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[Nadaka]

Josh, you just fond the number 1 reason why people move out of home. It is just impractical to attract ladies when you live with your family period.

Yes. Yes it is.  I'm not even bothering to look right now since I took in my family. It wouldn't be fair if I found a nice girl, and then inflicted my family upon her.

[kaijyuu]

Ah, true. I am assuming he's got a loving family

Ngh. Even a loving family doesn't necessarily equate to one that's able to provide the sort of support necessary to get a person out of a depression slump, though. Not all loving aid is particularly helpful, y'know? Pavement of th'road to hell and all that rot.

* kaijyuu is trying to think of situations where support could be unhelpful...

I doubt they'd be enabling any of his problems. Their sympathy could be phrased in the form of horrible advice too, I suppose, but A) thought that counts, and B) I presume he's smart enough to not do anything stupid if they suggest it.

I literally cannot think of any other way there could be any hell road paving with good intentions. There's value in simply opening up to people, and receiving sympathy in return.


But really the idea I'm trying to tear down here (excuse me for going in a bit impersonal direction, soli), is that he's a net detriment to those around him. Depressed individuals often value themselves as dirt, which inhibits them from seeking help from others (as they'd just "get in the way" or somesuch bullshit). First they need to realize they are valuable and worth other people's time, secondly they need to realize that those who love them want to help them, and pushing their loved ones and friends away causes far far far more harm than good. It doesn't matter if he's glum; he could burst into tears on the family room floor, and his family members would still prefer him there.

(though again I'm assuming a healthy family here, not a dysfunctional one)

[Solifuge]

Ah, true. I am assuming he's got a loving family

In honesty we're dysfunctional as hell, but manage to keep things more or less together, misguided misfits all. Amidst private critiques and judgements made of one another, major differences in beliefs, arguments that have escalated into ugliness, marriages and divorces and so on, there's still a lot of love and togetherness there. It's a bit of an oddity.

I could equate my family to a bunch of irregular, oddly-weighted branches; if you tried to set any one of them upright on their own, they'd be out of balance, wobble, and fall over. If you prop them up against one another, though, they somehow manage to hold one another upright.

So I've said after seeking isolation to cope with this brand of emotional BS. Funny, that.

I don't know... I can fake things with some people without a problem; my roommate came home and I heavily implied that I had a good time with my family today, joked with him as best I could, and so on. I just don't like putting on that fake face around people who know the Me that lies underneath all the "Me" masks I wear in public... I'd rather be who I am. And being... an emotionally dead husk like this can't be pleasant to be around. Moreover, I know from experience that they won't be able to help it; it's not something that can be fixed so much as waited out. The band-aid approach to pretending everything is peachy doesn't really help me.

Though it sucks, I am glad for my depression. I use this time to reflect on what dissatisfies me, to reorganize my life, and to chart a path forward that will bring me more happiness. It's like emotional spring cleaning. The downside is that I have to wade through pointless and undirected bouts of self-loathing, and sometimes feel like an ass for blowing people off during it... but I'd prefer to have that healing sulk than to put on a happy face and ignore the inward reality I am experiencing.

[MonkeyHead]

Flooding. Ugh.

I left work at 4PM. The ONLY road along the coast here was closed due to flooding in one of the tunnel sections from 3.30, so spent 2 hours in a jam, before the local emergiecy services (who until then had been busy saving people trapped in the tunnel) set up an escape road off the motorway. This didnt help though as there was no other road to head west, so a large group of drivers ended up stuck at an industrial estate waiting for the water to be cleared. 2 hours later, we were told that the motorway had been opened, but only for a 3 mile stretch, and anyone heading beyond the flooded section only had one option - a 150 mile backtrack to reach a minor road running in the same direction with the flooded one but on the other side of the big fuck off mountain range - when the usual route is less than 15 miles. Some of my workmates decided to book a hotel, and some of us decided to take this second route. Of course, with waaaay more cars and trucks on it than there should have been, the the second road was gridlocked. 4 hours later, I am sitting 5 miles away from my village, only to be told that now this road too has flooded. A big "Fuck it" comes over me and I leave the car by the side of the road and with a few other people yomp over the hills to get home in horizontal rain, ruining a nice suit and pair of shoes in the process. The journy home took over 8 hours when it should have taken 20 mins and I hadn't eaten since brekfast.

Meanwhile in my village low lying houses are now under 2 metres of water. Turns out all evening my wife had been helping keep children and old people safe from the floodwaters, probably badly damaging her car in the process of being so altruistic, and catching god knows what diseses wading knee deep through burst sewers. This I did not know until I put my foot in it quite badly and then a massive argument confirmed that yes, I am an asshole. Luckily my house is on a rise, so wasn't affected much by the flooding, save for the contents of my gardens being washed away down the street. My kids thought that this was all fucking hilarious and now want to go swimming in the street as its sunny.

Fuck you climate change.

[MaximumZero]

Daaaaang. I came in here to bitch about getting a lousy night's sleep in preparation for black friday, but that takes the cake.

[Kagus]

Exchanged a couple texts with a close friend of mine yesterday, joking about how the world is coming to an end.  It started off innocent enough, but then it became clear that she is in a very depressed state at the moment.  Then she said "I really don't think the end of the world is that bad a thing.  Then everyone will be dead, and no one will be around to care".

As her arms, legs and stomach are covered in self-inflicted scars, this really isn't something I like hearing from her.  In an attempt to change the conversation a bit, I tried sniffing around for some hints as to what to get her for Christmas.  She said not to get her anything, and instead give the money to Red Cross.


She's one of the kindest, most intelligent, creative and talented people I know.  And it really pisses me off on a cosmic level that she has to hurt so badly during random periods, and for no good reason, that she just wants to stop "being".

[Max White]

Kagus it sounds a bit like she wanted to maybe open up to you a little more. It is often nice to have somebody to talk to when you feel that depressed, and she might have been looking to you for an outlet.
It isn't your responsibly to be anybodies rock, so don't think you have to do anything, but if you think you would like to listen to how she is feeling, then asking might be a better idea than trying to change the subject.

[scriver]

So after doing some minor research, I don't think the warranty covers ky case anyway... Or at least, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to prove that it does. Which sucks. Basically all savings for the whole year would go if I had to buy a new laptop.

Gonna talk to my lawschool brother about it, I think. But there's not much hope, sadly.

[Kagus]

Kagus it sounds a bit like she wanted to maybe open up to you a little more. It is often nice to have somebody to talk to when you feel that depressed, and she might have been looking to you for an outlet.
It isn't your responsibly to be anybodies rock, so don't think you have to do anything, but if you think you would like to listen to how she is feeling, then asking might be a better idea than trying to change the subject.

No, she doesn't.  She really doesn't want to talk to anybody right now.  I've been trying to get/keep in touch with her for a few weeks now, I only managed to get a response this time around because she either was feeling better or felt bad about not saying anything to me.

She's bipolar, and hates herself on a good day.  I would love to be her shoulder to lean on, but she's so locked up in her idea of being worthless that she'd never allow herself to bother someone with how she feels.  Especially seeing as she, normally, recognizes it as just an immutable fact of life at least until summer rolls around.

[pisskop]

Bob Dole says:

"Don't be so hard on yourself!"

Also why is summer so important?

[Sirus]

I think one of the relatives gave me a cold yesterday. Dammit body, stop getting sick. You've been sick more times this past year than in the previous TEN.

[The Darkling Wolf]

Friend I was hoping to speak to didn't manage to get online tonight, and she has no internet at home yet so I won't get to chat again until Monday.

[Kagus]

Also why is summer so important?

She's what I refer to as "solar powered"; her mood is drastically affected by the weather.  And since the "weather" in Norway during winter is 16 hours of darkness interspersed with 8 hours of grayness or rain/snow (if you're in the southern-ish part of the country, otherwise you move up towards 20-22 hours a day WHILE it's snowing), that means she tends to be more heavily weighted towards being unhappy during this time of year than during the summer.  Normally, some time during spring or early summer she gets the upswing that marks her change from the negative pole up to a more positive, functioning level.

[RedKing]

Also why is summer so important?

She's what I refer to as "solar powered"; her mood is drastically affected by the weather.  And since the "weather" in Norway during winter is 16 hours of darkness interspersed with 8 hours of grayness or rain/snow (if you're in the southern-ish part of the country, otherwise you move up towards 20-22 hours a day WHILE it's snowing), that means she tends to be more heavily weighted towards being unhappy during this time of year than during the summer.  Normally, some time during spring or early summer she gets the upswing that marks her change from the negative pole up to a more positive, functioning level.

Sounds like classic seasonal affective disorder. Which is exceedingly common in Scandinavia because of the high seasonal variability in the light/dark cycle. Although interestingly enough, it's very rare in Iceland.

[MonkeyHead]

That might be as Iclanders are so very "No Biggie" about EVERYTHING. If they were any more laid back, they would be horizontal.