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In the lands before time remembered, That themselves were just a memory, There lived a race of great programmers.
These programmers, Who were great and wise in their actions, Were watched over by the all-powerful (and completely awesome) Raptor Jesus. Raptor Jesus, (Who preferred to go by the name RJ, But most of his really stupid pals called him J-man (And that is stupid. He is a raptor, not a man.)), Was a good and fair leader, so he was well set to lead the Programmers goodly and fairly. The lands were great and awesome, With Carmack v Sweeney fights EVERY DAY. With much sadness on the part of RJ, however, RJ also happened to be a raptor, And had a tendency to eat people.
So anyway, A couple of the programmers weren't happy with how RJ ran the place, Mostly 'cause he eat their hands and that forced them to type with their nose. So these guys were really ticked off, 'aight?, I mean, Like REALLY ticked off. Rik from the Young Ones ticked. Eventually they got so pissed that they built a giant and strangely literal Cloak of Code Killing. With the Clock in place, All of the mighty programmers talent began to stagnate, Filling their hard drives with the source code for millions of half-baked ideas.
Eventually, They Ran out of room on their hard drives, so they had to store the code in the raw nothingness of the universe.
Just so you know, Storing data on the raw nothingness of the universe is a really bad idea. Needless to say, The universe imploded.
Raptor Jesus, Stricken with grief over the loss of a "freakin' sweet" universe, Summoned together the five lords of raptorism. After a quick travel montage (set to "Greg the stop sign"), The five lords (Raptor Jesus, Raptor Buddha, Raptor Ra, Raptor Ganesha, and Raptor Rob Halford) got together and started arguing about the color scheme in their hideout. Eventually, RJ explained that they had to do something about the "freakin' sweet" universe that they lost.
This greatly angered raptor Buddha.
Suddenly, Indiana Jones Burst out of RJ's chest like an Alien, Then proceeded to fight Darth Vader on top of the sphinx. Raptor Buddha, Quite pissed with RJ for dieing, Called upon the Microsoft Gremlins (those evil little bastards who inform you of updates. EVEN WHEN YOU ARE OFFLINE!) to take RJ's corpse as an offering to their dark master.
The gremlins jumped from WiFi point to WiFi point, Spreading chaos as they went. They also stopped for bagels a few times, but mostly just chaos.
Upon the their arrival, The gremlins were greeted by their dark master, Bill. Pleased with his offering, He ordered RJ's body sent to rot in the Xbox Spawning vats. The vile machines, Knowing only hate and rage, Tore RJ's body to pieces. Bill also sent Raptor Buddha a gift basket. It had a watermelon in it, as well as a can of vanilla coke, And that was really cool of him. I mean, I've never even SEEN a can of vanilla coke, only bottles.
Anyway, Raptor Jesus was dead, and Darth Vader had defeated Indiana Jones, Then proceeded to drag race the PainKiller. Unfortunately (or fortunately), Darth Vader Crashed the Death Star into a giant Ipod.
Bill, Seeing the crash from orbit (in his fortress of doom (on the moon(that was also a space station!(inside the moon!(where care bears feared to tread))))) decided that the time had come to strike.
Racing to his inner sanctum (that burger joint (that was on earth (in the moon (on the space station!)))), Bill wasted no time in hitting the big red button. The Button, Now with a black eye thanks to Bill, got up, kicked Bill in the face. Despite Bill's plea for him to stay, the Button ran off (he later had an adventure with Zombie Indiana Jones).
After Quickly Finding a replacement button, A blue one named Greg, Bill carefully pushed down upon the button. (and, by the way, Greg is now suing him for sexual harassment)
This triggered the self destruct mechanism in all of the Zunes' throughout the world, Causing them to erupt with unimaginable force. Two people were injured.
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Topic: Do you have any really weird dreams? (Read 2283 times)