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[UristMcDwarf]

Dear UristMcVandal

JGKGLVJAVG
WHY DID YOU DESTROY THE FARM FLOODGATE
GJKVJHRG
THE FARM WAS ALMOST DRY, AND YOU GO FLOOD IT AGAIN.
HVFLEHVTJLHGL
NOW WE CAN'T HELP URISTMCFEY, WE CANT GROW ANY PIG TAILS!
KFH;KVGRHWI

that is all.

[billybobfred]

Dear Urist McMason

Um. Before you ask, this is my own fault, but. We kind of need a hatch cover. No biggie, but, ah, for aesthetic reasons, I'd kind of like to block off that stairway down to a magma-flooded cavern. So. Could you get on that, real quick? Thanks.

On a lighter note, we're all very lucky I didn't decide to build that second magma smelter in the other direction! ... No, the fancy bedrooms for the original seven wouldn't have been flooded. The walls were up. We would have just lost a bunch of cassiterite.

[Urist McTaverish]

Actually, it's a Paranoia reference, not a 1984 reference.

Kinda a combination because I'm sure Friend Computer wouldn't call itself "comrade."

[UristMcDwarf]

Dear Dr. Urist

You have all medical labors activated.
NOW GO SAVE URISTMCHELPLESS, WHO JUST HAD HIS FOOT RIPPED OFF.

GO AND HELP HIM,
Your invisible diety.

[Kc_spot]

Dear Dr. Urist

You have all medical labors activated.
NOW GO SAVE URISTMCHELPLESS, WHO JUST HAD HIS FOOT RIPPED OFF.

GO AND HELP HIM,
Your invisible diety.

This. My medic has nothing but medical jobs on... THE RECRUIT IS MISSING A ARM!!! HELP HIM ALREADY!!!!

[Rowanas]

Actually, it's a Paranoia reference, not a 1984 reference.

Kinda a combination because I'm sure Friend Computer wouldn't call itself "comrade."

...damn. Defeated by communist tricks again!

[Samuel]

Dear Urist McSoapMaker,
Alright, Tyler Durden, we have a bit of a problem. We're still working on reclaiming this fortress since everybody died recently, so we don't have all the dwarves we need to fill our requirements. In fact, the most important job of all has nobody to fulfill it. That's where you come in. You are now hereby our brewer. It's not that hard of a job, you'll get used to it. Good luck.

Signed,
Your Overseer

PS Also, a doctor. You're a doctor now. Try not to kill anybody.

[Insert_Name]

Dear Urist McMarksdwarf,

I understand that you ran out of ammo, and it was perfectly understandable when you left your post to get more. I had even constructed an entire extra floor on your tower to store more for these situations. However, it was not acceptable for you to leave the tower, walk along the unprotected cliff face to get more ammo from Arrmok knows where, and turn yourself into the elite goblin bowman's pincushion. Luckily, after I diverted the the rest of your squad from their post to a nearby cliff, they were able to kill the goblin before a fatal shot was fired, and you are no longer at risk of bleeding out. Unfortunately, you will still be held responsible for the death of Urist McMeleedwarf at the hands of the other elite goblin bowman who managed to slip past the chokepoint that your squad was meant to be defending.

Your Benevolent Overseer.

Dear Urist McDoctor,

Urist McMarksdwarf has been in the hospital for a month already, and his various injuries have still not received any treatment whatsoever. Normally I would deem this a suitable punishment for the harm his actions have caused to this fortress, but he is one of the very few dwarves we have capable of handling a crossbow, making him a valuable asset to our military. Should he succumb to any of the countless infections that have developed in his wounds, you and your useless colleagues will be punished as if you had murdered him with a conventional weapon. Be grateful that I am kind enough not to give you a greater punishment.

Your Benevolent Overseer.

[ungulateman]

Dear UristMcAlligator,

That snailman didn't do anything to you, yet you tore it in half. Good job, we'll be capturing and taming you post-haste.

Your friendly neighbourhood fortress

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Kobold McThief,

I appreciate your sneaking skills.  They must be legendary.  You got past several posts with war and hunting dogs.  You snuck past all my traps.  You eve snuck past a hallway full of military dwarves.  I am happy for you, seriously, but I have one question... why did you stab my puppy?  More importantly why did you skip past all the bedrooms, my vault, my offices, my stockpiles, AND my kitchen... to stab a poor, helpless, adorable puppy?

Sincerely, the Puppy Loving Overseer

Dear Urist McMilitary,

Why in the name of Armok did you let that kobold not only get past all the defenses... but why did you do absolutely nothing when he was on his way out after stabbing the puppy?  You take down siege by sheer dwarfy might alone!  You are all battle hardened, scarred, vicious, killing machines who no longer have feelings!  You shouldn't let some stinky, skulking kobold get away, especially after stabbing a puppy!  I swear if you weren't needed in defense of the fort and everything assaulting us I'd lock you all in my cleaning room and let you drown.

Sincerely, your Puppy Loving Overseer

[Musashi]

Dear migrants,

You still aren't especially good at anything. Except the doctor. She's the 4th one to be a High Master in both Diagnostician and Wound Dressing. Which still makes her the 4th one of her kind. And quite useless at that point. Why? Why do you useless morons keep cOming HEre desPITE The Dang""&icg"tvglgnzgbet ylr

[Musashi interrupted Writing a Note to Urist: too insane
Musashi has gone berserk!
Musashi is stationing the newest squad on a bridge.]

[TolyK]

lulz
actually keep the doctor though. I had a dwarf die with 2 great doctors around... very helpful when fighting hoards of trolls from the caverns 

[Musashi]

lulz
actually keep the doctor though. I had a dwarf die with 2 great doctors around... very helpful when fighting hoards of trolls from the caverns 

I've kept all the doctors I've had. They are filling almost one full page in the nits screen. D:

[TolyK]

then keep the top 5.

the rest go to the mulcher.

[Barakahzai]

Dear Urist McPeasant,

Thank you for taking your sweet time pulling the lever to keep out the dragon. Not only did the dragon waltz right in the front gate, managing to incinerate more than a quarter of the fort's population (including no less than 3 legendary engravers, 2 legendary miners, and my broker, mayor, captain of the guard) before the military lynched him, but my food supply also managed to catch fire as the dragon ravaged the lower levels of the fort. Now, thanks to you deciding hauling a plump helmet to what is now the smoldering remains of my pantry was more important than pulling the lever to keep out the dragon, my entire fort is dying of starvation. Thank you for your diligence in performing your duties as a peasant. Once I get this mess sorted, you're being promoted to gladiator.

Sincerely,
   Urist McOverlord

P.S. We here at the fortress take a BYOB approach to armor and weapons for gladiators. Cheers.