Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Thisfox]

Dear Elves--

We gladly traded a pile of musical bells for clothes, we've been too busy breaching aquifers to bother with the whole cloth-making thing. But all these clothes are made from forgotten-beast silk. It has us worried. Is there something you're not telling us about your home?

--The Dwarves.

[Bignate3002]

Dear Urist Mcrangerson Jr.,
DONT DRAG EMU CORPSES THROUGH THE BLOODY GOBLINS YA DAFT FOOL
Love, Nathanial Mcleadsdwarves the 5th

[Thisfox]

Dear Urist McWereBoar,
Thankyou for making all those coffins and slabs. We're going to need them. You, on the other hand, are not likely to die. Ever. So we just elected you Mayor. Enjoy. Please wall yourself into that room you're in, while we're busy assembling your 50 flatpack coffins and carving your 50 slabs, and walling in your son, whom you have just now successfully infected with your disease. Have a nice unlife. Thanks to you and your son, I guess this fort will never die.
--The remaining two uninfected dorfs in the fort.

P.S. Wereboar piglets are no doubt adorable.

[Dunamisdeos]

Dear Urists. Dear, dear Urists.

Terrible tidings are here. The experiments involving goblin captives has failed. They won't behave in such a way as to let themselves be infected by our RESEARCH MATERIEL and survive. How inconsiderate!

Luckily, my dear Urists, you excel in this kind of considerate, helpful behavior. You are very likely to be infected and then scamper away in terror. Not like those nasty, rude goblins. They allowed themselves to be eaten instead.

I hope you look forward to your contribution to KNOWLEDGE as much as I. Also, demanding pewter objects in your dear little cells is unacceptable. You shall have none.

Thank you
~Your dearest, favorite Overseer

[LordKnows]

Dear Urists of Shakenirons

The ballots are in, and you elected a goblin dancer as the new mayor. A Goblin. Dancer.

Our old mayor was one of the original seven who forged this fortress on the edge of the haunted wastes and in high standing, he ran this fortress for years, he has an adorned golden statue atop the great tower like other leaders of the fortress, and now you elect this newcomer goblin weirdo. I am NOT building a golden statue of a goblin dancer no matter what. Sure, he came from a troupe who have wandered the world for over 800 years before being accepted into our midst and so he has a way with words and stuff, but still, proper dorfs should never let themselves be swayed by such petty things, especially from a goblin.

[draeath]

Dear Urists of Shakenirons

The ballots are in, and you elected a goblin dancer as the new mayor. A Goblin. Dancer.

Our old mayor was one of the original seven who forged this fortress on the edge of the haunted wastes and in high standing, he ran this fortress for years, he has an adorned golden statue atop the great tower like other leaders of the fortress, and now you elect this newcomer goblin weirdo. I am NOT building a golden statue of a goblin dancer no matter what. Sure, he came from a troupe who have wandered the world for over 800 years before being accepted into our midst and so he has a way with words and stuff, but still, proper dorfs should never let themselves be swayed by such petty things, especially from a goblin.

Sounds like that bard rolled a natural 20. It also sounds like your fortress is about due for an unfortunate workplace accident.

[scourge728]

Dear Urist McHowdoyouevenmakethismistake
Why are you suspending the placement of beds for being "unable to reach site" when the actual problem is an item in the spot where the bed needs to be built?

Dear Urist McFlyfear
I know giant flies are creepy, but it is very far above you and not even at your destination, so WHY did you SUSPEND THE BUILDING OF THE WALL!?

[StarWars1981]

His pathing was interrupted.

Dear Urists McConfuseds,

Why, oh why, just oh freaking why, are the only people I know (in my adventurer) you dwarves? Living in ELVEN treehouses? Not only do I not fly, YOU don't either. How do you do anything from up there? And why, just why, are you there in the first place? There's more Human and Dwarven treehouse locations than I can keep track of on the global map, and yet you're in the ELVEN forest retreats! And then, when I ask you, a random Elf whose only claim to fame is the murders of two ambushing DWARVES, do you follow me immediately?
Oh, you Dwarves are fools.

Your new Adventuring Overlord,

The Maniacal Elf with a Spear, Shield, and Four Insane Companion Dwarves

[Moonstone_Flower]

Dear Whoever-Drove-The-Wagon,

Trees are not VTOLports.  Wagons are not VTOL craft.  Please do not land the wagon on top of a tree in the future - especially when you are possibly the last dwarfs in the world and all of our supplies are in the not-a-VTOL wagon.  Should you decide to do so, do not abandon the wagon before landing, stranding the wagon and all of our supplies on top of said tree!

  ~ A confounded overseer with more aviation training than any of you morons


P.S.  How do you mistake a wagon for a VTOL craft?!

P.P.S.  To the five of you that immediately abandoned the hill where you landed and climbed the not-a-VTOLport tree:  Are you elves in disguise?  Allow me to remind you that we are next to a volcano.

P.P.P.S.  If I discover turbofans mounted on the wagon, I swear to the stars above that I'm going to [FURTHER TEXT REDACTED]

[Thisfox]

Dear Whoever-Drove-The-Wagon,

Trees are not VTOLports.  Wagons are not VTOL craft.  Please do not land the wagon on top of a tree in the future - especially when you are possibly the last dwarfs in the world and all of our supplies are in the not-a-VTOL wagon.  Should you decide to do so, do not abandon the wagon before landing, stranding the wagon and all of our supplies on top of said tree!

  ~ A confounded overseer with more aviation training than any of you morons


P.S.  How do you mistake a wagon for a VTOL craft?!

P.P.S.  To the five of you that immediately abandoned the hill where you landed and climbed the not-a-VTOLport tree:  Are you elves in disguise?  Allow me to remind you that we are next to a volcano.

P.P.P.S.  If I discover turbofans mounted on the wagon, I swear to the stars above that I'm going to [FURTHER TEXT REDACTED]

"So, cut down the tree!"
"With what?"
"With the axes we brought with us!"
"The axes which are currently packed in the wagon, up a tree?"
"...yes. Yes. Those axes..." {facedesk}

[Bumber]

Dear Whoever-Drove-The-Wagon,

Trees are not VTOLports.  Wagons are not VTOL craft.  Please do not land the wagon on top of a tree in the future - especially when you are possibly the last dwarfs in the world and all of our supplies are in the not-a-VTOL wagon.  Should you decide to do so, do not abandon the wagon before landing, stranding the wagon and all of our supplies on top of said tree!

  ~ A confounded overseer with more aviation training than any of you morons


P.S.  How do you mistake a wagon for a VTOL craft?!

P.P.S.  To the five of you that immediately abandoned the hill where you landed and climbed the not-a-VTOLport tree:  Are you elves in disguise?  Allow me to remind you that we are next to a volcano.

P.P.P.S.  If I discover turbofans mounted on the wagon, I swear to the stars above that I'm going to [FURTHER TEXT REDACTED]

"So, cut down the tree!"
"With what?"
"With the axes we brought with us!"
"The axes which are currently packed in the wagon, up a tree?"
"...yes. Yes. Those axes..." {facedesk}

"Suppose we build another rabbit a clay staircase..."

[wierd]

Yes, but (kicker) clay harvest job needs a raw material to make the kiln with!

Can't issue "harvest clay" without a kiln!

[Nyxalinth]

Dear dorfs of Whippedgood,

I miss you guys. I know I haven't visited you in ages, but I just started a new job. I promise I'll check in to see what stupidity you've gotten yourselves into now really soon.

Signed,

Your overseer

[imperium3]

Dear Urist McBaby,

Please stop vomiting all over my nice new constructions.

Regards,

Overseer.

[Error 404]

Dear Urist McBrainlessMiner

next time I tell you to mine undiscovered stone don't mine the one that links to the magma lake

or at least don't vaporize the 5 miners with you

regards,
error 404