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[Xantalos]

Hey now, no self shaming along those lines. It's reasonable dislike not having good enough control, but wanting to get rid of the urge isn't the answer. Self control comes with experience and maturity.

This. I couldn't keep it in my pants until I realized how bad shit would get if I didn't keep it in my pants.

I'd probably regret it if I got rid of my sex drive, but still, I just really don't appreciate how it made me unable to talk to the opposite sex for a good while. ...That's actually a really petty reason. I just do not appreciate the awkwardness that results. I could rant on this for hours, but I'll stop.

The main thing that I see is that, in the heat of the moment, dudes forget that women are people, too. Most women, in my experience, appreciate direct and unhidden meaning. For some reason, people turn talking to the opposite gender into a huge cat-and-mouse game, when it doesn't have to be. Just...talk to people. If it winds up that you get intimate, use protection. *shrug* I've never understood why the process is so difficult.

The thing is, my genetalia is the thing incessantly pushing me to sex sex sex. Goddamn genetalia.

[MaximumZero]

Hey now, no self shaming along those lines. It's reasonable dislike not having good enough control, but wanting to get rid of the urge isn't the answer. Self control comes with experience and maturity.

This. I couldn't keep it in my pants until I realized how bad shit would get if I didn't keep it in my pants.

I'd probably regret it if I got rid of my sex drive, but still, I just really don't appreciate how it made me unable to talk to the opposite sex for a good while. ...That's actually a really petty reason. I just do not appreciate the awkwardness that results. I could rant on this for hours, but I'll stop.

The main thing that I see is that, in the heat of the moment, dudes forget that women are people, too. Most women, in my experience, appreciate direct and unhidden meaning. For some reason, people turn talking to the opposite gender into a huge cat-and-mouse game, when it doesn't have to be. Just...talk to people. If it winds up that you get intimate, use protection. *shrug* I've never understood why the process is so difficult.

The thing is, my genetalia is the thing incessantly pushing me to sex sex sex. Goddamn genetalia.

Clear your mind when you feel overwhelmed. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Remain in control. Focus on what your real needs are, and you can move forward with real life.

Not forward enough, they miss the message that you're interested.

I think this is my main problem. A glacier can make moves faster than I can

What kind of "moves" do you think you need to make? You're not playing chess. Be honest, both with yourself and any potential partner you may have. The fastest road travels without weaving around needlessly.

[Wrex]

Which makes me glad that I am under no compulsion to do so, nor am I intrested in pursuing it.

Which leads to awkward moments when the gay guy hits on me after I turned down the "hottie".

[kaijyuu]

The thing is, my genetalia is the thing incessantly pushing me to sex sex sex. Goddamn genetalia.

Here's the secret: Their's are too. You don't really need to hide that you're interested in that way, just give them their due respect.


I'm a dateless loser, but I do know why the "confident" guys often are the ones with girlfriends. They actually put themselves out there and communicate their interest, rather than hiding it out of some misplaced shame or insecurity.

[Sirus]

@ MZ: Not lame pick-up lines or whatever, that's not what I'm talking about.
When I say I move slowly, I mean that I knew a girl in class for three years before finally asking her to senior prom. It didn't work out.

[kaijyuu]

At least you had the nerve to ask someone to the prom 

[Xantalos]

The thing is, my genetalia is the thing incessantly pushing me to sex sex sex. Goddamn genetalia.

Here's the secret: Their's are too. You don't really need to hide that you're interested in that way, just give them their due respect.


I'm a dateless loser, but I do know why the "confident" guys often are the ones with girlfriends. They actually put themselves out there and communicate their interest, rather than hiding it out of some misplaced shame or insecurity.

Indeed. I just can't figure out whether I cna't figure out how to express my desires and am thus expressing hatred of them when all I need is a proper outlet or if I never wanted the desires in the first place. I'm thinking #2, but that's just me.

[Sirus]

At least you had the nerve to ask someone to the prom 

Well, to be fair I agonized over it for three weeks and the asking occurred with only a week left...

[kaijyuu]

Hrm, question Xantalos:

You say you don't want the libido. But then, what *do* you want from a relationship? Are you interested in romance? Friendship? Social status?

If it's not sex you want, figure out what you do, and go for that instead.

At least you had the nerve to ask someone to the prom 

Well, to be fair I agonized over it for three weeks and the asking occurred with only a week left...

I still think that's superior to not asking anyone at all

[Xantalos]

@kaijyuu: Good point. Mainly...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Magic Of Friendship!

Jokes aside, I'd like to have a friendship with a girl that won't inevitably develop into a romance. That happens a lot.

[Frumple]

I vaguely remember not even knowing the prom had happened until like the week after. Mind you, there was literally zero interest, but still.

I'd call it a strange thing, but it's not terribly surprising given the area I'm in. Social entanglements, especially when I was younger, were really fucking risky both for myself and, to a lesser degree, my family. Was, still am, very, very cautious about dealing with (and mostly very, very quiet around) people living in this area.

Will be glad when I actually manage to horde up the resources to move to somewhere a bit less backwards. Can only imagine the first month or two after I'm out of a place that is pretty close to fundamentally hostile to me will involve a great improvement on my general mood, assuming I'm still able to feed myself.

[MaximumZero]

@ MZ: Not lame pick-up lines or whatever, that's not what I'm talking about.
When I say I move slowly, I mean that I knew a girl in class for three years before finally asking her to senior prom. It didn't work out.

The key is to stop pre-analyzing people and their own "moves". Individual people are unpredictable and fickle. On top of that, your own self doubt is coloring your perceptions of how things are going to work out. You just have to remember to focus on what you want and why you want it, and go in guns blazing. The worst that can happen is that you'll get turned down, and have to pursue someone else.

@kaijyuu: Good point. Mainly...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Magic Of Friendship!

Jokes aside, I'd like to have a friendship with a girl that won't inevitably develop into a romance. That happens a lot.

Find a nerd herd. Social ineptness aside, nerds have really high standards for romance, but will usually take you at face value when you say that you are interested in what they're doing and want to hang out.

[Xantalos]

@kaijyuu: Good point. Mainly...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Magic Of Friendship!

Jokes aside, I'd like to have a friendship with a girl that won't inevitably develop into a romance. That happens a lot.

Find a nerd herd. Social ineptness aside, nerds have really high standards for romance, but will usually take you at face value when you say that you are interested in what they're doing and want to hang out.

I really should do that. I'm in a position that many people would do bad things for, because chicks randomly ask me out every couple of months for no reason. It's odd. I don't even know them.

[Sirus]

I feel like Xantalos and I should have some sort of Freaky Friday switch. I can talk to girls (and guys, but those aren't the ones I want to date) and be friends all day long. He gets asked out at random. We could learn from each other!

[kaijyuu]

chicks randomly ask me out every couple of months for no reason. It's odd. I don't even know them.

Well, you're getting the opportunity to get to know them then, aren't you?

I don't mean to be condescending when saying that. "Just put yourself out there!" rings hollow to me too. But if you're getting people asking you out, understand that that means you're interesting. You're noticed. You're worth their time, now you need to figure out if they're worth yours.