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[darkhog]

Time for my one. Minor one, but still. After years or so of using Dwarf Therapist to set up labors (because Toady's system sucks for that), I've learning about DFHack having such functionality already (u->l (small L) if you're interested:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[axemangeorge]

Coming back to DF after 2-ish years' absence. I founded a fairly quiet fort with a healthy steel industry, studied dfwiki on how to properly outfit my military. After a few minor skirmishes with greenskins and knife-ears, developed a squad -- the Beardrippers -- of 8 Axe Lords and 2 not-quite-legendary soldiers. I decided to explore the Missions > Raid possibilities.

On my first raid, a sneak & steal, the Beardrippers were instructed to steal treasure. A week or later they returned triumphant, leading a train of 9 tame beak dogs, carrying some kind of glass banjo and a pair of troll fur pants.

In my mind, the dialogue went something like this:

Mayor: "We sent you to steal treasure and you come back with this -- garbage?"

Cutter (squad leader, legendary Axe Lord): "No, wait -- we stole these right out of the goblin leader's bedroom. Feel them! They're SO SOFT."

Mayor: "Seriously? Wait -- they ARE really soft..."

The mayor commandeered the troll fur pants (which I imagined were too large, so he had them sort of lapped over the rope he used as a belt).

Four or five missions later, I had a Legendary armorsmith cranking out unparalleled gear. I decided to change the Beardrippers' uniform and send them on another mission. I'm not sure exactly what I did wrong. The upshot is, the entire squad of Beardrippers marched off to conquer a really big greenskin settlement stark naked, hi-hoing as they stomped off into the sunset. Weeks later, two wild-eyed, mud-spattered, starving refugees staggered back to the fort. Still naked.

[Schmaven]

I just had a cave-in right over my quantum stockpiles.  Thousands of stone lost forever... Time to dig more extra rooms I suppose.

One insight from this, is that FPS has been completely unaffected.  So sheer # of stones (at least all on 1 tile) does not appear to affect FPS 1 way or another.  Could be due to them not wearing out like clothing / other items.

Edit: The stones were found, still all on 1 tile, but 9 spaces over. 

[delphonso]

Did the stones...dodge?

[axemangeorge]

Migrant wave brought in a handful of PTSD-raddled twitchy-eyed refugees from the retired fort Tangledstockade -- all gaunt & harrowed by the tragic nightmares their lives had become. You can sorta tell it's going to be bad when the migrant walks onto the map and his first task is Go To Meeting -- unless there's some secret Alcoholics Anonymous session taking place behind the pig tail cloth bins.

Since Dwarf Therapist doesn't actually provide therapy, yet, and I've never acquired the skill of saving a dwarf from the brink of utter madness (100k stress?!?), I immediately triaged them. I imagine the Mayor standing out front with a clipboard: "So, have you ever been forced to endure the decomposition of a friend's corpse? How many times have you been jailed for starting a brawl?" etc.

One poor migrant, Urist McLoony, revealed he'd been a former resident of (no exaggeration) 10 settlements. "Former resident of... and... and... AND... also... you must be... seriously?... wait slow down I'm running out of paper here..." Two entire screens of negative thoughts. The Mayor stamped McLoony's travel papers and immediately exiled him -- now the former resident of 11 settlements. Not without sympathy, but definitely without mercy.

Come to think of it. that's probably where the greenskins recruit the race-traitor dwarves who've consistently been the worst opposition I've faced during sieges.

[Eschar]

Did the stones...dodge?

It's probably a result of some sort of check to prevent objects from being in the same place that can't be, similar to the principle behind the magma piston.

[Bumber]

I'm pretty sure cave-in dust pushes stuff. Odd that they'd all end up on the same tile, though.

[Schmaven]

I'm pretty sure cave-in dust pushes stuff. Odd that they'd all end up on the same tile, though.

They all started on the same tile, so it seems cave-in dust moves things in a well defined manner.  It would have been absolute chaos if all 1500+ of the stone all ended up on different tiles.

[Troll_Kaiser177]

Been training a unit of dwarves for about two years now. Just had a group of migrants come in so I thought 'Why not make another group of Dwarves and try to make them wrestlers or something?'

Shortly afterwards I found a cute little Goblin pit, and promptly sent out me Dorfs to take 'ehm out.

Turns out I sent the unarmed and useless migrants.

What have I done 

[darkhog]

Well, if any of them returns, their combat skills will be legendary.

[Robsoie]

When you play too much Dwarf Fortress you're starting to have Urist reactions yourself.
Facepalm of the day for myself
I had started a fortress, the underground part can be accessed from ramps, that's the important point for the problem, at some point after cutting several trees i started as usual to see holes in the ground once i moved the view 1 level up (i have rooms and tunnels just below) where said trees were.

So i ordered my dwarves to make floor tiles over all those holes just in case something nasty came as it would just then have to jump in a hole and land into my underground structures.

Then more time moved on, i noticed some work i had ordered long time ago weren't done anymore, despite tools required and specialist dwarves were still alive both outside and inside the fortress there were dwarves starting to be unable to feed and to drink for reason i couldn't understand.

After more time i was starting to get ready to post a bug report on mantis.
Then i saw.

When my dwarves had built floor over all of the holes i pointed them too, they also put floors over the ramps.
... man i felt like Urist

[Uristo]

I have an "above-ground" fortress dug into two opposite cliffs, with a bridge spanning between them. There is a river to the north that runs parallel to the fortress.
I thought it would be cool to dig a channel perpendicular to the river so that it runs under the bridge as my dwarves move back and forth.
Anyway, channel went fine, but I forgot to deactivate a barracks/training ground that was above the area I channeled out. Two dwarves conducting a dodging demonstration both dodged over the channel and promptly fell into the river and drowned. *facepalm*

[Tonren]

Villainous facepalms:

Eye of Erushrítol: SUP NERDS! *Knocks over statues, slaps food out of dorf's hands*
My dorfs tolerate this for a few months, then when I can't take it anymore and draft everyone (all 7) into a little squad. They pick up their copper battle axes and picks and start looking pretty threateningly at the Eye, who proceeds to IMMEDIATELY ESCAPE AT THE FASTEST VELOCITY I'VE EVER SEEN A UNIT MOVE IN-GAME.

Years later, a Fist of Erushrítol shows up and starts causing a similar ruckus. Now with full suits of armor and several years of training, my dorfs walk up to it, pretty threateningly, with arms crossed and shoulders squared, like, "You'd better think twice before you make a ruckus here in Bonevault, buddy," but instead of fleeing like the Eye, this cool cucumber barely even slows down as he steamrollers my entire military and then leaves the map, as if he was just proving a point. Whatever. F U, Erushrítol!

Siege defense facepalms:

I set up a triple ballista battery, but the dorf in front fired so fast that by the time the second dorf fired, he was already in the line of fire on his way to reload his own ballista

(I posted this facepalm to the Dwarf Fortress facebook group and the first response was: "chunky salsa  ")

Wereelk facepalms:

I spent so much time and effort reading through the combat logs and trying to figure out how to get rid of my mayor, who got bit. When you try to expel the mayor you get the message: "Cannot expel: Does the expelling". So that was that. He was immobile in the hospital anyway, so what's the big deal? I was going to seal him into his manor, but he can't even get out of bed. Maybe he still won't be able to walk when he transforms. Just in case, I'll post some military dorfs to guard the hospital and minimize damage. Then:

Bembul Shmeklebok cancels Plant Seeds: Interrupted by Wereelk Farmer.

Yeah, I didn't even read the combat logs correctly. The mayor was never bit and never transformed, it was an entire other pair of dorfs who, well, I'm gonna be honest, they tore the whole fortress apart. They were, somehow, so much stronger than the wereelk that sired them. Sam and Dean Winchester could not have killed this pair of wereelk farmers. RIP Bonevault.

[TubaDragoness]

He was immobile in the hospital anyway, so what's the big deal? I was going to seal him into his manor, but he can't even get out of bed. Maybe he still won't be able to walk when he transforms.

Werebeast transformations completely regenerate the body, replacing and repairing any damage. He would absolutely have been able to walk and rampage if he had been bitten.

[muldrake]

Yeah, I didn't even read the combat logs correctly. The mayor was never bit and never transformed, it was an entire other pair of dorfs who, well, I'm gonna be honest, they tore the whole fortress apart. They were, somehow, so much stronger than the wereelk that sired them. Sam and Dean Winchester could not have killed this pair of wereelk farmers. RIP Bonevault.

Hooved weres are absolutely brutal.  In my current fort, a werezebra appeared.  I thought how tough could one of these be and delayed closing the gate to let a couple dwarves get in.  In the few ticks in between pulling the lever and the gate closing the thing got in.  25/26 dwarves dead in seconds.  Wtf man?

Luckily a mopey dwarf who later lost his mind survived long enough for migrants to show up.  The migrants immediately got killed by a magma man, something I'd never seen in years of playing the game.  The wiki says they're "exceptionally rare" so this ordinarily might have been fun.  Again, the lunatic was left alive.  In an amusing moment, after killing my fort for the second time in a year, the magma man went and picked a fight with a wild yak bull.  The bull one shotted its head clean off.

Now, a couple years later, with the population of my fort just barely recovered and the dead bodies from last time not even fully interred, another werezebra showed up.  Luckily I accidentally timed the lever pulling just perfectly, and because I had the trade depot in an airlock, with one gate to the outside and one gate between the depot and the fort, I trapped the beast in the depot.  I guess I have siege insurance now.