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[MattStriker]

Desert embark. I need a lot of water for a project near the surface and the oasis I've built my fort around can't provide that much.

Luckily I have hit the caverns!

Cavern 1 has water, but it is rather inconveniently placed in an out-of-the way map corner.

Cavern 3's lake is in a nice spot, but ever since the venomous undulating glass frog incident I've been wary about doing anything on that layer.

Cavern 2's water is directly underneath my fort, making it an ideal source. So that's where I set up my pumpstack. Lots of pumps.


So my pumps start working and the cistern starts filling...

Goblin siege!

I hotkey to the surface and start ordering civvies to their emergency shelters, get the militia in position, double-check if the marksdwarves actually picked up their ammo for a change and then went about opening trap corridors to whittle the goblin numbers down...you know, normal stuff.


By now most of you probably realize what happened.

For those who didn't, here's a helpful hint:

When you turn a pumpstack on, make sure you do not forget to turn it off again. 4 dead dorfs, one more who'll probably be leaving us soon due to alternating periods of depression and random violence...and mud all over the floors of three levels, including the main dorms and the primary stockpile. There's trees growing everywhere.

At least some of them are tower-caps...

[Mr Space Cat]

Guess what, soldiers. Hand over any shiny blue equipment. No, keep your exceptional steel armour, we've got enough of those. From now on, you are the Blind Guardians, the core of the Elite Meatshield Regiment. Congrats.

That's a pretty kickass name for a squad you got there.

[Ozarck]

I recently discovered that a dwarf would rather live on bugs outside than wade through 4/7 water to get back into the fortress. So much for easy swimming lessons. Time to floor over that little fiasco.

[Sutremaine]

That's a pretty kickass name for a squad you got there.

I was hoping it'd be that song. But I think I prefer the original (link also notable for containing one of the very few dramatic AMVs I've seen that does lipsynch well).

[nightwhips]

"You're letting me out?"

"Yeah, I gotta melt this, you're free to go."

"Really?"

"Yeah, get outta there, I gotta fulfill this work order. Hurry up."

"Do you want my weapons??"

"NO. GET OUT."

*Meng Saucedteapots cancels melt cage: interrupted by goblin*

*Meng Saucedteapots has been struck down*

Noticed it was taking my haulers a long time to get the goblins from the cage traps to the mass pitting room, so I decided to replace my metal cages with wooden ones. I marked all the metal cages for melting and went about dropping one goblin at a time into the arena for my guardsmen to execute.

A few minutes later I notice a message: "dwarf cancels task, interrupted by goblin." I'd put hatches over the arena just to counter this exact problem! I zoomed to the message to see why the hatches weren't working and ended up at the main staircase instead.

And then I realized I should probably take the melt designations off of the cages that still have goblins in them

[PDF urist master]

that was worth a few good laughs

i recently learned that if you raise a drawbridge against a wall, it acts as an atom smasher.

said knowledge cost me a potter, who was too stupid to move out of the way.

[Philotes]

I think we all have accidentally pressed abandon the fortress instead of save game a few times...I remember when I was new I pressed it 5 or 6 times before I learned better

That never happened to me.

But i lost multiple fortresses by accidentally removing my main stairs when i wanted to remove the ramps around my fortress and realizing that way too late... (i always forget that it removes ramps AND stairs...) :/

Also i tend to make some stupid decisions when it's around 4 or 5 am and i'm still playing

[petio999]

A cat once sprained my shoulder in the arena.

[WillowLuman]

My first attempt at a magma piston took half the fort upon firing.

[UraniumPhoenix]

I was building my defenses, and set up a rudimentary bridge. There was a tiny little space under my bridge, in which there stood 9 dwarfs(Out of 19) And lots of bins with finished goods. I then closed the bridge, having set it up. A month later i realize that I`ve lost half my dwarfes. To put it this way, i found them, and so did the other dwarves. Tantrum spiral for the win

[PDF urist master]

it took me four months to realize that merchants with wagons can't leave if the fort is no longer wagon accessible.

my hint was the dwarves have bypassed your site.

[Ozarck]

A cat once sprained my shoulder in the arena.

It's kinda hard to facepalm with a sprained shoulder. One would need a second hand or something. And that would just be ridiculous.

[brydson]

Named a dwarf noble after my girlfriend since she was starting to show an interest in my fortress.

Said dwarf melted herself away to nothing constructing my first magma shower... (I forgot that liquid passing through a fortification does so at extremely high pressure).

Told my girlfriend about it. Finely crafted gabbro memorial slate is not enough to appease her. Damn.

[Achitus]

Was building an outside city for my vault dwellers in the Fallout mod, thought I was finished with the outer walls, apparently a few blocks got suspended for unseen reasons, letting a whole mess of man-eater gators in, ruining everyone's day.

Sure I managed to kill 'em off, but there were still 5 fatalities and several maimings before the crisis was over, I truely facepalmed over the whole unfortunate event. 

[Drazinononda]

Named a dwarf noble after my girlfriend since she was starting to show an interest in my fortress.

Said dwarf melted herself away to nothing constructing my first magma shower... (I forgot that liquid passing through a fortification does so at extremely high pressure).

Told my girlfriend about it. Finely crafted gabbro memorial slate is not enough to appease her. Damn.

The Corporeal Girlfriend has risen and is haunting the Overseer!