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Author Topic: Twilight "Vampires"  (Read 30671 times)

Jackrabbit

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #15 on: November 27, 2009, 08:56:52 am »

The hot, pillow biting, she-passed-out-halfway-are-we-sure-it's-still-sex-there's-a-limit-before-it-becomes-suspicious-you-know, sex!
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Neonivek

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #16 on: November 27, 2009, 09:04:53 am »

My favorite Twilight Parody is definately "Twilight: The Broodening"

It focuses entirely on the "Vampire" and "Plot hole" side of the movie.

Honestly check it out, it is on youtube.

Trust me, it isn't JUST vampires that they know nothing about.
« Last Edit: November 27, 2009, 09:10:30 am by Neonivek »
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LegoLord

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #17 on: November 27, 2009, 09:25:17 am »

I mentally put in in the same place as Harry Potter, which after reading (rather, having read to me) the first book, I was able to detail the rest of the series, including how it ended.  At least Harry Potter was well written (for a childrens book).  From what I hear, twilight lacks even that much of a good point.
Were you right about your guess about it's ending, though?  That's important to that criticism (Harry kills voldemort isn't quite good enough).

Surprisingly I only know a few girls at my school that are raving fanatics about it.  Of those few, most are absolute and irrational nutjobs (one, when pressed, cannot explain why she hates me).  Most others agree that it's just trash disguised as fantasy.  So I don't even have to read it to know it's not something I'd like.
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"Oh look there is a dragon my clothes might burn let me take them off and only wear steel plate."
And this is how tinned food was invented.
Alternately: The Brick Testament. It's a really fun look at what the bible would look like if interpreted literally. With Legos.
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Jude

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #18 on: November 27, 2009, 09:35:53 am »

ITT: We talk about how REAL vampires are being overrun by these crappy MADE-UP, IMAGINARY vampires

....and keep straight faces the whole time
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #19 on: November 27, 2009, 09:53:00 am »

I'm just waiting for the authors to combine, and the twilight universe and the Harry Potter universe will merge into one completely off-the-wall magical shiny vampire wizard world where anything goes, but it's usually spousal abuse.
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Rooster

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #20 on: November 27, 2009, 10:18:46 am »

The universe where fangirls have sex with Daniel Radcliff and Robert Pattison?
I thought we already have that
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Neonivek

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #21 on: November 27, 2009, 10:23:38 am »

My problem isn't so much the changes they make to vampires (except the Glitter skin that functions via lack of knowledge of biology) it is the obnoxious way they go around it.

Though Vampires are likely secondary to Bella Swan.

Bella: "Ohh Edward, I love how emotionally abusive you are and that at any minute you could go crazy and rip me to shreds."
Edward: "No Bella you can't! Did I mention that I have been stalking you for month and that I am at least a hundred years old?"
Bella: "Even better! The only way I could love you more is if your fair pale handsom face was somehow covered in glitter"
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Cthulhu

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #22 on: November 27, 2009, 10:38:17 am »

Even Bram Stoker's book had a lot of sexual imagery, and the whole neckbiting thing represents sex, so it's not like this is a new thing even with Anne Rice.  And yeah, the hurt by sunlight thing was put in the Nosferatu movie (As seen in Spongebob).  I still think 30 Days of Night had the best vampires.
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Shoes...

Leafsnail

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #23 on: November 27, 2009, 10:47:03 am »

I thought they were fairies since they live in the woods, sparkle in the daylight and don't drink blood.
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #24 on: November 27, 2009, 10:49:40 am »

And play baseball. Don't forget baseball.
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Neonivek

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #25 on: November 27, 2009, 10:51:11 am »

Don't forget that in Twilight Vegetarians eat deer!
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JoshuaFH

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #26 on: November 27, 2009, 11:30:24 am »

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Vahan

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #27 on: November 27, 2009, 01:12:58 pm »

Even Bram Stoker's book had a lot of sexual imagery, and the whole neckbiting thing represents sex, so it's not like this is a new thing even with Anne Rice.  And yeah, the hurt by sunlight thing was put in the Nosferatu movie (As seen in Spongebob).  I still think 30 Days of Night had the best vampires.

The lure of vampires IS the sexual imagery. But, those books didn't try and sell themselves to teenaged girls, and they didn't try and make abusive relationships seem fine.
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Jreengus

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #28 on: November 27, 2009, 01:26:11 pm »

Oh yay another twilight bashing thread. Because the internet doesn't have enough of these already!
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Zironic

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Re: Twilight "Vampires"
« Reply #29 on: November 27, 2009, 01:47:18 pm »

Dracula didn't die in sunlight, that myth was started by nosferatu. Dracula couldn't change forms in sunlight. So occasionally he'd get stuck in one form. For example at one point, As they were searching Drake's house ( in England), they felt this eerie presence and noticed the large amount of dust everywhere and that the just delivered during the night box of dirt that drake was in was empty. It was hinted the dust was dracula, hiding from them because he knew they would try to kill him during the day when his powers are weakened. (BTW: And by kill, they would stake the body to the ground, cut off the head and sow it on backwards.) However, the idea that the vampires are nice romantic creatures is retarded beyond any concept of a vampire. Dracula was a hungarian war lord who through satanic and pagan means made it so he would live forever by consuming the blood of others. When low on blood, He is an old weak man, but when full he can scale walls, transform at night, looks younger, hypnotizes by glance alone.

TL:DR; why does a mormon not get excommunicated when she writes a romance about satanic creatures. That's like having Bin Laden open a strip club in Las Vegas. Bullshit upon Bullshit.
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