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[LeoLeonardoIII]

Searching for CBT online may offer unexpected search results. Do you have the full term for that acronym?

[hector13]

Searching for CBT online may offer unexpected search results. Do you have the full term for that acronym?

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

Uncertain if I spelled things right, my brain is tiiiired.

Does require a fair bit of motivation to do it though, especially on your own.

Alternatively, Link. The "7 step self help course" is perhaps the one to start with. This isn't the site I used way back when, but for the life of me I can't remember what that website was. I know it was Australian though... but it had the same stuff on it, regardless.

[Knit tie]

This was originally going to be posted in the happy thread, as the conversation began there, but I don't think it's appropriate there.

-snip

As a russian, I know exactly what you're talking about. The stupidly corrupt politicians, the stupidly rich oligarchs (our neighbor has 3 helicopters), police that catches criminals solely to eliminate competition, people in general driving like crazy, pedestrians getting ground to paste by rich parents' kids (we call them "majors", as in, the opposite to "minor") on supercars with no consequences for the bastards, the general atmoshpere of distrust and paranoia - we have 'em all here! 

Especially paranoia. Even I suffer from it - I sometimes have this crippling attacks where I think that everybody is just pretending to like me and in fact secretly hates me. And that's tame compared to what my dad, the kindest soul I've ever known, does. Let's just say that he freaks out whenever I use the wrong debit card to buy something, because that means that somebody can trace the data and steal money from it. Of course they also can steal money from the card that I am supposed to use, but there's only about $150 on there at any given time specifically to minimise the losses if that theft ever happens. But sometimes I just don't have the time to go to the goddamn bank and fill all the forms all over again and put another 3000 roubles on the "safe" card just to repeat it 6 days later.

And what's worse, those are my money. But he still has the bank send him an sms every time I do anything with my account, "just to be sure".

[Tack]

I feel that. I'm such a massive agoraphobe that I haven't actually been to university yet, even though it's weeks in. And I've still managed to hide it from everyone I know (except my previous roomates... who kicked me out)

[Pnx]

I just realised I made a maths error that I managed to automatically correct by making another mathematical error...

Go me. I'm feeling like such a competent mathematician right now.

[AlleeCat]

Any friends you could stay with temporarily? Parents won't offer at least some support besides just leaving you homeless? You can't talk with the school about the situation? I can't really give any other helpful advice.

My parents have offered support, but they don't like the fact that I've signed up for three separate school quarters and failed all of them, and he only job I've had I've only held down for a week. They also tell me it was my choice to fail school, as if they don't already understand how depression and anxiety work. (I know at least my stepmother does; she has both.)
I also have one friend who lives with his mom and whose mother can barely support having five other people living in the house, especially when four of them are adults. I've been able to stay a night or two at a time there, but never long term.

[Pnx]

They also tell me it was my choice to fail school, as if they don't already understand how depression and anxiety work.

Ugh, so much this. Also the thing people do where they think that if you understand an anxiety/fear is irrational, it automatically means you've overcome it.

[My Name is Immaterial]

Remember Bay12 always cares about you.

Stay well. Please stay well. You've always been an insightful addition to the forums here and I'd hate to see that taken away from the world through circumstance or your own hand. I know you'll persevere given time and options, and I know you'll find a way.

I'd like to second these.

[Tack]

The author of Pictures for Sad Children (Sad Pictures for Children) had a breakdown, defaulted on his kick-starter, took down his site and hasn't been heard from since.



But I hope he's OK.
Despite him stealing a few thousand dollars from people.

[Tiruin]

Any friends you could stay with temporarily? Parents won't offer at least some support besides just leaving you homeless? You can't talk with the school about the situation? I can't really give any other helpful advice.

My parents have offered support, but they don't like the fact that I've signed up for three separate school quarters and failed all of them, and he only job I've had I've only held down for a week. They also tell me it was my choice to fail school, as if they don't already understand how depression and anxiety work. (I know at least my stepmother does; she has both.)
I also have one friend who lives with his mom and whose mother can barely support having five other people living in the house, especially when four of them are adults. I've been able to stay a night or two at a time there, but never long term.

Allee, I fully support you here however I have to note, and by thorough basis on the matter of depression state that: You have control over it. Only that you feel like you don't and are influenced by it.

There are underlying problems to the failure--why did it happen? [But the wrong part is that you didn't INTENTIONALLY fail school {as in, you directly chose, meaning apathy or whatever, to fail} but there are external factors influencing the decision]

Defend your stance, many just don't understand those stuffs. (Yea, even though it existed since when literature became widespread [or..well, the ancient philosophers took note of this in a holistic way)...
Also, PMs, if that's ok with you. :S

[mastahcheese]

Two days ago, for whatever stupid reason, one of my coworkers (in direct violation of policy) had a Taser with him and was playing around with it being an idiot. I don't know why, but seeing that brought back a lot of bad memories from my past, and ever since then I've been in this sort of "attack mode", where I'm constantly checking over my shoulder to make sure nobody is sneaking up on me, whenever I'm holding something, I hold it like the way I would hold a weapon, and I'm finding myself sub-consciously watching people to see parts of their movement that would leave the best opportunity to attack, in case they decided to attack me.

I feel completely paranoid, and I haven't felt this way in years, I haven't done this in so long, and I don't want to.
Even in my own home, I'm still watching every corner, every window, making sure I know where every possible weapon is, and where every slight noise is coming from.
I feel like I'm some kind of person with PTSD or something, I just want this to stop, and I don't know what to do.
Normally, whenever something like this happens, I just try to get my mind off of it, but nothing is working, it's dominating my mind to the point where I just can't concentrate on anything anymore, and even my hands are trembling trying to write this.
And that was two days ago, and it's only getting worse.

[Mr Space Cat]

Having one of those moments where I can't enjoy anything, question what the hell I'm doing with my life, belittle my self-worth and general competence, and wind up wasting time doing things I usually would have interest in but can't enjoy now because it's just not enjoyable and I suck at it.

All games are boring and uninteresting, I suck at music and can't work up the initiative to do anything with it, and I suck at art and can't make anything I'm satisfied with. I can't even freehand a relatively straight line and I'm just redrawing still shots of anime. Looooooser~~~, right. Totally unprofessional art that would never improve skills, right. Don't even get me started on my lack of progress in music.

I don't even know, everything just seems like a waste of time and effort that doesn't accomplish anything. All the stupid dreams and plans and interests I might have for the future are stupid, worthless, hopeless, never going to happen, never going to get anywhere, etc.

What am I doing with my life. What am I going to do with my life. Why bother. Fun thoughts and emotions all around. Probably should just go sleep, it's almost midnight anyway.

[Knit tie]

Now, Mastahcheese, I've seen a fair amount of troubled people in my day, and I can tell you right now that what you're having is called hypervigilance. It's an unpleasant condition primarily caused by, as you said, traumatic memories triggered by something that features in them, a tazer, in this case. You are constantly and irrationally on high alert because the pathway in your brain that's supposed the alertness off is not functioning properly. I never had this condition myself, but I know a guy who used to, and the good thing is that hypervigilance is perfectly treatable, both with counselling and with drugs, and any psychologist worth his salt can help you with that. So I'd advise you to go and see your GP as soon as possible.

Alleecat, the same goes to you. I have, several months ago, had a depression nadir so massive that I was literally unable to move, let alone do anything productive. But, again, a competent psychologist or counsellor will definitely help you with that, as I can say from experience, and I am sure he will help you explain to your parents what exactly you are going through. It may be tough to do the first time, but you need to get some help. It'll do wonders for you.

And Bay12 will always be with you, no matter who or where you are. I know neither your names nor faces, but if a guy or a girl comes up to me and says "I'm from Bay12 and I have nowhere to go", then, well, did you know that my dacha can house 24 people in separate rooms and has a fully-functional finnish bunker just in case things get really nasty?

[mastahcheese]

Now, Mastahcheese, I've seen a fair amount of troubled people in my day, and I can tell you right now that what you're having is called hypervigilance. It's an unpleasant condition primarily caused by, as you said, traumatic memories triggered by something that features in them, a tazer, in this case. You are constantly and irrationally on high alert because the pathway in your brain that's supposed the alertness off is not functioning properly. I never had this condition myself, but I know a guy who used to, and the good thing is that hypervigilance is perfectly treatable, both with counselling and with drugs, and any psychologist worth his salt can help you with that. So I'd advise you to go and see your GP as soon as possible.

I've never heard of that, but I'll be sure to ask about that.
And I've talked to my main doctor, not about this in particular, but about other things, and I've got an appointment set up with a psychologist some time later this month.
But talking to people seems to help, so I think it may be starting to get better. Someone was kind enough to talk to me about it, so I'm starting to ease up a little.

And what in the world is a dacha? My spellcheck recognizes it as a word, but I've never heard of one.

[Vector]

I have PTSD and yeah, Knit tie knows what he's talking about.  I recommend seeing a counselor, too ._.  I was able to do a lot on my own, but I really wish I had started going sooner.

A dacha is a Russian vacation house :]