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[zchris13]

I killed an engraver, his dog, and his mule.  I was mostly just pissed off about their flashing names at the top of the dead bodies list.
Uh oh, 20 fps.  Time to call out the ambush squad.  "Thief! Protect the hoard from skulking filth!"

(*Copper warhammer* + uberstats)*(dwarf size-kobold size)/(no hammer skill) = Line drive down the base line.

[Time Kitten]

Gasp! you divided by zero!

[zchris13]

Gasp! you divided by zero!

Not zero, it is at least 1.  But not numerical values here.  Just figurative.  It was cool!!!

[Redhades]

Geshug Ztalath is a farmer and mother of four children and one baby.
She was sent to 24 days in prison, because the baron did not have his production mandates met and decided to make her an example for all the others.
Her cell is a small two-by-two room with a bed, and empty booze barrel, and a chain binding her leg.
Her four children have gather by the door to her cell, but her baby is lost, lingering the deep halls of the fortress.

Geshug yells for here lost infant, but no one knows where it is. Her other children are too scared to leave her side and the many residents of the fortress are far too busy to help.

Yet she does not lose hope that her baby is alive and safe somewhere.
Geshud Zatalath, Farmer cancels Seek Infant: Infant inaccessible                   x47

 

[Leafsnail]

Geshug Ztalath is a farmer and mother of four children and one baby.
She was sent to 24 days in prison, because the baron did not have his production mandates met and decided to make her an example for all the others.
Her cell is a small two-by-two room with a bed, and empty booze barrel, and a chain binding her leg.
Her four children have gather by the door to her cell, but her baby is lost, lingering the deep halls of the fortress.

Geshug yells for here lost infant, but no one knows where it is. Her other children are too scared to leave her side and the many residents of the fortress are far too busy to help.

Yet she does not lose hope that her baby is alive and safe somewhere.
Geshud Zatalath, Farmer cancels Seek Infant: Infant inaccessible                   x47

 

Mine did that.  Over 1000 messages from a 30 day incarceration.

[alway]

Geshug Ztalath is a farmer and mother of four children and one baby.
She was sent to 24 days in prison, because the baron did not have his production mandates met and decided to make her an example for all the others.
Her cell is a small two-by-two room with a bed, and empty booze barrel, and a chain binding her leg.
Her four children have gather by the door to her cell, but her baby is lost, lingering the deep halls of the fortress.

Geshug yells for here lost infant, but no one knows where it is. Her other children are too scared to leave her side and the many residents of the fortress are far too busy to help.

Yet she does not lose hope that her baby is alive and safe somewhere.
Geshud Zatalath, Farmer cancels Seek Infant: Infant inaccessible                   x47

 

Mine did that.  Over 1000 messages from a 30 day incarceration.

Moral of this story: don't build jails, kill the hammerer, and drown any dissenting nobles in magma.

[zchris13]

Moral of this story: don't build jails, kill the hammerer, and drown any dissenting nobles in magma.

• 
• 
• 

I prefer this better.

[CJ1145]

In 16, the titan Zaneg Abbeyprophets the Last Genius was struck down by the Dwarf Domas Flankdikes

Dwarfs. So stupid, they actually have the ability to dumb smart things to death.

[zchris13]

In 16, the titan Zaneg Abbeyprophets the Last Genius was struck down by the Dwarf Domas Flankdikes
Dwarfs. So stupid, they actually have the ability to dumb smart things to death.

What a great title. Snif*

[CJ1145]

It's even better when you know that his death ended the Age of Myth. Apparently, all Legends and Heroes in that world were fucking retarded.

[KenboCalrissian]

Just the other day, a cat killed a hedgehog at z-level 0.  It decided to bring the corpse to its master, who was on z-level +7 doing some masonry work on my megaproject.

The cat hauled the dead hedgehog all the way up the stairs.  It was a long way, but the taste of its prey's blood made it ever so proud, and the love it would surely receive from its owner made it prouder still.

At the very top of the megaproject, the cat's owner toiled away, deconstructing a tile of floor.  The cat decided its gift must be dropped in front of its owner, right onto the floor he was deconstructing.  The cat stood off to the side (thankfully) and waited for its owner to finish deconstructing the floor.

Down, down, down the dead hedgehog plummeted, along with the rock that once made the floor... 7 z-levels right onto the head of a poor craftsdwarf in his workshop trying to make some nice new mica mugs.

Glorious.

[globofglob]

Once an squad of goblin marksmen ambushed one of my marksdwarves outside of my fortress. It was a pretty close shave too, because she was standing about five squares from the door. Anyway, just as these goblins start attacking her, I see her kid running down the hall towards the door to get to her. I locked it before he could get through so he wouldn't die. Lucky kid to see his mom killed by gobbos just a few steps away.

[Innominate]

Building a bridge over a chasm to my mighty fortress, I decided to put walls along the side so that we couldn't be hit by arrows while crossing it. Of course, I forgot that bridges will allow you to designate constructions alongside them, but they won't actually provide support.

A section of the cavern has collapsed!
Monom Rimtaraned, Miner cancels Construct Building: Unconscious.
Monom Rimtaraned, Miner has fallen into a deep chasm.
Libash Komancatten, Miner has fallen into a deep chasm.

Also, one of my children lost his father to a giant bat, and received several yellow/red wounds. He was put into a bed in the barracks, where naked dwarves wrestled day and night. Soon enough he was content. It seems that injury is the best way to deal with tragedy, as being looked after makes them happier than crying on a shoulder. Disturbing? You decide.

[SquirrelWizard]

I had a marksdwarf who was also a babyfactory. She had like 6 kids following her around at all times, and 10 kids total to her name.

while my marksdwarves were on guard duty overseeing the gap in my defenses I had to put in so my builders could do their thing, one of her kids disapeared, and a goblin thief popped into existance...

right in the middle of 8 champion marksdwarves. Litterally, he was like 2-3 squares away from all of them.

pin cushion much?

Also, the deathblow on my fortress, a lava leak down the main access shaft, which regardless of its restricted access, my dwarves ran up and down getting fried by falling magma.

[Sir Ratburge]

Probably one of the most disturbing things I have seen in Dwarf Fortress   

All was well and fine in my third year fortress, Farming was going well so everyone had plenty to eat. The local still was churning out vast amounts of alcohol and I had managed to pick out such a great spot that I was able to create steel items and my small army was able to keep the small goblin raids at bay pretty easily without any casualties... it was all a little bit too peaceful.

One day a dwarf by the name of Fath Urisstan is taken by a fell mood, I think to myself - fantastic! another one of my dwarves is going to create a legendary item for me to add to my collection.  He then looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible... hmmm that message didn't sound good.
He then proceeds to claim a butchers shop - at this point I don't like where this is going as all the goodies I had hunted had already been cut up and sent to the kitchen.

This is where is gets weird.
Fath grabs the nearest kid (who's name was Reg), drags  him back to the butchers shop and promptly chops him to bits! he then begins a mysterious construction... No one around took any notice, not even the guys parent nor did anyone punish Fath - Damn that kid must have been hated.

Anyway after Fath had finished 'constructing' his artifact I finally got to see what was so important that he had to carve a kid up to make...

"Moralgraves", a dwarf leather bag - worth... get this - 1200 

You will be pleased to know Fath is still alive and well as a master Leatherworker, he has a wife and a only child named Cog. Lets hope he doesn't run out of bags anytime soon 



Here's a screenshot in case you don't believe me