Good news, everyone! I've finished Apiks' turn!
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5th Moonstone, Early WinterMan, Mastahcheese has stolen our only carpenter's workshop. Now he's gonna go build something we can't even sell! I hate this, man. Artifacts won't even get you any money! But maybe I'll steal whatever it is out from under him... Heheheheheh, sucker.
Still, we needed more to trade with the caravan... I wonder if they'll take spare migrants... I bet I could put a nice spin on that... "GETCHUR MIGRANTS HERE, UP TO 50% OFF! ADDED BONUS: FREE STEAK KNIVES!" Bahahaha, they'll never guess the steak knives are made of paper.
12th Moonstone, Early WinterIt's only worth 6000 bucks! I've stolen booze worth more than that! Still, it's a nice door... Might look good on my golden mansion... "Splashspun the Decisive Confederation"... now that's a name you can toast to! ...That reminds me, where's my slaves? I want more fine wine.
On another note... Forumites from the mountainhome appear to be "too good" for the slave trade. Oh well, no issue, I'll just steal back what I sold them and sell it a second time! That's right, baby! Nobody messes with the T D! Denber all the way!
... You know... If I treated my slaves with a bit more respect, I might be able to teach them a thing or two about thievery... Imagine what we could steal THEN... Imagine - a whole country full of stolen fortresses, all belonging to me! And all I have to do is sign a paper to approve a school to educate my servants in the fine art of thievery. What's that? Bribe them to do my dirty work? Never! "Bribe" is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion" - the "X" makes it sound cool.
Eh, then again, too much effort. I support and oppose many things, but not strongly enough to pick up a pen.
23rd Moonstone, Early WinterDammit! Those meatbag merchants left before I could hoist more worthless goods on 'em. I wanted them to stay - there were still so many things I don't own! Still... I got me a lolcat. And some gray langnurs killed one of the fleeing forumite oxen! Booyah, baby! Stolen goods! Ain't nothin' better! Y'know, maybe those langnurs ain't so bad after all! I should hire some as my goons...
The workshops are coming along nicely... My office is already up, too. Mastahcheese keeps pestering me for one of his own, but eh - he can wait. I'm boss, I come first. Muahahaha. He can kiss my shiny dwarven backside! And I still don't have bedrooms for everybody... But I figure that can wait. Digging bedrooms is counter-productive - nobody sleeps on my watch! Except me. I've got nothin' against sleepin' on my own watch.
6th Opal, Mid WinterMastahcheese informs me that the laptop I gave him is worthless - we don't have any electricity. I told him to go get struck by lightning, and that would fix the problem. Bahahaha, would've been beautiful if he'd fallen for it! But he didn't. Instead, he's getting a banhammer. Those things are fricken' heavy.
20th Opal, Mid WinterThe Liaison wouldn't quit following me around... I think he's a cop or something. It's hard to steal when he won't quit pestering you, so I finally sat down and asked him politely, "What the hell do you want, scumbag?" He
claims he just wanted to know what we wanted from the caravan next year. I told him "Mostly booze, but some of everything. Except the dumb stuff, and don't bring any cheap wines. Oh, and bring lots of booze!"
He'd better not forget the booze. I want my booze.
On that note, the dorm idea won't work. I'm giving everybody tiny rooms of their own. Productivity, baby! I think I'm gettin' the hang of this!
Meanwhile, my mansion is... Well... It's not quite done...
Okay, fine! They haven't started on it at all, and I've wanted them to build it for months! I don't get it - why would anybody NOT want to build it for me? What on earth could anyone POSSIBLY HAVE against ME?? I don't understand people sometimes. Or ever. Too complicated. Takes too long. They can all go dig a hole for themselves to fall in or something.
But... Guess what. MY MONUMENT IS COMPLETE! That's right, baby! Screw dorms! Lady Liquor will be pleased with me! In the words of the Archangel Shampain, "Sip swish swish gulp sip swish gulp gulp gulp pouuuuuuurrrrrrrr gulp pouuuuurrrrrr gulp shatter chug chug chug chug chug." I have made a monument to booze! It is beautiful! It shall have floors of gold! And walls of gold! We will be swimming in booze! And I'll BUY my effing merlot like any true gentleman, and spit in the faces of anyone who gets in my way! Booyah, baby! Denber's back! All right! Oh yeah! Go Denber! Go Denber!
Booyah!
And before I Forget, I made Esther1 Archiver. She seems to be doing a... somewhat okay job so far. Not as quick as I'd like, but hey! I'll just cut her wages a bit! Not like she'll notice... Hee hee hee hee hee... Oh, Denber, you are an evil, handsome genius!
19th Obsidian, Late WinterI've been too busy to make an entry. Soap operas don't watch themselves, baby! I want to be an actor someday. But right now, I'm an overseer of a whole fortress. That totally trumps a make-believe role. Booyah!
Strange, though - the miners STILL haven't built my room! I set a place to be channeled out so that we can have a waterfall in our dining room, too. But for SOME REASON nobody's finished that, either. What's worse is that Mastahcheese informed me earlier that my term is almost up. "Term"? "Term"? Baby, I've been here for less than half a year, what do you mean my term is up? Don't I get like four years, or somethin'? Come on, man. Not cool. Heck, I'm Tal Denber! I ought to have THREE terms! Twelve years, baby! But he says nooooo, it was in the contracts I signed, didn't I read them? I told him, "'Course I did, fool? What do you take me for?" Of course I didn't read the fine print, squinting's too much work. Bah, I should've been an actor.
Only half the bedrooms are done, we don't have any spare doors (and I'd rather go sober than make one myself), and my swimming pool froze over? Cheap-o knockoff... I'm sick of it. I'm walling it off. See if I care if we don't have any hot chicks come over next year. I'll just be sittin' in my room... Wait, what? My room STILL isn't finished?
What's up with these people? They seem to be celebrating about how my term's almost up! Esther1 actually just threw a party celebrating it... IN MY DINING ROOM!
Come on, guys... I'm the great Tal Denber! I love parties! What do they mean, I'm not invited! I practically INVENTED parties, baby! And they even got my name wrong on the banner. It's Tal Denber, not Tal Dander... What's up with that, man?
Maybe I'll just take a nap in my room. ... Oh, wait...
1st Granite, Early SpringWell... This is it. I'm officially out of a job... again. Can't tell you how many times this has happened. I finally got my bedroom finished - had to get off my backside and dig it myself. No sooner had I stretched out on my bed than an angry mob came and pounded on my door. I remember when I was part of angry mobs... those were the days. Heck, man, I used to LEAD angry mobs, baby! But now I'm just a loner... My waterfall isn't even finished, and my swimming pool is empy. My shrine to Lady Liquor is gonna have to do without floors of gold. This sucks, man.
But what they don't know... is that the joke's on them... Chumps! Bahahaha, you thought you'd seen the last of me? Hell, no! I'm Tal Denber, baby! And you all can kiss my shiny dwarven backside! I'll be back - may be a week, may be a few years, but you can count on it! Booyah! And oh, guess what? I'm puttin' Sprin, the doc, in charge! He's mad as heck! You'll all wish it'd been me, but too late! Losers! It'll take more than a fortress to convince me to run this place again! Maybe a better bedroom... And a lifetime supply of fine wine, pre-aged a lifetime. Booyah, baby!
See ya later, chumps! Bahahahahahaha!
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Topic: Necrothreat - Teh LOLmod succession fort - PG2 FOR DETAILS (Read 237693 times)