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Author Topic: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread  (Read 7126 times)

Heavy Flak

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The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« on: July 22, 2008, 02:26:37 pm »

I'm a media sponge.  Movies, and television, and books, and to a lesser extent music, I absorb it all.  My favorites though, are Bad Movies.  The worst-of-the-worst, the stuff that Mystery Science Theater 3000 would have had a field day with.   It started in college when I found a DVD labeled "DIE SCREAMING MARIANNE" at the local flea market.  I never bought it and to this day wish I had, if only so I could sharpie a comma in there.  "DIE, SCREAMING MARIANNE" would have been much better.

If you're a fan, throw some more movies out.  If you've seen these?  Try to convert the non-believers as to the virtues of B-Grade slop.  Most of these movies can't be classified as "good", but can surely .  There are a few I'm hesitant to post, because they're just so bad they're not fun, but from a ... historical (?) standpoint, they're worth a mention.  I'll label those in red. 

Edit: I'm adding the movies that everyone lists below to this list, with either their description (if there is one), or mine.  I'm also classifying them by what I have and haven't seen, because hey.  I'm the life of this party :)

---

Movies I've Seen


Robo Vampire - A man wearing potholders for armor fights hordes of Chinese Jumping Vampires while doing The Robot.
Robo Vampire 2: Devil's Dynamite - Don't be fooled by the production dates, this is actually the sequel to the hit movie Robo Vampire.  Time and space don't hinder this director and his vision.
Catman in Lethal Track - The movie that started it all for me, watch in fascination as Catman never once comes into contact with the main villain.  It should be noted that this, and many other movies by this director, are nothing more than full length movies spliced and dubbed. 
Catman in Boxer's Blow - an excellent worm-eating torture scene can't save this from dreaded Sequelitis.
Meatball Machine - You have to see it to believe it, as aliens turn humans into screw-eyed cyborgs with rubber weapons, who fight to the death gladiator-style to eat giant testicles that double as the Alien Control Rooms now growing off their bodies.
Track of the Moon Beast - Something about a giant were-lizard, and Johnny-The-Worst-Indian-Ever?  I had to drink a LOT to get through this one.
Crippled Masters - A unremarkable Chop Socky flick that has the notable distinction of featuring performers from the local freak circus, a guy with no legs and a guy with no arms. 
Freaks - A love story set in a circus side show with real side show freaks, this movie disturbed my mother so much she refuses to even acknowledge it exists.
Enter...Zombie King! - Mexican Wrestlers wander the land, fighting zombies for no apparent reason.  It features a girl so ugly even a mask can't help her.
Salo: 120 Days of Sodom - A test of endurance, and one that can only be recommended to a few. 
Vase de Noches (The Wedding Trough) - The last man on earth rapes the sow he loves and tried to raise her mutant piglets after she commits suicide, all without dialog and the barest hint of music.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I was bored to tears with a movie lovingly referred to as "That pig fucking movie". 
Shark Attack 3 - One of the best shark movies ever made, with the best pickup line ever and the best jetski escape ever.
ZARDOZ
Hercules in New York - Such an absurd movie, especially when you hear the completely unmanly dubbing they gave Ahnold.
Bubba Ho-Tep - Bruce Campbell as a guy who thinks he's Elvis and Ossie Davis as a guy who thinks he's JFK save a nursing home from mummies.  Yes, it's as awesome as it sounds.
Dead Alive (aka Braindead) - Peter Jackson turns zombie movies on their head with kung-fu priests, people eating pus, the best claymation this side of King Kong, and more blood then you're likely to have seen.
Bad Taste - Watch this movie about people-eating aliens that took FOUR YEARS to film.  Then think to yourself, "They gave Peter Jackson HOW much money to make Lord of the Rings?"
Meet the Feebles - Watch this movie about a sex-crazed, drug using puppet broadway troop, and think to yourself, "They gave Peter Jackson HOW much money to make Lord of the Rings?"
Black Sheep - New Zealand is overrun with mutant, flesh eating sheep, oh the humanity!
Barn of the Blood Llamas - Red Neck's start dropping like flies as they run afoul of viscious, acid spitting, flesh eating llamas.
Plan 9 from Outer Space - Almost staring Bela Lugosi! 

Yet to be Seen
Troll 2
Dracula vs. Billy the Kid
Silent Night, Deadly Night 2
Kungfu from Beyond the Grace - not much info on IMDB...
Starship Troopers 2
Undeafable - realizing it was directed by the guy who did the Catman, Robo Vampire, and soon to be added Thunder Ninja Kids movies, this is now a must see.
Rottweiler
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra - holy crap, this looks amazing.
« Last Edit: July 23, 2008, 07:46:37 am by Heavy Flak »
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Cthulhu

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2008, 02:53:27 pm »

The only B-Movie I remember watching is Evil Dead.  Ones I've read about that song really awesome are Troll 2, Dracula vs. Billy the Kid(Something like that), Silent Night, Deadly Night 2, Shark Attack 3, with the most epic pickup line evar.

OH!  I know a weird one.  Zardoz.  I saw most of that, I think I turned it off around the weird arousal-test thing.
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PTTG??

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2008, 03:49:36 pm »

Enter...Zombie King! - Mexican Wrestlers wander the land, fighting zombies for no apparent reason.  It features a girl so ugly even a mask can't help her.

Get rid of the "Mexican" and then you pretty much have Dwarf Fortress right there.

... Huh. What are the odds I'd end up saying that five times today?
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Wooty

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2008, 06:13:54 pm »

The latest B-movie I've seen was "Kung Fu From Beyond the Grave". The most memorable scene is where a random bad guy pulls out a wad of bills, burns them, and yells "Count dracula come to my aid!". This god awful 'count dracula' comes flying out of the sky cackling and shooting lightning bolts out of his hands. We had to rewind and watch the scene before we believed that it actually happened. The entire movie is set in Japan, with ninjas and throwing stars and shiz. I don't know where the hell they got count dracula from.

I don't actually reccomend seeing this movie. Its awful.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2008, 11:36:10 pm by Wooty »
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Aqizzar

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2008, 06:21:28 pm »

I don't know if it qualifies as a B-movie, but if Bubba Hotep is one, it's one of the best.  Bruce Campbell as a guy who thinks he's Elvis and Ossie Davis as a guy who thinks he's JFK save a nursing home from mummies.  Yes, it's as awesome as it sounds.

B-movies, B-movies...  A lot of people don't know Starship Troopers, which blurred between great B movie and crappy A movie, had a sequel, Starship Troopers 2.  Absolutely awful.  Ditched the cool effects and over-the-top-ness for a mix of Predator and the Pod People.
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Torak

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2008, 06:27:26 pm »

Undefeatable.

Epic fight scene.
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Aqizzar

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2008, 06:36:09 pm »

Undefeatable.

Epic fight scene.

Everyone watch this right now.  It's even better than the old chainsaw duel.
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McDoomhammer

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2008, 06:40:13 pm »

I'm not sure whether to think it's so bad it's good, so bad it's awful, or just sitting on its own new plane transcending such petty concerns, but I have one that has to be seen to be believed...  Ahnuld Schwarzenegger's film debut, entitled Hercules In New York.  Yes, that Hercules.
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Naze

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2008, 06:44:51 pm »

Rottweiler, a movie that made no sense to me, a prisoner is running from this robot dog which eats everyone it sees and then they end up dead in the arctic with scorpions all over them in less than an hour.
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Reasonableman

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2008, 07:11:25 pm »

OH!  I know a weird one.  Zardoz.  I saw most of that, I think I turned it off around the weird arousal-test thing.

OHMYGOD! Someone else who's seen that movie! I'm stunned!
"THE GUN IS GOOD. THE PENIS IS BAD."

EDIT: Does anyone know where I could watch episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000? Haven't seen that show in ages.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2008, 07:14:04 pm by Reasonableman »
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Cthulhu

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2008, 07:20:56 pm »

My eye hurts after watching that Undefeatable fight scene.

But yeah, Zardoz, wtf was going on there?  I read a comment on IMDB and was surprised at how much I had forgotten.  Like when they're all going "Immrmrrmmrmrr" and wiggling their hands or whatever.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2008, 07:23:03 pm by Cthulhu »
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Tahin

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2008, 07:51:08 pm »

OH!  I know a weird one.  Zardoz.  I saw most of that, I think I turned it off around the weird arousal-test thing.

OHMYGOD! Someone else who's seen that movie! I'm stunned!
"THE GUN IS GOOD. THE PENIS IS BAD."

EDIT: Does anyone know where I could watch episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000? Haven't seen that show in ages.

I found some old episodes of that available on netflix, a while ago.

Undefeatable.

Epic fight scene.

Everyone watch this right now.  It's even better than the old chainsaw duel.

That is both incredibly homoerotic and awesomely violent at the same time. I love it.
I'm not gay.
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Sergius

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2008, 07:58:56 pm »

C'mon, Zardoz isn't that bad. I mean, Sean Connery is in it. He surely can save the film.



Gotta love the Sean... you rogue!
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Cthulhu

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #13 on: July 22, 2008, 08:01:33 pm »

How is it homoerotic?  My gay-dar was silent through the entire video.
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Reasonableman

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Re: The Best of the Worst - a Movie Thread
« Reply #14 on: July 22, 2008, 08:12:04 pm »

How is it homoerotic?  My gay-dar was silent through the entire video.

Some sort of white noise must've been drowning out the homosexuality in that video. Do you live near a gay bar, or have a gay roommate, perhaps?
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