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[Randall Octagonapus]

Oh yay another twilight bashing thread. Because the internet doesn't have enough of these already!

there can never be enough twilight bashing threads

[Jreengus]

I think I can put a number on how many is too many, it's an integer and larger than 0 but smaller than 2.

[Vahan]

I think I can put a number on how many is too many, it's an integer and larger than 0 but smaller than 2.

Twilight sympathiser! Burn him at the stake!

[Cthulhu]

Hmm, rabid fans, wildly popular, sometimes questionable grammar

TWILIGHT BASHING IS THE NEXT TWILIGHT FFFFFFFFUUUUUU

[Jreengus]

I think I can put a number on how many is too many, it's an integer and larger than 0 but smaller than 2.

Twilight sympathiser! Burn him at the stake!

I actually I think the books are crap. I also think rabidly bashing them is even worse. Ok you don't like the books, now just shut up and live your life.

[Neonivek]

I don't bash I poke holes.

I already mentioned Deer eating vegetarians right?

[Aqizzar]

Hey guys, guess what I'm doing this weekend?

This semester, I wanted to polish off my English-credits requirement, with the last open literature class.  Late 19th century Gothic.  The first book was Bram Stoker's Dracula.  And now we come to the final paper.  I have an option between analyzing some other Gothic text of my choosing (lame), or... making up my own narrative.  I don't actually have to write a book or anything, just a five page blurb and discussion about my concept.

Spoiler: The Next Great American Novel (click to show/hide)

Picture, if you will, a quiet American suburb.  Progressive in it's way, for a general tolerance of vampires.  Excuse me, the "vampirically effected", who despite the protestations of radio pundits, are fully entitled to the protections of the 14th Amendment and the Hate Crimes Act.  (In this case, vampires are more like Bram Stoker's original depiction, weakened but not harmed by sunlight.  As well as being a full rip of the TVTropes description of Twilight's vampirism - a combination of medical condition and lifestyle choice that grants superpowers, immortality, and great sex, but for some reason makes one a persecuted minority.)  Everytown USA gets by with it's simple little lives, little disputes, little conflicts, between the vampirically effected, those who love them, those who hate them, and poseurs who want to be them but don't have the guts to take the plunge.

Then one day, a man comes to town.  No one knows him, no one sees him.  But he's here to set things right - an ancient, contemptuous, coldblooded monster in the vein of Dracula or the Nosferatu, who's here to show these losers how vampires are supposed to roll, and have his fill of human cattle by hiding behind the tolerance for his weakling (and sparkly) kin.  Cue witchhunts, persecution, broken romances, and soul searching once the town sees how they tore themselves apart over one bad apple in a fair (but sparkly) bunch.  Lots of allusions to racism, extremism, "national security" type implications, the nature of poseurs, and the eternal question of "when does tolerance become dangerous?".

I don't actually have an ending or many specifics figured out, but I thought you guys might enjoy it.  Thoughts?

[Luke_Prowler]

Twilight fans scare the living **** out of me. I've heard stories of people being attacked because they made fun of the book.

I don't care who you are, Twilight fans take rabid fan to a new level.

[Nadaka]

Hmm, rabid fans, wildly popular, sometimes questionable grammar

TWILIGHT BASHING IS THE NEXT TWILIGHT FFFFFFFFUUUUUU

I have a little goth girlfriend. I was required to take her to these movies. I almost couldn't stop laughing through the first one. Had many an elbow in my rib that night.

The best part of this comedy was when whats her name followed eddie into the woods and he goes into his tirade about what a monster he is, and then he shows her exactly what a horrific monster he is. By prancing in the sunlight and sparkling.

The second movie was to much of an emo suicidal cry fest to even be funny. The only bonus was that the werewolves were less emotionally unstable than the vampires and bella.

But yes, eddie was a total ass and bella was a total retard for liking him at all, much less putting up with his BS. I never read the books and never will. I see no point in it.

[DJ]

Love the idea, Aqizzar. End it with vampires being sent to labour camps. Maybe a completely innocent vampire protagonist getting shanked in the camp.

[Jreengus]

Aqizzar, you now must write that story!

[Itnetlolor]

My thought on the Twilight Vampires vs. the standard vampire and etc.

They're actually elves.

[Neruz]

Elves sparkle in sunlight?


Does that mean we could nail some elves to the walls, dig some skylights above them and light up our caverns with screaming sparkly chandeliers?

[ibot66]

My thought on the Twilight Vampires vs. the standard vampire and etc.

They're actually elves.

a rare subvareity that sparkles.

[Il Palazzo]

I don't actually have an ending or many specifics figured out, but I thought you guys might enjoy it.  Thoughts?

The badass vampire actually kidnaps glittering vampires every now and then, and bullies them mentally and physically, until they admit what losers they are, and promise to lead a better unlife as reformed creatures of darkness, enjoying bloodbaths and human steaks, who doesn't finish a night without at least one goth girl on their plate(after sexually assaulting such a dinner in a way that a hundred years-old-jaded paedophile would). Oh, and they have to promise to stop glittering and instead avoid sunlight.
Your book could follow one of such kidnapees, with events of his(or her) unwilling encounter portrayed as a journey towards happier future. You should actually make her a heroine, with the amazing new ways to experience her vampirism being a tribute to those Emmanuelle movies of yore.
But then, it probably would get banned everywhere but in Japan.