I kinda suspected it before (except from that guilt trip she had before but that was more about that she felt bad for screwing up my feelings) but today I learned for sure that she "kinda misses" what was before before (as in, just talking and whatnot, being friends and assorted stuff) and would want to go back to it but is afraid it's going to be hard for me... well, she's not goddamn wrong.
On one hand I am afraid I would literally beg her for at least that, but on the other my fear of that is the only reason I haven't tried to speak with her all this time. Part of me says "RUN THE FUCK AWAY", the other part wants it and there is even this part which suspects that there might be more to this. After all, this return could theoretically be the best solution (if one even exists) for everyone, since it would finally end this whole shitshow (in school we try our hardest to not end up in the same place, which leads to two "camps" forming up in the class. The people change and switch places all the time since we all are at pretty good terms, and it's mostly a matter on who arrives and sees who first... hard to explain really, but at least I now feel a bit better since apparently I'm not bad enough to just leave me alone) and people would end happy... well, except me, but I am self-sacrificial fucknut so who knows.
Bloody hell why there was nothing about this on when I signed up for life.
TL;DR
Feels.