Eilyth"...I don't get it. Why am I so empty?" Her eyes scanned the letter once more before she listlessly dropped it to the side. She really should've been happy. The bitch was dead, she had won by default. Sure it wasn't anywhere near as satisfying as doing it herself, of seeing Brienne's eyes mirror even a fraction of the pain and fear she'd endured her whole childhood. But she had won.
Or had she? Ten long years she'd spent on this. Ten long years carefully plotting, nigh on fantasizing, about how she would finally slay the wicked witch. And just like that, all that time and energy was rendered moot by an unforeseeable roll of the dice. And what had she gained for her troubles?
"Nothing..." she whispered, "I spent all this time obsessing over it, and in the end I didn't even get to do it myself. A decade of my pathetic life, wasted in an instant. Ironic, isn't it Amicus?"
There was no response. Her weapon sat as inanimate as always. She didn't care, the question had been entirely rhetorical.
"Even so, I should be glad. Even if I didn't get to take her out, that's one less for me to deal with. But I'm just empty now. Wasn't this what I always wanted?"
Wasn't it? If so, why had this been the first time in a while she'd actually thought about it? Not terribly long ago she couldn't have gone a day without reflecting on her mission, her self-assumed purpose. But ever since that battle with the Dame Supreme, she'd seemed to have gradually neglected that daily- sometimes hourly -ritual without even noticing. Memories of all that had happened in these past few months flickered by. Leah and Patricia coming back to save her. How terrified she'd been for them, how much she had felt obligated to protect them in turn. Her accepting Brigitte as her one and only sister. Being asked to be the Beloved and seeing all their faces at the wedding. How angry she had gotten when she'd been forbidden from fighting alongside her meisters. The unlikely friendship that had been sparked by Vulgara pulling her aside and giving her a desperately needed reality check.
"...Wasn't it?" She shook her head even as she weakly whispered the question one last time. She remembered how she had felt as a little girl. All the times she had spent scared, helpless and alone. Those days felt so far away now. Like a different life altogether in some ways. "No. no... it
wasn't what I wanted. It was just what I
settled for because I could never have what I
really wanted. But that.. was then. This is now."
She took a deep breath to steady herself, and folded the letter before tucking it away in her pocket. Then she set about her business again.
"I don't need to settle for revenge anymore. The rest of you sorry bitches can spend the rest of your lives wallowing in misery, but I'm done."