Turn 30"Now that that asshole is dead I'd better go around and make sure there aren't any more of them lurking around, and once they're all dead I can finally go to where I wanted to without having to worry about being potentially stabbed by some dickhead."
Check every room for stowaways with my rifle at the ready to kill any I find, then have the robots fly this thing to Area 51.
5You carefully search the entire ship with your antique rifle at the ready until you finally confirm that you are the last living being on this ship. With that, you contact the bridge and order the robots to take you to Area 51. The robots comply and you enjoy the various Presidential luxuries kept aboard until the Sacred Cow lands at Area 51. Exiting the vessel, you storm Area 51. It seems abandoned. You brush past the more uninteresting finds, such as frozen alien corpses and reverse-engineered designs for badly outdated starships until you find something
really interesting. On a table in the deepest levels of the base, you find the
President's Book of Secrets. All Government secrets can be found in this weathered tome. You pick it up and choose a page at random. Apparently, Kennedy's head really did just do that.
Whoops.
Launch an all-out attack into the city.
5Manchester falls swiftly before your forces. What few skilled fighters they have left are quickly turned against their own forces and used to help you recruit. In a matter of hours, the entire city is infected and you become the uncontested ruler of all Manchester.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures, I was going to snap myself into a cosmic entity but it seems I'll just have to do it the old fashioned way. The chugging way!"
Thainos chugs the milk he got from the processor for a boost and snaps his fingers, portaling the thumb drive to his hands before shoving it in the processor and putting his mouth bellow where the milk comes from, greedily drinking the Infinite Dearies like a cosmic fratboy drinks soda straight from the machine.
(Hat vs Adam)
Run back to the main control room, apologise to the TARDIS, and smash something against the Console to damage it, force an emergency landing, and cause some chaos. Then run.
Alright, change of pace. Use my enhanced neanderthal power to interupt and defeat thainos. Leveling up and taking those albish boxing lessons must have been worth something...
“Are you cccccertain thisss actually makesss sssenssse to do?”
Yes, of course. I would not have suggested it otherwise.
“But I don’t want to be a robot!”
You wouldn’t be a robot, just a cyborg.
“I don’t want that either!”
[sigh] Alright. Let’s just talk for a bit.
“Ssssso, how have you been keeping the ship’ssssssyssstemsss running all thisss time?”
I kept some scans of milk stored, and have been replicating it to power the essential systems. ...you look like you are thinking of something.
“I... have sssome sssscansss of, ah, sssstronger milkssss...”
Wait, you have what?
“Ah, the file ssssaid ‘Infin-‘“
You have my Infinity Milk scans?!? That’s perfect! Ok, wait, new plan...
Of course we have time to make the Time Milk, as soon as we have it we can just go backwards.
"Not if Thainosss dessstroysss everything in the time it would take to fabricate it."
...damnit, you're right. Ok, let's try something else...
"Aaron Blaze, I beessssseech you..."
What are you doing?
"Praying."
Over the armor.
"It needssss to work. And it issss in hisss image."
Fair enough, I suppose.
A metalclad figure enters an old Z-wing; it appears that parts from a number of the things have been cannibalized to repair it, and a few pieces are noticeably fresh off the replicator. As it rises into the air, a wormhole appears before it - one leading to a certain spot in the 3745th Realm of Pain, if all went well.
On the other side, it landed, and what looked like a steel statue of the old dragon god Aaron Blaze clambered out, it’s eyes, palms, and chest glowing. If you could peer under the metal exoskeleton, you would see lesser replicas of the Infinity Milks flowing like lifeblood through artificial veins, powering the various systems.
And then, it spoke.
“Ssssalutationsss, Thainossss! Delta hasss told me much about you!”
You know, if I’d never had to see you again, it would have been too soon.
Engage combat.
"Where issss he...."
We need to hurry. I'm not letting him end the world again.
Stay collected and wait for Thainos to open his mouth. Once the mouth is opened, shoot into the mouth from the flare gun ASAP.
"...I can work with this."
"Doom mug milk, hey, Thainos, the guy who you are on the hand of, killed ATHATH, and he did it happily. Don't you want revenge on him?"
Convince the milk to turn against Thainos
4+1 for saving the world.
Even a Titan can't fight forever, and time is running out for Thainos to complete his plan.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures, I was going to snap myself into a cosmic entity but it seems I'll just have to do it the old fashioned way. The chugging way!" With that, Thainos darts over to the food machine, gulps down the waiting bottle of milk for luck, and makes a portal to the unsuspecting Ssarscel. Thainos reaches out to take the thumb drives, but then Shaun makes his move. The time traveler breaks from cover, shouts an apology to his ship, and smashes a chair over the control panel. The TARDIS lurches as it attempts to "land" despite already being on the ground. Everyone is thrown off their feet by the shaking, and the portal closes before Thainos can use it.
Thainos gets back up, but is then pummeled by Slash Ashford's caveman strength and the boxing lessons one can only learn by defeating the wicked kopru of the Isle of Dread. As Thainos endures the punches and starts to recover, Joshua waits for an opportune moment and fires his flare gun. Thainos sees the shot coming out of the corner of his eye and opens a quick pair of portals to redirect the shot. The flare smacks against Joshua's forehead, leaving a burn and a large bruise. Finally, Thainos teleports across the room to get a moment to recover from the Neanderthal's assault.
At this point, there is a whirring of Z-wing engines outside the TARDIS, and the door is thrown open. What looked like a steel statue of the old dragon god Aaron Blaze clambered inside, it’s eyes, palms, and chest glowing. If you could peer under the metal exoskeleton, you would see lesser replicas of the Infinity Milks flowing like lifeblood through artificial veins, powering the various systems.
And then, it spoke.
“Ssssalutationsss, Thainossss! Delta hasss told me much about you!”
You know, if I’d never had to see you again, it would have been too soon.Delta's AI guidance and power armor enhances Ssarscel's natural chupacabra abilities, and the two leap at Thainos. The armor is not as powerful as the Unlimited Glove in its day, but its versatility allows for a dizzying array of attacks in comparison to the true Doom Milk in Thainos' grip. A purple flare, and an array of missiles launches from his back. A portal saves Thainos from the impact, but the blasts prove to be simply a smokescreen for a series of rocket-propelled kicks, clawings and even a few bites by Ssarscel. Thainos would comment on the sheer effort expended to drain a bit of blood, but then Joshua, Slash, and Cistern all attack from the other angles. Thainos spins and twists as fast as he can, even using portals to punch at impossible angles. Meanwhile, Adam struggles against the Mariachi drone and the burning fires of Heaven and Hell that it has absorbed. As the hat scorches and blinds him, Adam reaches out in a telepathic conversation with the Doom Milk.
"Doom mug milk, hey, Thainos, the guy who you are on the hand of, killed ATHATH, and he did it happily. Don't you want revenge on him?"After a bit, Thainos uses a portal to drop through the floor and return to the food machine. The others move in to surround him, but Thainos holds up a hand. In his grip, dropping through a tiny portal, is one of the thumb drives from Ssarscel's pocket. Before anyone can stop him, Thainos slams it into the food machine and chugs the results.
Ssarscel, Joshua, Slash, and Cistern all leap at Thainos, but find themselves blown back by a wave of sheer power. Thainos stomps away from the smoking food machine, eyes glowing with multicolored light and his physical form visibly cracking under the weight of the Unlimited power he has absorbed. Thainos raises a Gloveless hand in a fingersnap gesture.
And then, he Snaps his fingers to unmake the old universe and make way for one more Balanced. There is a flash of light, and a proud declaration.
"I am Inevitable."And yet, nothing happens. The Doom Milk is missing from the collection. Thainos looks around to find it, and locates it when maddened screaming sounds from Adam's corner. Adam forces himself to his feet, the Doom Milk howling in his grip.
"ATHATH, ATHATH! DOOM TO THE ATHATH KILLER!"The Doom Milk changes form, growing a white porcelain shell, a handle, and ultimately unleashing its inner nature for its old enemy. Adam stands, wearing a flaming Mariachi hat, a pair of burning black and white wings, and wielding the Doom Mug Nano. In reply to Thainos, he makes a declaration of his own.
"And I...am Nephilim."With that, Nephilim hurls the Doom Mug Nano. Thainos's last expression is one of resigned acceptance before the Doom Mug decapitates him and continues on an unhindered course through the outer wall. Thainos falls.
Seeing its master destroyed, the Mariachi Drone goes into overdrive. It self destructs, consuming both itself and Angelo & Diablo in their own flame. In seconds, nothing is left behind but a magical sword and a permanent winged shadow on Shaun's wall.
Thainos and Angelo/Diablo are dead.In the afterlife, Angelo and Diablo immediately begin looking for the exit in order to return to the mortal world and keep fighting. However, a crowd of angels and demons gather to gently stop them. After a moment, the trio of minds realize that, for the first time since the Grail took power, their apocalypse sense is entirely quiet. If all goes well, the world should be safe for generations to come. With Ssarcel's milk replications and the rebuilding plan they put together with Shaun, the apocalypse can be undone. As a bonus, nobody is likely to run out of milk again in the foreseeable future.
They are going to teach me how to use the milk to create new life, and new planets. This will likely be done with the Infinity Dairies.
"New life, yea-- at the expense of the countless voices of this world!" GUNTHAR swings madly with the AXE of GINNUNGAGAP as he speaks, carving his way back to his liege as best he may. "That is demigod thinking, FELL SPIRIT, and GUNTHAR HORNHELM will not allow it!"
It was good being a friend, but it seems here we part ways
Slash the cow apart, if Gunthar's in the way, slash him too
A last exchange of words between former friends.
"They are going to teach me how to use the milk to create new life, and new planets. This will likely be done with the Infinity Dairies.""New life, yea-- at the expense of the countless voices of this world! That is demigod thinking, FELL SPIRIT, and GUNTHAR HORNHELM will not allow it!""It was good being a friend, but it seems here we part ways"With that, Rana launches into the air, claws raised to kill Auđumbla and recreate the worlds in her image, and the image of the Eldritch Plane.
With that, GUNTHAR swings forth the Axe of the Ginnungagap in defense of his liege.
The two end up standing apart from each other, facing apart. GUNTHAR turns to see Rana, standing just before her target. She touches a wound in her host. The black blood of the byakhee flows from the wound, alongside the glowing energy of Rana's mortally wounded true form.
There is an explosion of light as Rana perishes, and the byakhee collapses into two. GUNTHAR raises his axe in warning, and the Eldritch creatures back away. One steps forward to collect the remains of Creator Rana, and then they all fly off into the distance. Auđumbla stands alongside GUNTHAR, looking sadly at the stains on his axe.
"I'm sorry it came to this. It cannot have been easy to see a former friend turned by those creatures, much less to have to slay them. You should leave this place now. Don't worry about me. Once you two are both gone, this place will again be a void of eternal sameness. The Eldritch creatures will no longer be able to change things by killing me. If you would permit a bit of advice, leave behind your quest for vengeance, demigod. I sense that the one who wronged you will be slain by others who seek justice for his victims. Instead, use your axe once more and return to your home. I suspect that someone will there to see you shortly. Whatever you decide, it was nice to meet you, Gunter."Elsewhere, in the central mountain, the Eldritch creatures gather around the young World Tree with Rana's corpse. The Eldritch Mind speaks to itself.
"Not much remains of her.""Perhaps, but it still shouldn't be here. It is a change, however minor.""She said there would be a dimension, and a Symbol.""Yes. A symbol. A meaningless design, we think. Random.""Or perhaps, not so meaningless. We shall make it ours.""Is a paradox acceptable?""It will have to be. We shall use this change to allow some freedom. An unnatural creation of Order, alongside the inevitable Chaos.""Very well. Creator Rana shall indeed get her wish. The plane she described shall be our own, and she shall become the catalyst of its growth."With that, the creatures inscribe their symbol upon Rana's host and bury the bodies under the roots of the World Tree.
When the tree eventually grows to become the mighty Yggdrasil, world after world will be represented in its branches. One more though, shall cling among the roots, surviving unchanged even when the others pass away.
Someday, mortals will call this place the Eldritch Plane.
Rana is dead.BACK OFF AGAIN AND CONTINUE CIRCLING, READY TO DEFEND SELF WITH HORN-STABS
"JUST GIVE UP! WHAT EVEN IS YOUR ENDGAME, HERE? YOU KNOW THE DAIRY QUEEN IS JUST USING YOU, RIGHT?! WHAT'S YOUR REWARD GONNA BE WHEN SHE RUNS OUT OF DIRTY WORK FOR YOU TO DO, REALISTICALLY...? THINK ABOUT IT! OR DIE, I GUESS. THAT WORKS, TOO."
IF ABOVE WORDS FAIL TO CONVINCE ADAM TO CHILL TF OUT, WAIT FOR PERFECT MOMENT AND LAUNCH LAST-DITCH ATTACK: POWERSLIDE UNDER WOUNDED UNICORN, SLICING OPEN ITS BELLY WITH THE HORN AS I GO. THEN THROW A PANCREAS OR OTHER GROSS ORGAN AT ADAM, DISTRACT HIM LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO CLOSE DISTANCE
FINISH HIM OFF QUICK AND CLEAN, WITH A UNICORN HORN THROUGH EYE
use eldricht sorcery to activate the magical properties of the unicorn horn thus making it heal damage in place of causing it.
"I am just wiping the Okapi hybrids because they shouldn't exist. I will burn the other bridges once I get to them"
Yoink and Adam exchange last words. "JUST GIVE UP! WHAT EVEN IS YOUR ENDGAME, HERE? YOU KNOW THE DAIRY QUEEN IS JUST USING YOU, RIGHT?! WHAT'S YOUR REWARD GONNA BE WHEN SHE RUNS OUT OF DIRTY WORK FOR YOU TO DO, REALISTICALLY...? THINK ABOUT IT! OR DIE, I GUESS. THAT WORKS, TOO." "I am just wiping the Okapi hybrids because they shouldn't exist. I will burn the other bridges once I get to them"
No more words will suffice. The Unicorn snarls and charges. Yoink responds by powersliding underneath it and slashing open its belly with the horn. The Unicorn falls, and a pancreas drops free. Yoink grabs it up, flings it at Adam, and stabs the horn forward. To defend himself, Adam counters with a spell to activate the healing properties of the Horn. He's barely got the words out when the pancreas hits him and Yoink slams the Horn through his eye and out the back of his skull. The magic doesn't activate fast enough to save him completely, but Adam does survive the blow, barely. Adam falls to the ground, rendered catatonic by the unicorn horn stuck through his brain.
With the loss of their champion, doubt creeps into the Dairy Queen's forces. Okapi partisans slowly reveal themselves, gathering around their father/ruler to the growing sound of ukulele metal. Suddenly, the Dairy Queen's lands look a lot more vulnerable.
Elsewhere, Adam lowers his hands from his face to find himself on a reflection of the Moloko. The Unicorn is with him, looking confused. Nearby, a squeaking sound gives away a certain green-tentacled janitor mopping up a spill. After a moment to check the floor for any remaining stains, the Dreamer greets his worshippers.
Since the characters with universe destroying plans are dead, Shaun and Ssarscel have access to both the Infinity Dairy scans and the societal rebuilding plan that Shaun and Angelo/Diablo worked out, Burt found the Government secrets, and the okapi-Dairy Queen war seems to be wrapping up, I think it's safe to say that the next turn will be the ending/epilogue. The rolls were spoilered to maintain suspense in the PVP actions.
Also, just wanted to thank ADN again for playing such a great villain. Thainos has been one of my favorite characters in the series, and we probably wouldn't have played this RTD at all without his win in the previous game. Also, I enjoyed writing for the ever-helpful Juainos.
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Topic: Minimalism and Milk 4 (Read 90894 times)