Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Orange Wizard]

@Caroline

Caroline's parents aren't exactly model citizens, asserting independence from them has a decent chance of resulting in beatings

[TheBiggerFish]

@

's parents aren't exactly model citizens, asserting independence from them has a decent chance of resulting in beatings

Well.

Then.

Uh.

I can only offer hugs and hope then.

But I will offer them nonetheless.

[chaotic skies]

All I've ever gotten from asserting independence is lies, mockery, and anger, so I stopped having an opinion. It's so much easier to just agree with people and not have to deal with their petty bullshit I couldn't care less about.

@Caroline: All the hugs, and best of luck. If I can scrape by, I have total confidence in your ability to get through this. Just, don't give up hope. Ever. Hope is the only thing you can't give up on, because without it, you end up like me. Don't be a me. Be the best you you can be!

Also, I think you're amazing. You're living in a relatively worse situation than me (no offense), and doing much better. There are honestly no words for how amazing that makes me think you are

[TheBiggerFish]

@chaotic:I'm going to shamelessly quote that last paragraph because I definitely agree with most every word in that.  I would have cracked long ago under that sort of stress, myself, and even just now, @Caroline, you are an extremely brave person and honestly you deserve much better than you're getting.

Also, I think you're amazing. You're living in a relatively worse situation than me (no offense), and doing much better [than I would]. There are honestly no words for how amazing that makes me think you are

[Frumple]

Just... given what you've shared previously, C, you're really not within the confines of a semi-normal family. Your parents have been, at the last, outright abusive -- if you were living in a better area, they would have almost certainly been in jail a long time ago -- and there's nothing even remotely normal about that. They are, in fact, terrible people, and you've not been in an even remotely normal situation.

That doesn't mean they don't have their good moments or whathaveyou, no, but the net is... almost certainly negative. Understand where you're coming from, though. For the longest time, I tended to describe my father as "a good person, when he's sober". It took a while and a good deal of (badly needed) separation before it really internalized that he was still an abusive fucking alcoholic, the good points didn't even remotely make up for the bad, and that no amount of rationalization would change the fact that he was not someone I (or anyone else, really) needed to be around. The latter in particular was always something that proximity really seemed to encourage -- there's definitely a degree of urge to look positively on people you're forced to be around regularly, even if that urge is frankly self-destructive (in the sense that it reduces the motivation to get the hell away).

... also, your earlier post, the energy and whatnot. Pretty much textbook clinical depression

Not sure you can really do anything about it in your situation, though, besides soldier through until you can get away from your incredibly toxic living situation, start making a decent one for yourself, and hopefully either see it pass by naturally as the environmental stressors change in nature/go away or at least be able to safely seek proper aid for it.

... in any case, best of luck and all that. Know it only helps so much when you've basically just got that urge to pass out and sleep half the time, but hopefully the well wishes'll help at least some.

[BlackHeartKabal]

Now I understand Cinder's thought process.
While I can certainly empathize with Caroline's situation, I really don't think I can say anything that'll really help. But I'm part of Bay12, and if you need Bay12, we're here for you. And if you don't, we'll respect that.

[chaotic skies]

I wish I could sleep. At this point, I'd probably pay someone to knock me out, because it'd be quicker. I can't stop thinking. I keep...going over plans. Where I'm going when I leave. How to run away. The side effects of my plans. Sometimes, even things that will remain dreams unless I become a fucking miracle worker. Like being able to actually remain dedicated to...anything. That'd be a dream come true.

Anyway, I'm going to go back to being a lazy fuck with no energy even though I do fuck all the entire day. Should probably do that homework do tomorrow. Or I could waste more time, just to try to turn off my brain.

[Spehss _]

Stayed up too late and I'm tired as shit and why do i do this shit to myself every single night.

[Xantalos]

Stayed up too late and I'm tired as shit and why do i do this shit to myself every single night.

It's a habit, been one for a while from what I know. Difficult to break.

Unfortunately there's no real way to make that happen other than just trying to sleep at a reasonable time every night for a long period of time. After a long while you'll readjust.

[Yoink]

Looks like I'm not going to do anything tonight.
I really kinda wanted to go to a party, since I haven't seen those friends in a long time, but then I wound up stressing for ages about this crap another circle of friends wanted me to do and now it's too late to really get to the party or the other thing... well, I could still go, but I would have missed the bands that are playing and I feel too shitty to be bothered going to all that effort now anyway. Especially given how awkward it would be showing up so late when I haven't seen these people in ages. Or at least, how awkward I imagine it would be, and that's pretty much just as bad.

I think I'll just drink my cheap party-ready beers by myself at home instead.
Man, I suck.

[itisnotlogical]

I wish people would fucking politely ask for what they want instead of quietly hinting as they leave the room all dejected and hurt.

But oh wait, if they do it the second way, then they get what they want and the person they're asking from feels like a piece of shit for not being able to read their mind!

I just want to go to bed and forget that I'm even alive. Sorry midterm that's due in a few days, but I feel like human garbage right now.

[spümpkin]

Well. Scrolling down this thread, for one thing, has made me feel like a piece of shit.

But the reason I bothered scrolling down this entire thread, was because I feel really, really purposeless.

And whenever I say that to people, they're always like "Oh, but people care about you" and shit. But that's not what I mean. I just want to have some reason to keep existing, that's bigger than me. I just want to be important. To matter. To more than just those I know. To matter, just in itself, and not have someone else confirm for me, that I do, indeed, matter.

[TheBiggerFish]

*hugs everybody*

@All You Not Sleeping People:Dudes go to sleep.

@Yoink: *applies hugpats*

@itisnotlogical: *applies more hugpats*

Have you tried just, asking someone what they want when they start doing stuff like that?

@DigitalDemon: I would say we care, but that's not what you need to hear is it.

Ah well.  I think you matter anyway.

[Jopax]

Go for an eye check-up, it's cloudy and rainy. Get my pupils dialated for the checkup. By the time I'm done the weather has cleared and it is sunny as fuck. As a result I'm half-blind and stumbling trough half the city to get home on my own. Fun times.

[Frumple]

... they didn't give you those little sunglasses things? Always seemed to have the thin plastic whatsits when I've gone in for dilation and they. Well, are better than nothing. Mostly.