Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Maximum Spin]

According to your patron, if properly configured it can find any of the three. Truly, the ancients were marvels of their craft. You only need the wall thing though.

[King Zultan]

As Altaron ponders the artifact he hears the muffled sound of several explosions above, and while dust and debris falls from the ceiling he realizes that something major's going on above and that it's time to make his move on getting the 'electronic stud finder' from the museum while every one's distracted by whatever's blowing up.

[A_Curious_Cat]

Luckily, he’s versed in multiple forms of toile-portation (including tele-porta-pottation) so he should be able to get there quickly (as long as the museum has the necessary facilities).

[MeimieFan88]

(A wild update appears!)
(I did say updates might be slow at times )

Pondering your patron's words, you feel the hint of a deeper intrigue at play. Over the years, you've become adept at reading your patron's emotions, and Shén dù has never been so... comforting before. "You know something, don't you?..." you state to the dragon spirit glowing ominously before you.

"...YOU HAVE POTENTIAL, ALTARON. AND I HAVE ENEMIES." Shén dù's voice emanates in your mind, cryptic as ever. "THERE ARE SPIRITS WHO WOULD DO MUCH TO GET AHOLD OF YOU, THROUGH WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY... EVEN IF IT MEANS MINDWARPING A COUPLE DOZEN MORTALS." Your eyes widen a bit upon hearing your patron's words. That would mean... it was another spirit that was behind your lovers' stolen memories? Which spirit was it? And are they also connected to your mysterious pursuers?...

"YES, I DO KNOW SOMETHING. THE FRELATHROPE, OR WHATEVER FAMILY HAS HAD ONE OF THEIR SCIONS, OR SO IT SEEMS, RIGHTEOUSLY ACCUSED OF ATTEMPTED MURDER OF ONE STU "BRICK" BRICK JR." Your heart skips a beat upon hearing his name. Someone tried to murder Stu!? You can hardly remain calm as you continue to listen. "SHE WAS FOUND WITH A PENDANT WITH YOUR NAME ON IT. I SUSPECT SHE WAS MINDWARPED. GO INVESTIGATE."

The Frelathrope family... a pendant with your name on it... wait. Could it be her? You suddenly remember another lover of yours - a young woman named Frederica Frelathrope, no wait, Frelanthorpe, as she would often irritatedly remind you and everyone else who constantly mis-remembered her surname. You met her years ago at an Otterball match where you were spectating Stu play. You and her ended up becoming close, enough for you to give her a pendant with your name on it. You haven't heard from Frederica in quite some time now, but it had to be her, considering the pendant. She was mindwarped and tried to murder Stu!? This is getting way out of hand! You've got to find them and clear this up. But even if you did find them, they wouldn't even remember you, would they?...

You let out a deeply troubled sigh as you contemplate your options. With so many of your lovers out of commission, you decide that you must instead rely upon the bedrock of stalwart friendship! And so, you begin to formulate a plan to escape this city for the security of the stronghold belonging to your lifelong best friend and occasional friendly love rival, the ice wizard Dagorm Holmgundr. Along with the third member of your old academy crew, Cherry Grimwine the glass witch, who is currently unfortunately temporarily undead, Dagorm is the person you can trust most in the world, which is why you previously prepared escape tunnels from the secret sewer caverns to the Holmgundr estate against just such a possibility as this.

Unfortunately, the tunnels are protected by powerful charms, and even finding them, let alone opening them, will require access to certain mystical items and rare (and illegal) materials from the city above... the first of which is an object known as the "electronic stud finder", fabled to be able to detect hollow openings in walls even through the strongest illusion magic. There is, however, some uncertainty to this as scholars have been arguing for years over whether the "electronic stud finder" finds hollow openings in walls, or whether it finds sexually attractive male 'video game characters', or (as a few have argued) it finds horses made out of lightning that are especially valuable for breeding more horses made out of lightning. As it turns out, according to your patron, the item can be configured to find any of the tree - truly, the ancients were marvels of their craft. You only need the wall thing though.

As you ponder the artifact, you suddenly hear the muffled sound of several explosions above. Dust and debris begins to fall from the ceiling - something major seems to be going on above, and you decide it's time you make your move on the museum while the rest of the city is distracted by the commotions. Luckily, you are versed in multiple forms of toile-portation (including tele-porta-pottation), as you begin channeling your energies, preparing to travel to the museum's facilities.

The dark dank sewers around you soon meld into the dark dank museum lavatory, as you note that your toile-portation was a success. Focusing on your mission, you proceed to the lavatory's exit, and soon find yourself in the museum's grand lobby, several wings of exhibits extending in various directions, with a colossal statue at its center. Nobody else seems to be around, likely distracted by whatever is happening outside, as you find yourself alone with the pieces of history and culture on display all about.

You survey around discerningly. Now, where could that electronic stud finder be?...

Spoiler: Character info (click to show/hide)

Altaron

Inventory:
- Love letter from Stu Brick Jr.
- Rune Orb (equipped)
- Dragonflame Talisman (equipped)

[Maximum Spin]

The ancient artefacts exhibit is on the next floor, just past the "history brought to life" zombie dinosaur showroom for children and right across from "execution methods through the ages". You probably need to swing by the security office to grab some keys first though. Make sure to dodge the traps.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

The ancient artefacts exhibit is on the next floor, just past the "history brought to life" zombie dinosaur showroom for children and right across from "execution methods through the ages". You probably need to swing by the security office to grab some keys first though. Make sure to dodge the traps.

+1
Especially since someone was deranged enough to make the security office out of wood and install flame hexes. What could possibly go wrong there?

[A_Curious_Cat]

The ancient artefacts exhibit is on the next floor, just past the "history brought to life" zombie dinosaur showroom for children and right across from "execution methods through the ages". You probably need to swing by the security office to grab some keys first though. Make sure to dodge the traps.

+1
Especially since someone was deranged enough to make the security office out of wood and install flame hexes. What could possibly go wrong there?

And then there are the Traps:  fake security offices lining the hallway with the real security office that are filled to the ceiling with some sort of flammable “rock oil”.  Opening one of their doors will flood the hallway with there contents *and* set off the flame hexes.  Luckily, they can be easily recognized by the fact that they are made out of rock.  Of course, you first have to get past the other “traps”:  a set of stairs made of volcanic rock that lead to the aforementioned hallway.  They don’t exactly have a reputation for being the safest stairs.  At least those two guards that everyone mistakes for women are probably gone home for the night.

[King Zultan]

The ancient artefacts exhibit is on the next floor, just past the "history brought to life" zombie dinosaur showroom for children and right across from "execution methods through the ages". You probably need to swing by the security office to grab some keys first though. Make sure to dodge the traps.

+1
Especially since someone was deranged enough to make the security office out of wood and install flame hexes. What could possibly go wrong there?

And then there are the Traps:  fake security offices lining the hallway with the real security office that are filled to the ceiling with some sort of flammable “rock oil”.  Opening one of their doors will flood the hallway with there contents *and* set off the flame hexes.  Luckily, they can be easily recognized by the fact that they are made out of rock.  Of course, you first have to get past the other “traps”:  a set of stairs made of volcanic rock that lead to the aforementioned hallway.  They don’t exactly have a reputation for being the safest stairs.  At least those two guards that everyone mistakes for women are probably gone home for the night.

You guys are forgetting the most important trap in the entire place the room filled with levitating unsalted peanuts, truly a terrifying place.

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

You guys are forgetting the most important trap in the entire place the room filled with levitating unsalted peanuts, truly a terrifying place.

It's a terrifying place because the peanuts are salt vampires. Touch one and you've been desalted, and as you know from your biology class, being desalted is bad for your health.

[A_Curious_Cat]

You guys are forgetting the most important trap in the entire place the room filled with levitating unsalted peanuts, truly a terrifying place.

It's a terrifying place because the peanuts are salt vampires. Touch one and you've been desalted, and as you know from your biology class, being desalted is bad for your health.

But wouldn’t touching an unsalted peanut and getting desalted make the peanut a salted peanut?  What happens when an unsalted and a salted peanut touch each other?

[IncompetentFortressMaker]

But wouldn’t touching an unsalted peanut and getting desalted make the peanut a salted peanut?

Only temporarily, since the peanuts are salt sinks and quickly lose salt.

What happens when an unsalted and a salted peanut touch each other?

Good question. Hopefully not an XK-class scenario, because I'm really not sure. Physics is wonky, y'know.

[Maximum Spin]

The peanuts are psychically linked to each other and to their home planet of Pea...nus. No. No, uh, how about... Unsaltius. Any salt is quickly distributed throughout the whole network. It would take more salt than this entire world contains to kill them all.

[King Zultan]

No one knows how the unsalted peanuts came to be here and people are terrified of them because they can appear anywhere and at anytime, one never knows where they might be next. The only way to protect a room or building from them is to have a desaltifier installed.

[MeimieFan88]

Your searching gaze takes in the dark empty halls of the museum, ultimately arriving at the hazardous orange glow around a far corner. Pensively you step toward it, readying yourself for the gauntlet ahead. Your first stop - the security office, mired in traps ranging from flame hexes to volcanic stairs, and the most terrifying of all - a room filled with levitating unsalted peanuts. One can only ever hope they don't cross paths with the nightmarish legumes.

Pushing away such disconcerting thoughts from your mind, you step into the infernal glow of your first obstacle - the set of stairs made of volcanic rock leading up to the hallway where the security office is located. Bubbling, molten ooze slowly cascades down the contour of the staircase like a colossal hellish tongue, inviting any to dare tread toward its hungering maw. At least those two guards that everyone mistakes for women are nowhere in sight.

Your hand finds the ornate amulet around your neck, beseeching the protection of your patron. Shén dù's power begins to course through you from the Dragonflame Talisman, and soon you feel yourself to be as impervious to fire as a dragon would be. You take your first step on the scorching steps, the sizzle of boot against magma only a mild discomfort thanks to your patron's blessing. One step after another, you make your way up the stairs, your focus singular.

Embers crunch against the blackened floor as you arrive at the top of the stairs and peer into the foreboding darkness ahead. A hallway stretches out before you, cryptic symbols scrawled along the walls, glowing fiery red. Doors spaced evenly populate the hall, each more identical than the last. You know well enough what awaits you should you open the wrong one. Thankfully, there is one flaw to this devious design, for you know that the real security office is made entirely of wood, while the false ones are necessarily made out of rock. Peering down the aisle, your eyes catch the earthy hint of wood, and you begin treading towards it.

Arriving in front of the large wooden door, you examine the glowing symbols strewn about its perimeter. Flame hexes; each a hair trigger away from a devastating outcome. With your patron's protection, it is not so much yourself that you worry about, but the integrity of the security office itself, from which you must extract the keys. Curse whoever was deranged enough to make the office out of wood and install flame hexes. This would require flawless precision and delicacy.

You take out your Rune Orb, nearing it towards the hexes, azure glows mingling with crimson. Studying the trace signatures of the hexes, you are able to bend and relink the magical configurations of the hexes, defusing each one methodically. A drop of sweat rolls down your head, but you keep your focus steady, and soon you've disarmed the last one. Your grip meets the door handle, and slowly you turn, and push…

The room opens before you, as an object flows by your vision, and for the first time fear strikes your heart. Peanuts. Unsalted ones. The room is filled with them; malicious little salt vampires floating about in deathlike silence. Nobody knows why the peanuts came here from their home planet of Unsaltius, but some brave scholars who have dared study them have conjectured that they seek to slowly annihilate all salt from the universe and make everything as unsalted as they are. A truly horrifying contemplation.

Across the perilous salt-deprived space, you spot the shine of the keys you seek, resting on a table. You press yourself to proceed but a twitch is all you can manage, feeling petrified by the myriad levitating pellets of unsalted death staring at you from the darkness like ghostly eyes. In the face of this daunting obstacle, your journey seems to hit an impasse, as you strain to devise a way past without being desalinated in horrific fashion.

Spoiler: Character info (click to show/hide)

Altaron

Inventory:
- Love letter from Stu Brick Jr.
- Rune Orb (equipped)
- Dragonflame Talisman (equipped)

[King Zultan]

The only way to protect oneself from the salt stealing peanuts is to wear a salt retention suit, but the suit will most likely be stored very far from the room with the unsalted peanuts for security reasons. It is most likely will be hidden in a safe in the basement of the museum, now that you think about it you probably should have gone there first.