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[Draignean]

Dear Urist McMiner

There is a reason why I asked you to carve out a little niche Before you bore into the frozen river, otherwise you will freeze to death in the ankle deep water when the sunlight hits you. I'd say don't do it again but the rest of the team is busy excavating your corpse from the ice, so instead I think I'll have this engraved on your memorial.

- Your benevolent overseer

[MasterMorality]

Borioth,

Listen, guys. I know that artefact iron barrel that was crafted early on in the fort is nice, but seriously, you don't need to engrave it five times in the same location. There are three other artefacts that you can busy yourself with.
Similarly, there is no need to depict the founding of the fort so frequently, nor the fall of the same couple of nobles again and again.
We have, over the past few years, had some genuinely interesting and heroic figures, some genuinely interesting situations - are you ging to tell me that these stories and events have completely passed you by?
Four forgotten beasts, one cyclops, a minotaur and countless sieges/ambushes. Why have you not even made passing mention of these things!?
Seriously, new subject matter becomes an artist: time to change it up guys.

Amused, if not somewhat bored,
Your Creator and Overlord.

[Akura]

Dear traders,
  I know last year I enthusiastically requested a variety of animals from the liason. However, would it have killed you to bring something other than animals? We're dying of low booze here, and the brewers and pot and barrel makers can't seem to keep up with the demand!
Sincerely,
Overseer cancels sign letter, too thirsty.

[Deus Machina]

Dear military of Merchantbraided,

First, why hadn't you equipped yourself with the weapons from the goblins you killed off half a year ago? You just left them in the elements, aside from one of you picking up some bolts.

Second, when the cyclops came, and I had to station on this side of the bridge--with half the fresh goblinite deposit--why weren't you picking stuff up then?

Third, I am awarding a masterful dolomite cabinet and promotion to Urist McUnskilledMarksdwarf for taking a single shot from one end of our full-sized wood stockpile to beyond the other and sticking a copper bolt into the cyclop's head. One shot, not even a hello, and it's unconscious on the ground.

The rest of you should be happy with the experience you gained when he lead the charge of both largely unarmed and -armored squads, because you sure took your time kicking the thing to death.

Sincerely,
your bemused overseer

[Andal]

Dear Urist McPotter,

Look, I understand your urges to express yourself through the creative medium of clay. Some of your creations have been sublime works of perfection, symbols of dwarven might, ingenuity and comradeship. But only some. Can you please stop wasting what little clay we can glean from glorious elf-slaughter on making statues of rats? Seriously. And no, that one statue of two rats doesn't count as different. More statues of dwarves would be nice.

Sincerely,
Overseer of Laboredcontrolled

P.S. No, statues of dark horrors are not going to be appreciated either. And I don't care if it's an expression of an artist's despair at the suppression of his art, it's creepy.

[Seriyu]

Dear Crossbow Squad,

I realize you all have some kind of long standing feud with the local wolf population, judging by your commander shooting a wolf through two fortifications and down a hill while a giant was not five feet away, but I would appreciate it if you didn't get distracted in the middle of seiges, as this has lead to the death of four perfectly serviceable swordsdwarves.

Sincerely,
The voice in your head telling you all to do various things

[BlueMagic]

Dear Malfol McCook,

Wine and alcohol are very good ingredients for meals in small doses. This is because we live in a tundra and we don't even have fucking trees or found a cavern. The brook freezes over during the wintertime you dumbass. What the hell, you used ALL THE ALCOHOL IN YOUR MEALS!?! I know meals can conserve food which is why I made you prepare the food in the first place, since our well was a huge epic fail on my part and we have to wait for the brook to thaw out in the summertime.

Thanks to you, half the fortress is dead and the other half dehydrated and at least a few of the ghosts are going to be whining and wrecking shit. Armok, I never thought I'd be happy to see Elves of all people!

-What the fuck,
Blue

Dear Urist McHauler,

dude no

the FLODGTE goes in FRONT of you

armko fuck

no dude

PUT
THE FLOODGATe

in font

NOT INSIDE HTE WELL

-how HIGH do you even have to be
-Blue

[schussel]

Dear Malfol McCook,

Wine and alcohol are very good ingredients for meals in small doses. This is because we live in a tundra and we don't even have fucking trees or found a cavern. The brook freezes over during the wintertime you dumbass. What the hell, you used ALL THE ALCOHOL IN YOUR MEALS!?! I know meals can conserve food which is why I made you prepare the food in the first place, since our well was a huge epic fail on my part and we have to wait for the brook to thaw out in the summertime.

Thanks to you, half the fortress is dead and the other half dehydrated and at least a few of the ghosts are going to be whining and wrecking shit. Armok, I never thought I'd be happy to see Elves of all people!

-What the fuck,
Blue

Dear Urist McHauler,

dude no

the FLODGTE goes in FRONT of you

armko fuck

no dude

PUT
THE FLOODGATe

in font

NOT INSIDE HTE WELL

-how HIGH do you even have to be
-Blue

dude comic sans .. phew

btw you can forbid alcohol for cooking in the kitchen screen and better do it early

[A-chana]

Dear Urist McFodder
How did you even know you're a sacrificial lamb? Was it the fact that you're completely inexperienced, but suddenly got assigned to be the captain of the guard during a siege? Or was it the fact that I sent you outside all by yourself?

But, come on, it's either you or 90% of the only real soldiers, because on a test run they all got lured around the water and either drowned or got separated and crushed by a million macegoblins. And it'd take years to build it back up, something I can't afford when I just hit some cotton candy (it'd take too long make armor for the current military, and I might miss another caravan) and have been mocking the elves consistently for about six years.

so please just. stop trying to store random items in random bins inside. If you get them across the bridge without dying, I'll even dismiss you so you can run the heck away. go back outside, the goblins can't path because they are dumb and smelly and

Signed,
the worst overseer ever, I swear

- - -

Dear goblin squad leader,
How do you even drown on a crocodile mount. Just. Direct it back on land. Or dismount it and climb up yourself, though it's questionable if that would work because it's a river without ramps.

Also, your subordinates can't seem to figure out how to cross a bridge without my help, so it's all your faults that I have to send out a sacrificial lamb to begin with. Bite me.

Signed,
still a bad overseer

[billybobfred]

dude no

the FLODGTE goes in FRONT of you

armko fuck

no dude

PUT
THE FLOODGATe

in font

NOT INSIDE HTE WELL

-how HIGH do you even have to be

you got to
FLIP it,
TURN-WAYS

[Samuel]

Dear Goblin Snatcher,
Far be it from me to teach you how to do your job, but I believe the idea is to capture the child, not stab them in the head.

Signed,
A Facepalming Overseer.

[shadenight123]

dear merchant of the capital,
 you no longer are content with a 1K cut, and now wish a 5K before concluding anything. This will not stand.
do not worry though, i have a gift for you, just reach the NEW depot area, in that chasm over there, and do not worry for the five floodgates or the retractable bridges which seem to compose the only way in. You'll be fine. i swear it on a Tree.

[Nilik]

Dear Urist McJeweler,

I understand that you were instructed to encrust finished goods with gems, but I really had the big pile of stone and clay crafts in mind. That you've managed to encrust several ropes with jewels is impressive, if somewhat baffling, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't do it again.

Also, jewel-encrusted quivers? Jewel-encrusted waterskins? Really? Our marksdwarves will appreciate the bling I'm sure, but their ability to remain camoflaged will be greatly hindered by the fact that they now sparkle.

Sincerely,

Urist McExpedition Leader

[Deus Machina]

Dear marksdwarv squad,
   That vaguely brickwork-looking-stuff floating in the sky is to mark where the masons are going to build the floor of out archers' platform, not actual brickwork. There's a walkway all the way around it. Please try to stay on that.

Until the the entire range of them is finished, you guys are going back to training. I'm glad this platform is on our side of the moat, because I'm honestly amazed that every last one of you managed to dodge down the unbuilt center hole and knock yourself silly.

Dear Urist McClothsmith,
   WE ARE IN A SIEGE! This is NOT the time to arrange a 'at my best friend alerted us to the invasion before he got shot in the liver 37 times' party!

Dear Smunstu al-Bowgoblin,
  My previous letters' arrow count was not an exaggeration. You revealed yourself to Urist McWoodhauler (also our broker and best appraiser, thank you very much) and were immediately preceded by a veritable cyclone of pointy projectiles. Between the 15 bowgoblins in your group, Urist had, at last count, no less than 37 arrows stuck in him. And that's not even counting any that broke off out of view.
   I would congratulate you on how few of them actually missed, but I do notice that half of you actually had to back away to give yourselves room to fire.
   You wait until I have these archers' posts done. We're coming for you!
   Once these masons finish the fortifications. We don't, you know, actually want to get shot back at.

Soon to be stripping your arrow-ridden corpses of all valuables and fresh pants without holes in inopportune areas,
the overseer.

[Renzuko]

dear urist mcweaponsmith

...rosegold? really man? you were SURROUNDED by steel, silver, iron, pig iron and copper, and what you chose, was rose gold.

now, im not saying that im not happy with the rose gold mace you made...even though we dont currently have a macedwarf in the fort, but really man? you couldnt have picked a better metal?

now before you start making excuses that a demon or ghost possessed you, i call bullshit, i think your just trying to screw with the first macedwarf we get by making me equip him with a pretty purple mace

signed

mildly annoyed oversear.