Turn 9:|
Broadcast both within the Moloko and to the Bazaar: Mayday, mayday! Our vessel has been severely damaged by an onboard nuclear detonation! It is currently set to collide with the Bazaar in [an amount of time equal to two turns]! Immediate action is required, and assistance would be greatly appreciated!
In the meantime, send engibots to begin repairs, and have medibots collect all afflicted crew members to have them treated for whatever caused their psychoses.
1, 4You try sending out the engibots, but a leak from one of the quantum EMP tanks in the engine room fries their programming and causes them to instead sabotage the ship. On a more positive note, the medibots successfully collect the insane crew members and set them up in simulated therapy with accelerated perceived time.
-1 turns to impact. Try to slow down ships fall by changing its mass into negative mass, so it floats up instead of falling THROUGH SCIENCE
Also go find that robot, which stole my milk and TAKE IT BACK
4, 1Of course! You hit the "reverse polarity" hotkey on your terminal to switch the ship over to negative mass. The ship's gravity is reversed away from the Bazaar, although its automated escape boosters and momentum still pose a problem. You then track down what looks like your culprit and fry it with your laser pistol. Unfortunately, it turns out that this was a completely innocent robot that just happened to be carrying a bunch of normal potatoes.
search for milk or roombas whatever is closer.
5You blob around the marketplace and find a strange sight. A Roomba from the ship is whirring through the marketplace. A bag of glowing potatoes drags behind it, held by the vacuum slot. One of the potatoes is damaged by a passing alien's claw. A few droplets of milk fall out as a result.
Pull out my concealed gun and shoot the badger in the chest until the DNA comes out, if that fails or I forgot my gun just run away.
3 to see if you have a gun, 2+1 vs 1+2You draw your concealed super soaker and attempt to blast the honey badger man's DNA out. It's a valiant effort, but his thick skin prevents the DNA from falling off.
Silence: Stares in awe
Silence: Smiles
Silence: Goes up to a person selling a exotic pet
Silence: Points at a random exotic pet
Silence: Takes out something to barter for a exotic pet
(also wondered what ever happened to that cargo monster thing)
3Regarding the Vacuum Vermin.((Hey, that went pretty well! A little too well. Best not to question space cow physiology, I suppose.))
Ah, the afterlife. Yet another frontier for space cow liberation.
Approach the robed human, loudly (in terms of psionic communication) demanding compliance with the Multiversal Declaration of Space Cow Rights. Simultaneously probe his mind to figure out what's going on here.
5, 6You walk up to the human and make your demands. He introduces himself as St. Peter, and assures you that the afterlife was in fact a major power backing the MDSCR's passage into law. As a space cow yourself, you should be entitled to favorable treatment in the hereafter.
As he speaks, you probe his mind. It seems that this is your personal judgment, and St. Peter here is assigned to judge you. As a consequence of this, he knows everything about your life thus far.
Including that one incident you had in the space cow equivalent of middle school.
Jury-rig an emergency platonic milk containment unit so that if the ship crashes, the reactor won't explode.
4You successfully rig the containment unit. The ship and its crew should survive the impact now if it can't be prevented.
AI, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!
Run back to the custodial closet, grab my gas mask and as many filters as I can carry. Gather my tools, mop, kettle, teabags, and mugs, and find a piece of the ship not currently in a state of complete and utter chaos. Then, prepare defenses for a siege. Fight off miscreants with welding equipment if need be. Also, bring the remote controls. Just in case.
1, 3-1, 5-1, 6-1In the confusion, you're unable to find a gas mask or any other major gear. The time taken to do it allows the gas to wear you down more. At least the gas keeps you calm enough to remember to grab the remote controls for one of the ship's emergency shelters. You make it to the shelter and leap inside. At the moment, it looks like the miscreants have already been subdued by the gas and robots, so you're in no immediate danger from them.
Use my power as a security officer to arrest T'zzz as a suspect responsible for the destruction of my room/property.
Go on the bridge, pierce the floor with my Zweihander, then try to stop Moloko from crashing into the Bazaar by pulling the ship with all of my demigod strength.
2 vs 56You try to arrest T'zzz, but it appears he already beamed down to the market and can't be found at the moment.\
After that, you stride onto the ruined bridge, slam down your massive sword, and pull the entire ship up in a heroic defiance of physics. The crash is delayed, but the metal around you shrieks from the strain.
+1 turn to impact, but -1 on rolls to repair the ship.Wait, we're still on hell. Oh well, at least they were unsealed.
Wait for the Seven to continue devouring the walls, until there's a hole big enough for me to escape. I can try to re-summon them when I leave the afterlife.
6You wait patiently for one of the Seven to bite a hole through the wall and slip through between the chomping of endless rows of teeth and the ineffectual retaliation of the demon hordes. On the other side, you float through advanced darkness for what feels like an eternity. Eventually, you spot a light and burrow through. You find yourself on a snowy battlefield underneath the largest tree you've ever seen. Viking warriors skirmish all around you, and women on flying horses are scattered around the sky.
"This ship being about to crash is most inconvenient. How vexing! I must answer that missed call!"
Proceed to my office and call back the President. Use the office replicator to prepare a cup of tea, with two sugars and milk
((yeah, I wanted him unconcious))
5You march right back to your office and whistle up a cup of tea from your deluxe replicator. As you lean back in your starbuck-leather office chair and ring the President of the Dapper Gentlemen's Association, a telltale milky swirl in your tea informs you that
You win the game!
President Washingtonson's voice comes through your antique iPhone XIII, and he greets you with all the customary salutations and formalities.
"Now then, good sir, I'd like an update on your assignment to the Moloko. Tell me, how are things? Have you managed to make the ship any more dapper yet? As you know, the Queen will be needing a new flagship soon, and she can't be having a non-dapper one, now can she?""Take evasive maneuvers! We must evade the planet that's currently rushing towards us!" the Captain says, as he prepares to go down with the ship.
6You take an evasive pattern that does indeed delay the ship's final impact, but causes the ship to rattle violently and further damages repair efforts.
+1 turn to impact, but -1 on rolls to repair the ship.
Unless prevented, the Moloko will crash into the bazaar in 2 turns.
Author
Topic: Minimalism and Milk 3 (Read 136382 times)