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[wierd]

1

Your name is Markus Swanson, though your friends call you Mark. You've been looking through the IKEA for a good new desk for your computer, which you wouldn't have thought would be difficult, but the map on the sign doesn't seem to actually lead you to a living room display. Maybe you could just go down to the aisle section and just pick anything, but you're really not in a hurry, you guess. Maybe you could even go for the meatballs they sell here.

...If you can find it. You feel like you've passed through more rooms than you remember the IKEA has last time you were here with your ex. And you could've sworn the maps looks different every time you look at one. But that can't be right, can't it?

You consider just giving in and asking for any employee to just come help you, when you also suddenly realized that you can't find anyone. The IKEA is eerily silent save for the low purr of the central heating. No, that's not right, you can still hear people walking around. Just you can't see any.

You consider your plight, and feel a little freaked out as you spend more time walking around looking for the source of those footsteps, only to find no one. Maybe you should shout for someone to come help you? Would that get you arrested for disturbing the peace?

>_

Check wristwatch/cellphone for the current time.

You are expecting to FINALLY have somebody over, given the recent year and a half pandemic, and the computer desk situation is rather important, given the work from home conditions you are now working under.  The meatballs sound awesome, since you have been eating nothing but TV dinners for months, ever since you broke up with your Ex.

It is rather important to you that you get the flatpack furniture and get home quickly, lest you miss this rare opportunity for human contact.

[King Zultan]

Check wristwatch/cellphone for the current time.

You are expecting to FINALLY have somebody over, given the recent year and a half pandemic, and the computer desk situation is rather important, given the work from home conditions you are now working under.  The meatballs sound awesome, since you have been eating nothing but TV dinners for months, ever since you broke up with your Ex.

It is rather important to you that you get the flatpack furniture and get home quickly, lest you miss this rare opportunity for human contact.

+1

[hops]

2

You bring up your phone and check  the time, it's around half past three in the afternoon. You have plenty of time before you need to go home, but you're still hoping you'd at least locate some of the furnitures you were looking for by now. You're absolutely inundated by tables and chairs around here! Just... not the type that you want. Not to mention you still can't seem to find any employees around. Or any other customers, come to think of it. That's pretty weird, given that earlier there wwere some people around. You know, as furniture stores tend to have.

You take a few pictures with your phone, the eerie atmosphere of the deserted-seeming IKEA reminding you of that video you saw about liminal spaces. Then you continue on your way to find... a large pool of meatballs and lingonberry juice in the middle of yet another bedroom display. Where are all the employees?

>_

[wierd]

If you cannot find a store human to assist you in locating appropriate flatpack funishings--

Return to the exit, as the cash registers should be there. The store employees should be able to page for one of the obvliously short-supply (but high demand) customer associates to come assist you.

If we are unable to find the exit, turn on the phone's GPS. It should give us a pointing direction, and a silhouette of the building.  We can at least know we are heading in the correct general direction of the checkouts.

(hehehehe.)

[VoidSlayer]

Yeah a lot of places are short staffed these days what with the economy or something.  Registers would be a good idea, maybe the overhead signs can help?

[King Zultan]

To the registers!

[hops]

3

You decide that you're not going to have any luck searching for an employee- well, a "customer associate", but you could instead go to the registers instead. After all, it's not like the IKEA is closed, there has to be someone at the registers, right?

After briefly consulting the map on a sign, you head off to where it says the exit should be. You notice you have seen a lot of map signs than usual from your previous visit to this IKEA with your ex. Weird. Maybe people have been getting lost after they renovated. You sure are getting lost.

You would keep following the map, too, except where a hallway should lead to another hallway in a corner, it leads to the restrooms. You're starting to think these maps might not be entirely correct...

But it looks like your efforts didn't go to waste after all! You see an employee standing near the entrance of the women's toilet. They're, uh, apparently leaning on the wall. Face-first. Mumbling something. Also, they're wearing some kind of striped hood the same pattern and color as their uniform, covering their head.

[VoidSlayer]

Poor guy must have had a hard day or some other customer chewed him out.  Ive had days like that!

Especially with that weird uniform.

Anyway ask politely if they can give us directions?

[King Zultan]

Poor guy must have had a hard day or some other customer chewed him out.  Ive had days like that!

Especially with that weird uniform.

Anyway ask politely if they can give us directions?

+1 Time for friendship!

[hops]

4

You approach the employee and tries to get their attention with an "Um," hoping that they're not in the middle of a breakdown or something like that. You've worked retail before.

"Hello? I'm a little lost, could you point me to the..." you trail off as the employee starts to mumble louder, quite loud, in fact, that you have to take a step back. It doesn't sound like English.

"...Att dö drömmarna i den bleka..." they drone in a flat, yet loud voice, as if their voice came from a loudspeaker.

You have a feeling this person is not okay.

[Foxite]

Definitely not okay, at least Deepl doesn't make it sound like they're okay.

Do they appear strange in any way? Proportions, face, the voice? Aside from the volume, of course.

[wierd]

Offer sympathy for the existential horror the retail worker must be experiencing.

Let them know it's OK, they can take their time. Suggest getting meatballs on the way, you'll pay.

[King Zultan]

+1 To the above things as we are here for friendship and emotional support!

[hops]

5

You notice that the person seems to be very, very pale, judging from their arms. And also a little bruised. That's concerning.

"Um, hey, buddy? I don't know what happened, but you looked like you- what the hell!?" You jump back as their arms thumped to the floors, while the rest of their torso remained immobile. That is to say, their arms just lengthened out like a pair of fleshy pool-noodles.

Even though you still haven't processed what you're seeing, you step back instinctively as the hands shoot up and apparently try to grab you. They twirl and twist unnaturally along each other, as if forming some kind of avant-garde art piece, before extending towards you again with fingers that now look suspiciously like claws.

"-ensam var under den enda anledningen att vara honung sjöng-"

Oh yeah, and they- it is still monologuing.

[wierd]

While the pandemic has certainly taken its toll on basically everyone, this is very unexpected and disconcerting. 

Apparently the hiring situation is worse than you thought, and IKEA is scraping the bottom of the barrel, and hiring whoever-- or.... whatever.... happens to come through the door.

You file this away under "Will definitely write a scathing review online later", while dodging the unhinged "Customer associate". 


You do your best to be polite to the associate, and tell them it will be OK, you can try again on your own to find the computer desk, and to please enjoy their break, you wont bother them further.