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[Firehawk45]

Yes, this is me in a good mood, you want me in a bad mood?

Good Mood:

"Garath is sketching pictures of angry childhaters."
"Garath has created Pasher, the killer of Forums, an angry pwnhammer"

Bad Mood:
Garath goes and kills a random forumuser.
"Garath has created (Insert cool name here), a forumuser "beware"-sign.

[Syuviel]

Dear Urist McCarpenterPants.

I'm not sure why your fellow dorfs so. When i told you to make barrels, you began hauling stone. When i told you never to haul things, you began building a wall. When i told you not to build a wall, you went to the craftshop and made wooden bolts. When i told you not to do ANYTHING besides make barrels, you went to get a drink of water, took a nap, and then had a brief tantrum.

Sincerely, 17 completely sober dwarves, and a brewerdwarf with no barrels.

[Slayerhero90]

Dear miners of Rambolted:

   You spam messages telling me about the being damp stone when I know where the water is, but when you decide to build some stairs up from cavern 3 to build me a manual pumpstack, I expect you to tell me when I've hit cavern 2's ocean. Tekkud, our resident Legendary Woodcrafter/  Not Legendary Pump Operator is now sleeping with the imaginary fishes. Cavern 3 is now flooded. I really liked those 2 adamantine spires. A legendary miner cannot make it to the staircase.

   Dear Tekkud:
      Screw you.

[Headhanger]

Dear Urist McMilitiaCommander,

There is a defensive wall surrounding the fortress entrance. This was designed with your fellow marksdwarves in mind. You can stand atop the wall and shoot goblins to your heart's content without being in danger of receiving a battleaxe to the face.

I realise that the fortifications are not finished yet, but please refrain from dodging off the wall to avoid goblin arrows.

At least dodge off the friendly side of the wall and not the goblin side.

And please refrain from giving birth while you're fighting for your life.


Yours faithfully,
A concerned and overworked overseer.

[ledgekindred]

Dear Urist McMason,

I'd like to thank you for your hard work at building that wall in time to prevent the goblins from getting in.

I'd like to but of course I can't.  Because you didn't.  Because you said there was something in the way.  I looked.  You want to know what it was?

A piece of pigtail fiber thread.

You utter, narkking idiot!  We lost nearly 40 citizens because you couldn't get a wall up in time, due to a fricken piece of string.  Oh yeah, and you had the temerity to survive the invasion intact.

Yrs
Rage-stomping Omniscient Overlord

[Tolisk]

Dear Urist McEveryone,

When someone turns into a wereracoon, you don't rush into his room to grab his pants!

Yours,
The facepalming guy inside the sky.

[Broseph Stalin]

Dear UristMceveryfuckingdwarfunderthesun

GET OFF THE FUCKING MINECART TRACKS! EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU HAS A LEGENDARY DINING ROOM TO FUCK AROUND IN, A GRAND BEDROOM TO PISS AWAY YOUR DAYS, AND A FUCK TON OF WORK TO DO! INSTEAD YOU ALL FUCKING INSIST ON MILLING DIRECTLY ON THE FUCKING MINECART TRACKS! THERE IS ONLY ONE SET OF FUCKING TRACKS, THEY AREN'T NEAR FUCKING ANYTHING, THEY ARE IN A RESTRICTED FUCKING AREA LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE! WHY? WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING FASCINATED BY STANDING DIRECTLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING MINECART TRACKS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'VE DONE? THERE ARE NO MORE FUCKS LEFT IN MY BODY I AM NOW FUCK DEFICIENT! FUCK ALL OF YOU! FUCK!

Your profanity shouting overseer. 

[Vyro]

Dear Urists McFreshblood!

You see that Urist McPorcupine laying there in front of the gates? Yes, the one that is currently unconscious and being repeatedly kicked by a bunch of crossbow goblins? He put on a helmet. A shitty copper one, which, however, has proven to be more than enough to deflect iron crossbow bashes to the head for about a hundred pages of report. Hence, he is still alive. He will be rescued, recover (despite a dozen of concussions) and return to his duties as a crossbowdorf. He will even get "shakyhands" as a custom nickname.
Now see those corpses of your fellow squadmates? They didn't put on a helmet. And now they are dead. All they'll get is a shitty rock coffin our mason practiced on.

Choose life!

[Tolisk]

Dear Urist McSwords noob
Why did you just drop your sword in the caverns, then proceed to climb all the way back to the fortress and grab a bin, haul it back down, and shove your masterwork sword inside, when it is yours and you have uniform on when inactive. You may have dropped it when you were fighting a GC Spider, but that doesnt excuse you as it never hit you, instead being deflected by your masterwork iron armor.

Your crying savior,
Tolisk.

[WillowLuman]

Dear Urist McWeremammoth

WHAT THE FUCK. That came RIGHT THE HELL OUT OF NOWHERE.

Sincerely, The Shadows on the Wall.

PS: I think you ought to have told us about your condition before it became an issue. Instead, you just kept it a secret then suddenly transformed into an unstoppable killing machine that destroyed our entire population in 15 seconds. I hope you're happy.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McCarpenterPants.

I'm not sure why your fellow dorfs so. When i told you to make barrels, you began hauling stone. When i told you never to haul things, you began building a wall. When i told you not to build a wall, you went to the craftshop and made wooden bolts. When i told you not to do ANYTHING besides make barrels, you went to get a drink of water, took a nap, and then had a brief tantrum.

Sincerely, 17 completely sober dwarves, and a brewerdwarf with no barrels.

Rock pots.

[Garath]

Yes, this is me in a good mood, you want me in a bad mood?

Good Mood:

"Garath is sketching pictures of angry childhaters."
"Garath has created Pasher, the killer of Forums, an angry pwnhammer"

Bad Mood:
Garath goes and kills a random forumuser.
"Garath has created (Insert cool name here), a forumuser "beware"-sign.

aw man, I was hoping to have magma all around, guess I'm still too soft.

[Splint]

You can make epic stuff with Magma's aid, but not out of magma. Dwarves mastered the iceblock wall, not the nonsolidified magma wall.

[Andux]

PS: I think you ought to have told us about your condition before it became an issue.

Ye didnae ask - and I ne'er sayed I weren't a werebeastie.

Yers Tuskedly,
Urist McWeremammoth Sosadbufut Kosh

[krenshala]

You can make epic stuff with Magma's aid, but not out of magma. Dwarves mastered the iceblock wall, not the nonsolidified magma wall.

Dwarves have mastered the use of solidified magma, however.  They build equally well with water as with lava.  Usually through the application of one to the other, of course.