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[Bumber]

Dear overseer of Raspedlances,

You do know vampires and zombies are like best buddies, dont you?

Sincerely, A. Vampire

Sure, hang out with your buddy. Don't mind the fact that everyone else seems to be freaking out for some reason.

[Derro]

Dear Urist McFarmer

Firstly, you took the expedition leader post that I had intended for someone else. Then, when I give you the simplest task possible - chain up a turkey outside so we can investigate the horrid murk - you don't simply waltz through the murk while moving the turkey, but even go take a nap in there. At least you helped me discover that it causes slow and painful death, so I guess justice got served.

[Indricotherium]

Dear overseer of Raspedlances,

You do know vampires and zombies are like best buddies, dont you?

Sincerely, A. Vampire

Sure, hang out with your buddy. Don't mind the fact that everyone else seems to be freaking out for some reason.

You get it. Too bad I released the zombie into the general population like a numbskull when I got distracted by a migrant wave and forgot to lock the airlock of the holding facility. 

[that_eye]

Dear Wood Burner Nil uristlogem,

You have the craftsdwarfship labor enabled. If you're stressed out due to going too long without practicing creativity, just take a craftsdwarf station job! You're really good at burning wood, but that doesn't have to be ALL you ever do. Just chill on the throwing cups around, please.

[Dunamisdeos]

Dear Wood Burner Nil uristlogem,

You have the craftsdwarfship labor enabled. If you're stressed out due to going too long without practicing creativity, just take a craftsdwarf station job! You're really good at burning wood, but that doesn't have to be ALL you ever do. Just chill on the throwing cups around, please.

Make some cups, then see if you want to throw them afterwards.

[TD1]

Sorry mum   

[PineMarten]

Dear Soldiers of Shotconvent,
I am quite frankly perplexed by your recent actions. Why was it that only a recruit and our poorly trained marksdwarf summoned enough courage to engage the towering humanoid of flame, while all 18 of you other much more skilled soldiers stood back and peered into the deadly flaming vapors it was spraying? Perhaps if you had acted at all reasonably we might have killed it and prevented the destruction of our entire fortress.  I hope you enjoy choking on the smoke of burning corpses.

Sincerely, your !!Mayor!!.

[Urist McUristUrist]

Dear haulers,
Please take the dismembered archered body parts to the graveyard already. It's been a season, everyone has had an existential crisis after retching in on miasma, and yet, his coffin, even though properly designated as his place of eternal rest, is still empty. I know this is terrifying so you need to cancel the job, but please consider how the fishermen have to walk through there EVERYDAY, yet, can clean the fish without running away in terror.
Sincerelly, your mayor.

[Fish Preferred]

Dear dwarves of what was once Sosasvutram:

Just, how? How did you manage to fill every space you've ever mined out with water while I was gone? How did you keep the water there until the moment I got back?

To the few of you who were aboveground during this time, good luck. All of your friends and families here are dead; drowned, if not flash frozen in glacial ice as a gruesome reminder of what results from a prank taken too far. One day, future settlers - perhaps wanting to convert it into an amusement park or a museum of Ancient Dwarven Society - might deem it worthwhile to drain and excavate the area, but not us. Goodby.

Sincerely, your erstwhile overseer.

Spoiler: Translation (click to show/hide)

I retired the fort to avoid the crash from a corrupted save and the ocean spread to every belowground tile that had been mined, no matter how distant or isolated, and since roughly a third of the fort was built into the permanent ice layers, I decided it wasn't worth salvaging.

[HMD Majesty]

Dear Ghostly Trader,

I did have you buried.  Your body rests in a wooden coffin, and has not been disturbed since it was placed there.  Why are you haunting the fortress, and why did you wait for about a year or more to start?

I notice that you are merely restless, and so far have simply hung about the place.  Thank you.

By my hand,

HMD

Dear Outpost Liaison Ducim Rockstoked,

I couldn't help but notice that despite having come here to hold a meeting with the Expedition Leader you were most recently spotted heading away from both entrances post-haste.  Given that a giant red squirrel had been spotted around where you were last sited, I can only presume you were running from the squirrel.  Now, while I do fully understand why the thought of going anywhere near a giant squirrel might intimidate you, not only was the squirrel in question running away from you but there was another serviceable entrance that was also away from the squirrel.

In future, please be aware that Boardtorrid has entrances in opposite corners of the map.  Thank you.

By my hand,

HMD

To Whom It May Concern,

I have received notice that someone went for a drink and was interrupted by one of the squirrels currently in the region.  Not only is there a aquifer-fed well in the fortress, but the squirrels are nowhere near the only clean source of drinking water on the surface.  While I did designate a murky pool as a water source, I have also designated the well pond as a water source and removed the designation from the murky pool.

Because of this, you are no longer allowed to choose where you drink from.

By my hand,

HMD

[Superdorf]

A note, found glued to a diorite block wall with what appears to be dried blood.

To those whom it may concern:

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not mad or anything. I'd just like to know... how.
How did you do this.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

You just built this wall section. There's no possible way any of you could get up there. How is it already covered in blood.

Explain this to me.

[callisto8413]

Dear Townsfolk,

It is JUST rain.  Think of it as near-beer and get on with life.  And stop hitting the pigs.  I don't like it when my bacon is abused.

Lovingly,

Overseer.

[HMD Majesty]

To Whom It May Concern,

It has come to my attention that not only are you leaving buckets by the side of ponds, but you are also complaining that the buckets are being lost or destroyed.  I assure you, they are still intact and findable.

More problematically, I have noticed that you are taking it upon yourselves to dump all wool, skin, and hair.  It has gotten so bad that I have started habitually going through the dump when the spinners and leather workers complain that they are unable to do their jobs.  Please stop doing this, or I will find the person responsible and make them sleep outside.  Thank you.

By my hand,

HMD

To Whom It May Concern,

It has been revealed to me that the 'job item' that you were complaining about was in fact the pond zone.  Would it really have been so hard to tell me that the pond wasn't suitable?

By my hand,

HMD

To Inod Kiramost,

Not only are there unowned bedrooms just waiting for someone to lay claim to them, but I seem to recall seeing your name listed as a room owner.  You should not ever need to sleep anywhere there might be dangerous terrain.

Why did I receive notice that you were unable to sleep because of the terrain?

By my hand,

HMD

[TubaDragoness]

To Whom It May Concern,

It has come to my attention that not only are you leaving buckets by the side of ponds, but you are also complaining that the buckets are being lost or destroyed.  I assure you, they are still intact and findable.

More problematically, I have noticed that you are taking it upon yourselves to dump all wool, skin, and hair.  It has gotten so bad that I have started habitually going through the dump when the spinners and leather workers complain that they are unable to do their jobs.  Please stop doing this, or I will find the person responsible and make them sleep outside.  Thank you.

By my hand,

HMD

To Overseer HMD,

'T'ain't our fault for followin' standing orders, now, is it?  Maybe we should review those and see if them ink smudges were a'purpose or not.

Yrs,
Dabbling Hauler

(Check your (o)rders > (r)efuse menu and be sure that wool and skin are set to "save".)

[andrian]

To all dwarves of Flagcloudy,

I understand that it's still early days and I have yet to designate proper accommodations for you, but this sudden refusal to work will not fix the problem. If you wish to strike, please provide me with a list of demands, so that we can come to some agreement. Our supplies will not last forever, so unless you wish to die of starvation or insanity, I suggest you make some move toward resolving our differences so that the fortress can prosper.

Sincerely,
Your exasperated and very puzzled overlord