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[Grakelin]

What's wrong?

The reason I want to kill myself is a steadily decreasing sense of faith in a number of forum-goers here.

[sonerohi]

If that is the cause then you might as well go ahead rather than live a life of debilitating sadness caused by reasons as petty as not having a pen on hand to write something.

For cereals don't kill yourself, but stop being a pansy ass over weak reasons.

[Pathos]

The reason I want to kill myself is a steadily decreasing sense of faith in a number of forum-goers here.

Let us all remember Grakelin as the man he once was, rather than the shell that died on the 5th of May from satire abuse.

[piecewise]

The reason I want to kill myself is a steadily decreasing sense of faith in a number of forum-goers here.

Let us all remember Grakelin as the man he once was, rather than the shell that died on the 5th of May from satire abuse.

Satire abuse is a growing problem. Sure, at first you may feel smart, but pretty soon you'll just be arrogant and pretentious. Before you know it you'll be posting on forums, confusing well meaning but dense readers just to feel witty again.

[Vester]

You're sixteen?

Well, I'm just gonna have to stop judging forumites based on their posts. I thought you were like mid-twenties, or something.

Am I taking this thread too seriously?

[Grakelin]

Yes.

[Cthulhu]

Do you still have faith in me?

[piecewise]

I'm pretty sure he's actually a 20-30 something university student or graduate, thats if he wasn't lying in those other treads. 

Yes.

[ChairmanPoo]

I think OP was parodying the usual Life Advice threads

[Diablous]

I think OP was parodying the usual Life Advice threads

I think we have figured that out.

[Vester]

Yes.

DAMMIT.

[Soadreqm]

Bullet to brain stem is sure.

Yeah, but then you'll need a gun for suicide. Sometimes you're drunk and alone in your home and just want to kill yourself RIGHT NOW without having to sober up and think about the situation first.

I would suggest cutting your jugular. It's reasonably easy to find, and if you cut deep enough on the first try, the drop in blood pressure will knock you out pretty much instantly and cause permanent brain damage in minutes, rendering you impossible to resuscitate.

Ideally, you would cut your throat open with a chainsaw. If you set it up right, you can actually decapitate yourself! Tie the saw on something that isn't going to fall over, tape the handle down, and rest your neck on the chain.You will want to take note of which way it's running; it could end up pushing your lifeless body to the floor instead of shredding through the spine as intended.

Okay, maybe a gun WOULD be easier.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

Bullet to brain stem is sure.

Yeah, but then you'll need a gun for suicide. Sometimes you're drunk and alone in your home and just want to kill yourself RIGHT NOW without having to sober up and think about the situation first.

I would suggest cutting your jugular. It's reasonably easy to find, and if you cut deep enough on the first try, the drop in blood pressure will knock you out pretty much instantly and cause permanent brain damage in minutes, rendering you impossible to resuscitate.

Ideally, you would cut your throat open with a chainsaw. If you set it up right, you can actually decapitate yourself! Tie the saw on something that isn't going to fall over, tape the handle down, and rest your neck on the chain.You will want to take note of which way it's running; it could end up pushing your lifeless body to the floor instead of shredding through the spine as intended.

Okay, maybe a gun WOULD be easier.

Why not do both? I'm imagining a Rube Goldberg device consisting of a chainsaw duct-taped to a table, and below it is a pressure plate so if you fall off the table a gun bungie-corded to the table leg will go off. That assumes everything went as planned with the cat and milk saucer, the trenchcoat full of ducks, and the stoner on the smelly couch.

[Choose username]

Why not do both? I'm imagining a Rube Goldberg device consisting of a chainsaw duct-taped to a table, and below it is a pressure plate so if you fall off the table a gun bungie-corded to the table leg will go off. That assumes everything went as planned with the cat and milk saucer, the trenchcoat full of ducks, and the stoner on the smelly couch.

I think we're onto something.