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[K17U]

Dear Rookie Squad

I see you are all growing more content with your current situation. That is good, really.
After ruthlessly drafting all of you into the military right upon your arrival here, this is almost more than I would have hoped for.
However, all of You should realize one thing. The wooden training axes you're sparring with right now are nothing more than temporary solutions, and will be replaced with steel and/or adamantine axes as soon as possible. That might be a very vague statement, considering the state of our steel and/or adamantine industry right now, but nonetheless I have to insist that You do NOT grow attached to these wooden toys.

Sincerly
Your supreme leader

[Silent_Thunder]

Dear Urist McDoctor,
Is there any chance you could Spay and Neuter my military? I'm tired of Urist McAxedwarf tantruming EVERY time one of his.... 12...13...15 children dies during a seige.

Sincerely,
The Overseer

Dear Urist McAxedwarf,
Oh good you've gone berzerk. No matter, the military shall see to your..... oh.... thats gonna be a problem. Well im sure your children can calm..... ok thats disturbing Urist. Well at least the refugees are safe in.....the....caverns.... Oh dear...

Sincerely,
The Overseer

[Horizon9]

Dear Urist McAxedwarf

I see you're enjoying your new armor. Well it's good that you like the armor we've assigned you, but we need to get some things straight. You're needed around the fortress, to make sure things are fine. Standing in the armor stockpile admiring your armor is not going to keep this fortress safe, considering the fact you're the only drafted dwarf until we get more migrants. I'd like for you to at least leave the stockpile every now and then.

Regards,
The Managment

[billybobfred]

Memo to new arrival Urist McMilker
Re: your legendary status

Wow. Um, I do, as it happens, have, sort of, plans for a whole milk industry, thing, here, so you'll be very helpful on that front. But, uh, given that you can clearly migrate to any fort you want, why did you choose my tiny little one that hasn't even existed for two full years yet?

[TolyK]

Mr. High master milker.

...

That is all.

[Musashi]

Dear Urist McBabypoppers and your husbands,

there are more of you than I thought.
As of today, more than 10% of the population of 216 (!!!) dwarfs at Urnflashes of Autumn are underage. Yep.
26 children and babies.
Entire team is babies.
I warn you I'm gonna draft every single young peasant I see into the army.
... except the mayor because he's, well, the mayor, and a pretty decent one at that, and the peasant of the same age he's in love with because... because they're kinda cute together and I don't want the mayor to tantrum. Also, she's not underage anymore. And I really shouldn't need to give excuses as to why I won't doom kids, dammit!
So yeah.
They'll get all the discarded equipment they can find. Most will end up with leather armor and unmelted iron maces. I am in dire need of disposable meatshields.
Don't look at me like that. I warned you twice before. TWICE. But noooo you kept... doing whatever you're doing, and I seriously hope it's that spore thing else I'll never be able to even look at all these beds again. You brought that upon yourself. I'm kinda sorry the kids will suffer for your stupidity. No, wait, YOU will suffer for your stupidity. Knowing my people, they'll die fast and in a happy mood, if not ecstatic. You, however, will become miserable, trample tables, feel better, and then get sentenced to a well-deserved beating just when you became sane again just because you're dumbasses. And the beating will be long and painful and very probably deadly, seeing how the last one went. That's what gonna happen.
This fortress has an ungodly amount of haulers. UNGODLY, I SAY. We can't afford more useless citizens. We're just a barony, too! It's not like the king has come with the whole of his court and family!
Last and ultimate call: I may show mercy if you have one kid, and let them lead a civilian life. Consider this place China frow now on, only more democratic... yes it is more democratic, I'm not censoring any of your media... what was I saying? Oh, right. More democratic, less goddamn sexist, and with more magma.

No love,
your Overseer who never liked children to begin with

[Encased in burning magma]

why did you choose my tiny little one that hasn't even existed for two full years yet?

I do, as it happens, have, sort of, plans for a whole milk industry

[Musashi]

Dear Uzno Von Gobbothiefs,

did you just kidnap two of our kids without being detected?
Could you please keep up the good job?
Great, thanks.

My formal greetings,

the Overseer of that place with the frozen fortress

[GreenJelly]

Dear Urist McWallbuilders

After getting tired of fidgeting with you when you decided to build from the wrong side, I decided to just watch and see if you could manage on your own.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This is not acceptable.

Despite your incredulous idiocy, you are all in luck. Those expansion shafts for the drowning chambers are not connected yet, and the hatches you're standing on are just a short drop from the floor, so you should all escape unharmed... Once I decide that you've suffered enough in your self-inflicted isolation and give the order to pull the lever.

Jelly

[K17U]

Dear Urist McWallbuilders

After getting tired of fidgeting with you when you decided to build from the wrong side, I decided to just watch and see if you could manage on your own.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This is not acceptable.

Despite your incredulous idiocy, you are all in luck. Those expansion shafts for the drowning chambers are not connected yet, and the hatches you're standing on are just a short drop from the floor, so you should all escape unharmed... Once I decide that you've suffered enough in your self-inflicted isolation and give the order to pull the lever.

Jelly

I can relate.

[Elu]

Dear Urist McMechanic

please stop building floodgate in the wrong side, it's the third time that happens, and next time disciplinary actions of really high grade(about twelve thousand) will be taken.
also please note that the only mechanic of the fortress, the only dwarf that can link the floodgate to a lever and open it, is currently isolated between a river and a floodgate, built. by. himself.

is now being considered if his idiot life is worth the destruction of that floodgate, any decision will(maybe) be communicated promptly, in the meantime, feel free to socialize with those fish, but beware the carp.


sincerely
your slightly disappointed Administrator

Dear Urist McWallbuilders

After getting tired of fidgeting with you when you decided to build from the wrong side, I decided to just watch and see if you could manage on your own.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

This is not acceptable.

Despite your incredulous idiocy, you are all in luck. Those expansion shafts for the drowning chambers are not connected yet, and the hatches you're standing on are just a short drop from the floor, so you should all escape unharmed... Once I decide that you've suffered enough in your self-inflicted isolation and give the order to pull the lever.

Jelly

i can feel your disappontment man

[Beach Bum]

Dear Urist,

I know I have no idea what I'm doing but please ignore any orders tell you to channel into the river before the farm proper is built. I know it was pretty much guaranteed death when you proceeded to mine the wall out and got trapped immediately afterwards. When you fail to build the proper escape routes first this is what happens, you have no reason to be haunting your friends. It is not their fault that your body is unrecoverable at this time. You had the only mining pick now we have to hope we can pick up one on the next caravan.

Sorry and go back to being dead,
Your Glorious Leader

[Samuel]

Dear Urist McDoctor,
I understand that you're new to the job. And I can understand you making a few mess-ups. But what I cannot understand is how you can mess up that badly. And of all people, our expedition leader?

I'm not mad enough at you to order you killed, but in exchange, you're going to have to explain to the guy that, while fixing a cut on his foot, you permenantly paralyzed him.

Signed,
A Baffled Overseer.

[Urist McWTF?]

(this note is pinned to a richly decorated coffin)

Dear Urist McMarksdwarf,

you were one of my best sharpshooters. Indeed, you were so good that you not only commanded my marksdwarfssquad, but also went out hunting whenever you had the opportunity. So why, WHY, did you think that when the alarm was sounded, it would be the perfect moment to take a nap? On the floor? Right behind the corner where the drawbridge was raised just a moment too late, so that the one goblin could aim just perfectly with his spear?

The autopsy concluded that the goblin hit you just once. Right through the eye, shattering your skull and tearing your brain.

Serves you right.

[adwarf]

Dear 7 to 8 Urist McCarpenters

Build the damn floor I have over 200 pieces of wood

Build it damnit