clover,

Wait, they WILL be able to climb, at the whim of a god? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Really Terrified Workers, with recently damaged Loinclothes.

[Eric Blank]

Dear traders;

Thanks for not being complete dickheads this year, so we don't have to kill you and take all your stuff when you refuse to trade for less than 300% profit margins. Now, despite my broker still having abysmal social skills, how about you drive your prices down a bit lower? Before I have to get the pointy sticks out?

Sincerely, the Overseer of Headwaters who is a very shrewd trader.

Merchants these days... I used to make 13k trades with a 5☼ profit margin, now I have to hand over 2☼ for every 1 they surrender. Needless to say, my imported wealth tends to be very, very high, and my exported wealth very, very low in recent months.

[Hanslanda]

Dear Urist McSpeardwarf,

Great job. You did pretty fantastically, killing all those goblins that one time. It was awesome. I was so excited. But... You see... I'm kind of tired of my entire military being stuck in a tiny corridor because a webtitan plonked down at one end of it, and is just spamming webs ad infinitum. So. Since you're the closest one, and a badass to boot, could you kindly stab it, preferably in the brain? It's like two steps away. Surely you can make it two steps.
Please.
Just kill it.

Sincerely,
Overlord

[Eric Blank]

You should probably order them to retreat (cancel orders > civie cowards ahoy) If he gets in melee range of it and gets webbed before making the killing blow, it gets free headshots ad infinitum.

[Mr Space Cat]

Dear Urist McMiner, Urist McFisherdorf, and Urist McFarmer,

Why are the three of you all sleeping in the same bed?...and in the hospital no less. Are you guys just that kinky or something?

Also, leave some room at least for the engraver who bumped his head open. Honestly, show some respect, guys.

[Zaffre]

Dearest Miners,

I am glad you understand that whenever I tell you to do something, you do it. However, there seems to be an issue. You lately forget about mining, instead deciding to move the stones you have mined into the nearest stockpile which is much higher than you. You have been ordered to mine on over eight layers of stone, and I would like to see it done.

Sincerly,
The Overseer

[darklord92]

dear idlers and partyers

I know the dam being finished is a great celebration but half the population singing to dwarven carrieoky in the shower hall is not going to stop the flood in the west wing.

sincerely the overseer

[Zaffre]

Dearest Miners,

When we set out, we were to establish a fortress. This fortress was supposed to be self sufficient and easily defensible. You recently dug into a cave. I do not understand how a single helmet snake could take on five of you and kill two, and still be left standing. Because of the two dead dwarves, the rest of the fortress has been launched into a tantrum spiral. Also, I understand why one of you tried to bite its head off but now that you've been bitten in the head there isn't much to do for you.

Sincerely,
The Overseer

[4533josh]

Dear militia commander,
When a legendary miner who's only labor is mining has "Violated a production order" set by the manager, please do not stab him in the face, when there is a perfectly good jail right there.
It is also hypocritical to accuse others of not doing their jobs when after 10 sieges, your only kill is an innocent miner, and you prefer to stay in the booze supply complaining and wounding random animals with your Candy sword than actually leading your men on a patrol.
Yours sincerely,
the guy setting up magma tubes to your room
<3

[Maestro Ugo]

Dear Urist McCrafter,

I understand crafting rock mugs is not the most interesting thing in the world and you want some diversity in your life, but walking 7z levels down to pick up a block of stone, when there is a perfectly nice block on a stockpile 1 square from your workpost will not be tolerated.

Your Fatedecider