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[Iduno]

I'm so done with university. Scheduling conflicts, bugged online slot reservations, module convenors who think their 10 credit module needs a project the size of a thesis, module convenors who think the history of JavaScript is the reason I'm taking an advanced course in compilers...

I want to get out so badly right now.

The most important things you learn in school are: 1) the other people "helping" with your project contribute a negative amount; you'll be doing several people's jobs while receiving, at best, only your share of the credit and 2) the people in charge are usually apathetic or have no idea what they're doing, and both is more common than neither.

That is to say: University is doing a better job at preparing you for the world than you think.


My own sad is that my terrible body is failing me, and going through all of the hoops to get to see a doctor is unpleasant and expensive. The x-rays didn't show any arthritis, but you only use x-rays for broken bones or increasing the bill, and the blood test from 2 weeks ago hasn't come back yet. In 2 more weeks, I can see a specialist who will be able to order tests that are actually useful. I am not sure how far I'll get this time before insurance starts refusing treatment again. Last time was because it was a work-related injury (which the employer also refused to pay for), and before that was because the company had changed their policy 2 days earlier, and the appointment I had to wait for 2 months on was no longer eligible (and I was too sick to be at work  to get notice that it was changing).

[itisnotlogical]

KnowledgeHub used to be an interesting channel with thought-provoking, educational topics. Now it just seems to be ice-cold takes on gaming straight from the front page of Reddit. Call of Duty has lots of installments with minimal change, you say? No goddamn way, I would never have guessed that from years and years and years of popular backlash against the COD franchise. Sonic isn't as good as it once was, you say? What a hot take, here's your medal. /s

Might as well stop making actual content and just start reading "TOP 10 SCARY REDDIT STORIES!!!! BEST OF R/NOSLEEP!!!!!!"

[Arx]

I'm so done with university. Scheduling conflicts, bugged online slot reservations, module convenors who think their 10 credit module needs a project the size of a thesis, module convenors who think the history of JavaScript is the reason I'm taking an advanced course in compilers...

I want to get out so badly right now.

The most important things you learn in school are: 1) the other people "helping" with your project contribute a negative amount; you'll be doing several people's jobs while receiving, at best, only your share of the credit and 2) the people in charge are usually apathetic or have no idea what they're doing, and both is more common than neither.

That is to say: University is doing a better job at preparing you for the world than you think.

I've worked in "the real world" before, thanks. It's vastly superior to university on a great many levels, and I am (at the risk of sounding arrogant) sufficiently employable in my country that I would quit a workplace that had anywhere near as consistent a pattern of failure at routine tasks as this.

As a rule, if you can only defend a system by saying "well that's how it is in the world", then the system is broken because the system should work to improve the real world, not prepare people to be repeatedly screwed over. I know that's an idealistic comment, but I stand by it.

[Iduno]

As a rule, if you can only defend a system by saying "well that's how it is in the world", then the system is broken because the system should work to improve the real world, not prepare people to be repeatedly screwed over. I know that's an idealistic comment, but I stand by it.

I would generally agree with that, but I was exaggerating for what could generously be called humorous effect.

[JoshuaFH]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Please don't think me a hypocrite. Every time I think I'm ok, I'm suddenly not. I just can't get any relief from the incessant background pressure that my life is worthless. The phrase "I deserve to die" has been repeated, ad nauseum, in my head ever since (possibly) middle school, for what amounts to perhaps millions of repetitions of the phrase. I've been trying to cut it out, stop the negative self-talk in that regard, and I'll be good if I only get to "I d-" before remembering to stop myself, but I've been really bad lately, and been forgetting to stop myself.

I hate to be so petty that it seems to be entirely inconsequential matters that effect my mood so much, and it's my mood that determines how often and how badly I treat myself. I have about the psychological fortitude of a wisp of smoke in a hurricane for all it matters though.

I have work coming up in a bit. I just wish that life didn't seem entirely composed of chores just to allay death; though in retrospect that seemed to be the throughline of my education growing up: just worry about death. There was no education on life, why it's good, if there is anything worth living for, that part was omitted. Perhaps for lack of material.

There's no point replying to this. I'll forget about it in a day or so, when my petty feelings ease up on me a little bit, just enough to make me feel ok, but then I'll suddenly be not ok again.

[Dunamisdeos]

You seem super not petty to me.

You have lots to offer around here.

[ChairmanPoo]

So... I started my new job in the Canary Islands, and I was already being simultaneously pestered by two of my former employers back in Ireland (including the one with whom I parted ways in a less than friendly manner), and just yesterday one in ANOTHER hospital in the Canary islands who doesn't even know me.
Basically the spin doesn't change a lot: "If things go wrong for any reason, or you change your mind for any reason, consider us".

Let's see here. Its not the implication that things might go wrong, which they can, for no reason or any reason and I'm well aware. I'm uneasy about my new position, I dont know how long I'll stay, I don't know where I actually want to be, including country. I'm kind of undergoing a mid-intensity existential crisis tbh. If I decide to leave at any point I'll see what I do. I certainly feel little thrill at being pulled around for other people's troubles with no guarantees, I don't particularily believe any promises and I plan to decide stuff on my feet because circumstances change way too quickly. I'm already stressed and tbh this adds to my stress levels (because like I said, I dont actually know where I want to be)
 

[hector13]

Don’t get carried away man, just remember why you got into the biz in the first place.

Hint: it’s ‘cause you’re a vampire and you don’t want to hurt people and this is the easiest way for people to literally just let you take it.

Or the chicks, or something.

[JoshuaFH]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

so today i was SURE id be ok.

in an instant:most not ok ive been in a while. just got done raging and destroying my keyboard , hello onscreen keyboard my old friend .

of course it was just from a mistake in mahjong , though i know thats not the real reason. just any set back at all makes all the misery in my life instantly invade the forefront of my mind.

i had an ominous feeling waking up this morning , i took my sister to school, turned into a grocery store parking lot. i cried in my car a little. i took a big long walk for a couple hours. i thought i was ok, but then suddenly im not. as always.

perhaps ill simply be relegated to this torture forever.

[bloop_bleep]

Have you talked to a therapist?

What’s weighing on your mind?

[JoshuaFH]

i just dont want to say it

[scourge728]

I'm getting really tired of everytime I think something good might happen in my life, instead things just go wrong

[Iduno]

I'm getting really tired of everytime I think something good might happen in my life, instead things just go wrong

It helps if you don't like yourself very much. I've gotten to the point where, when something bad happens to me, I can laugh because that asshole had it coming.

[Dunamisdeos]

i just dont want to say it

There are so many people here with such a wide range of personal issues that you can say it if you think it'll help. Ain't gonna get no judgment here.

If you want to and are worried about being judged, that is. If it's too deeply personal feel free to keep it to yourself and we will still support you.

[Doomblade187]

You can also PM people if you don't want to put it in the public sphere so to speak.