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[Deus Machina]

I take it you can't even use them for silk farming?

So far, they refuse to shot web at anything restrained. They've only done it to active invaders, which I found out after pasturing them at the bottom of the moat and dumping some goblins in during a siege.

[TD1]

Are you chaining tame dogs? Try something wild.

Failing that, chain a gobbo 

[Deus Machina]

Are you chaining tame dogs? Try something wild.

Failing that, chain a gobbo 

Only stuff hostile to the tame GCS, or at least wild. Elk birds and trolls were a no-go.
They killed the trolls just fine one they got close, but no web.
I'll try goblins after the next siege, but so far they've had to have been uncaptured and during it.

[Deus Machina]

Dear civilians of Diamondcommon,
We have clothing. Stop pouncing on the steel armor pieces before the military can get to them.
You guys are wearing more of it than the people it's issued to.

On the other hand:
Dear military of Diamondcommon,

We still have a few unclaimed steel mail shirts and helms.
Some of you guys are lazy and doing without. Put them on, or you'll be replaced by someone that will, and we'll have one less mouth to feed.

Furthermor:
Dear stupid human hammerlord,
You captured an artifact iron maul from a goblin pit. You have been issued this particular maul.
Why in Armok's name was it sitting in the stockpile when the siege came?
Belay that, I finally realized you're missing a whole bunch of fingers.
Good job killing a whole squad of gobbos with that shield. You're getting a masterwork steel one as soon as it can be made.

[nezclaw]

Dear Urist McDumbassJeweler

Do I need to enroll you in a remedial maths course? There are 268 entire cut lapises in the stockpile. And yet, for some peculiar reason, you are insisting we are out of lapis for encrusting furniture. My good dorf, this site is lousy with lapis. There is not a shortage. Now get back to work before I figure out how to club you upside the head with a sandbag.

[Bumber]

Dear Urist McDumbassJeweler

Do I need to enroll you in a remedial maths course? There are 268 entire cut lapises in the stockpile. And yet, for some peculiar reason, you are insisting we are out of lapis for encrusting furniture. My good dorf, this site is lousy with lapis. There is not a shortage. Now get back to work before I figure out how to club you upside the head with a sandbag.

Are they in bins? Bins can be troublesome.

[nezclaw]

they were, and i think that's probably what it was, someone else having a job involving that bin at the same time. they got it straightened out eventually.

[doublestrafe]

Dear Urist McClothier,

Let me first extend my most heartfelt condolences in this trying time. I do understand; art desecration is a terrible thing, and it is my understanding that a number of your greatest works were recently destroyed. Take all the time you need until the emotional shock passes.

That said, it would be of some personal comfort to me if you gave some indication of grief or even acknowledgement, however small, for the half dozen dwarves who were wearing them when the collapsing scaffolding cast them screaming into the magma moat.

Regards,
The Overseer

[Hans Lemurson]

Dear Urist McClothier,

Let me first extend my most heartfelt condolences in this trying time. I do understand; art desecration is a terrible thing, and it is my understanding that a number of your greatest works were recently destroyed. Take all the time you need until the emotional shock passes.

That said, it would be of some personal comfort to me if you gave some indication of grief or even acknowledgement, however small, for the half dozen dwarves who were wearing them when the collapsing scaffolding cast them screaming into the magma moat.

Regards,
The Overseer

"Don't know 'em, didn't see the bodies, don't have to care.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to mourn the loss of fine socks and trousers whose fate I never saw."

[Indricotherium]

Dear Hammer Dwarf,

Yes, you are weak and slow to heal and are terrified. However, your compatriot in arms was just on the other side of the door to the caverns battling a troll all by themselves. One by one, you could hear their arms break, their left hip crushed, their eye gouged out. And yet they fought on, kicking with their last leg and managing, of all things, to bite the troll right in the face and twist its head around savagely. Their desperate shouts for help rang in your ears while you piddled your pants, knuckles white around your weapon and shield.

It was not until two other monster hunters showed up that the three of you attacked and made short work of the troll.

For Luc the Marksman however, it was too late. Shortly thereafter, Luc bled out as the three of you stood by.

I cannot decide yet whether to expel you for cowardice or keep you around to see if this event will change you for the better.

[Cydonian Monk]

Dear Urist McGuardWhoWouldBeKing,

I understand your confusion, really, I do. The fort you have been tasked to guard is, in fact, named SunThrone. Throne is part of its name. We do have aspirations of one day becoming a metropolis, challenging the MountainHome, and welcoming the King and his court to live here in our glorious new project.

This does not mean SunThrone is actually a Throne, or in anyway ready to support a monarch. We are a small force of 20 brave souls, and have yet to finish our first winter. The Polar Bears still growl outside our gates. We possess a well, a farm, and five or six sheep. We have brewed a few kegs of our own wine. This, however, is the extent of our wealth. SunThrone is not yet a home fit for a Baron, let alone a King.

And so, despite the conclusion of your recent "polite discussion with your local rivals", we must unfortunately deny your claim to the Kingship of The Metal of Infamy. You are not yet ready to lead your own militia squad, let alone an entire civilization.

Please return to your guard post, which has been moved underneath the atom smasher bridge.

Regards,
Your Expedition Leader.

[Bumber]

I cannot decide yet whether to expel you for cowardice or keep you around to see if this event will change you for the better.

Dear Expedition Leader,

In some forts I've visited, they solve cowardice by throwing the coward in a room with weak creatures and forcing them to fight. Sure, you can train discipline through combat drills, but real fights seem much more appropriate (and entertaining) in this case.

Just a suggestion,
Monster Hunter

[methylatedspirit]

Dear Dwarves of Craftright,

What's wrong with you? Why do you declare that there is no "non-economic stone", even when I designated an entire z-level for mining? I could see the microcline, the gabbro, both non-economic stones. Really, why? I even checked that I hadn't restricted them by accident. I had forbidden every single thing in Craftright, then reclaimed everything, thinking that this was related to the brewing incident, in which all of you declared that there was no food to brew alcohol out from.

You're all lucky I couldn't drown you all, since the river was frozen all year round and I don't know how to use pumps. I was rooting for all of you, because there was hematite that just so happened to be in the walls of your bedrooms. Sure, the caravans provided the fortress with 99% of its weapons and armor, but I was hoping that, combined with the marble in the second cavern layer, you'd all be able to make steel weapons, armor and bolts on your own, just in case the elven civilization decided to invade or something.

Regards,
Your (former) overseer.

[Indricotherium]

Dear Unknown Vampire,

Well played. That dormitory is like Grand Central Station and yet there were no witnesses to your foul deed!

Still, your overconfidence shall be your undoing. I have been saving that caged zombie elf for a reason you know...

Yours,
The Overseer of Raspedlances

[Eric Blank]

Dear overseer of Raspedlances,

You do know vampires and zombies are like best buddies, dont you?

Sincerely, A. Vampire