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[ZachUSAman]

also, dear everyone. there is currently 35 of you doing nothing, and there is an artifact quality floodgate just sitting on the floor.
PUT IT ON THE GOD DAMN ARTIFACT STORAGE ROOM ALREADY OR SOMEBODY IS GOING TO BE DIGGING OUR NEW MAGMA PIPES!!

[ledgekindred]

Dear Goblin Prisoners,

See all that purple stuff surrounding your cages?  That's miasma.  You know where it comes from?  FROM THE ROTTING CORPSES OF APPROXIMATELY 40 OF YOUR FELLOW GOBLINS WHO WERE SLAUGHTERED WITHOUT MERCY! (and frankly with quite a lot of enjoyment.)

SMELL MY VICTORY STENCH!!  SMELL IT!!!

MUahahhahahahahahhahahahahah!!!

Yrs Laughing Maniacally,
Supreme and Omniscient Overlord

p.s.  MWWAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McMiner,
I know the herbalist is your friend, and he hosted a party, but you should be mining cobalt.
The werewolves want us dead, here.

[Mcducks22]

Dear Urist McMason:

You know that wall you were ordered to build? I ordered it because there were twenty demons making their way up the stairs. You were our only hope at stopping them. So why, WHY did you decide to stop because you saw a demon when you were five seconds away from finishing?? You IDIOT!

Sincerely, all the 73 dwarfs who blame their deaths on you!

[billybobfred]

To: Urist McMayor
Re: Mandates

We do not have any lead. Therefore, lay pewter is very hard to make, despite our abundance of its two other ingredients. You are very lucky that one bar of lead makes four bars of lay pewter, and that a single cage produces a full bar when melted. I do not like giving my nobles magma baths, but I will if I have to.


From: Urist McMayor
Re: Mandates

Ahahaha hey you know what? those bars you had forged? totally good enough for me!


To: Urist McMayor
Re: Mandates

Smart man.

[Cromage]

Dear Urist McMayor,

Your dedication to duty is commendable, as is your humble belief that no dwarf, no matter what their station, is too high to perform ordinary tasks.

However, most of the workforce is currently free to perform these duties as well, and YOU have a meeting with the outpost liason. Please stop picking plump helmets/rearranging the cattle and MEET with him.

Sincerely, One Who Watches Your Sorry Ass

[shadenight123]

From Urist mcmayor, to Overseer,
i'm sorry, but my colleagues of Trusseltruth do the same thing, we have forged an Union and are currently on the "non meeting liasons" strike. Please respect my workers rights. Just until i ask you for obviously un-obtainable items.

[Shook]

Dear Urist McWeaponsmith,
THANK YOU. You went in a secretive mood, grabbed a bar of iron, and made an artifact battle axe. Which, conveniently enough, is my very first actually useful artifact that isn't furniture. I mean sure, Urist McCarpenter's barrel isn't bad, but it can't cut stuff like your axe. I'm sure that Urist McAxedorf will enjoy using it! For this, you earn a cool name.

Sincerely,
A for once very pleased floating X

---

Dear Human McPlayer,
Remember to check what's beneath a lake before crashing a floor through it. You managed to burn all our gems with magma due to this. Also, please be careful around volcanoes. Lava is awesome, but it's fluid and pretty hot too. Our brains can't compute consequences as of yet, so you have to do that for us.

Yours carefully,
The dorfs of Beardfortress

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear all dwarves,
Stay away from the blizzard man. It is dangero...


Dear all surviving dwarves,
Stay away from where a near-death expedition leader is keeping the aforementioned blizzard man busy by being strangled and not moving while the blizzard man constantly passes out from exhaustion.

Dear Urist McExpeditionLeader,
If you survive long enough that the blizzard man gets bored, you are getting the best tomb I can give you and an awesome accident. If you die first, and the fort survives, you will get the first tomb. Either way, I thank you.
And if you kill the beast, you are getting an awesome bedroom and private dining room, along with an awesome office, and the office of sheriff. Good luck.

[Sting_Auer]

Dear Urist McFisherDwarf and Urist McGrower and Urist McCrafter:

I understand that you were attacked by alligators and died horrible deaths. However, Alligators are slow creatures and leave you alone unless provoked. Why did you feel the ned to poke the alligator? Thanks to you, the 4 surviving dwarves are likely to starve to death.

Sincerely,
Sting_Auer

[Kogut]

Starve? You are playing on glacier/desert?

[jaxy15]

To: Dead military
RE: Battle with jabberer

Come on, did you have to commit suicide by attacking one at a time?
You had decent weaponry.
Just gang up on it.

[schussel]

Dear Urist McFisherDwarf and Urist McGrower and Urist McCrafter:

I understand that you were attacked by alligators and died horrible deaths. However, Alligators are slow creatures and leave you alone unless provoked. Why did you feel the ned to poke the alligator? Thanks to you, the 4 surviving dwarves are likely to starve to death.

Sincerely,
Sting_Auer

umm alligators tend to be quite agressive once you enter their personal space.. wich seems to be quite large^^

[Mister Always]

Dear Urist McFisherDwarf and Urist McGrower and Urist McCrafter:

I understand that you were attacked by alligators and died horrible deaths. However, Alligators are slow creatures and leave you alone unless provoked. Why did you feel the ned to poke the alligator? Thanks to you, the 4 surviving dwarves are likely to starve to death.

Sincerely,
Sting_Auer

umm alligators tend to be quite agressive once you enter their personal space.. wich seems to be quite large^^

Think about it. Dwarves eat mostly meat and cheese, and live entirely off of alcohol. They also can't be very fast, with those short legs. To an alligator, they must look like dinner-for-four on wheels.

[schussel]

Dear Urist McFisherDwarf and Urist McGrower and Urist McCrafter:

I understand that you were attacked by alligators and died horrible deaths. However, Alligators are slow creatures and leave you alone unless provoked. Why did you feel the ned to poke the alligator? Thanks to you, the 4 surviving dwarves are likely to starve to death.

Sincerely,
Sting_Auer

umm alligators tend to be quite agressive once you enter their personal space.. wich seems to be quite large^^

Think about it. Dwarves eat mostly meat and cheese, and live entirely off of alcohol. They also can't be very fast, with those short legs. To an alligator, they must look like dinner-for-four on wheels.

i lost several embarks due to alligators in a nearby streams that chased and hunted down nearby dwarfs :/ to the extend that the dwarfs didnt even get the threat or were far to slow for those gators