Turn 8...
All crew members not convinced that people have milk in them, please move yourselves to an isolated room. Or at least, make sure that you're in a different room from the crazies. I am initiating a brief lockdown for pacification purposes.
Once the relatively sane (a stretch, yes, I know) people have done as instructed, flood the ship with sleep gas, then send out securitybots to restrain any remaining belligerents and apprehend the cow that started this.
Also, broadcast the signal: We are experiencing biological difficulties. Please stand by.
4, 1 vs 6-1You order the sane crewmembers to safety and activate the ship's gas defenses. The insane crew lose consciousness one by one as the gas does its work. You send out securitybots that gather up and imprison the malfunctioning biologicals. An alarm sounds to inform you that something has detonated a high explosive on the bridge. It appears that your robots attempt capture the space cow responsible for the latest crisis ended with the cow detonating a previously hidden mini nuke on the bridge. The damage causes the Moloko to begin plummeting toward the Bazaar. It will be difficult to stop it from impacting without quick assistance from the few crew still standing.
((...So, since I got a 6 result, wouldn't that mean that the eldritch goat unsealing ritual was a success with the overshoot being the destruction of my physical form?))
Either way, ignore the gate and the ferryman. Find the spirit of one of the recently-deceased space cows and use my pheromones to get some ghostly milk. Then use it to perform the ritual, again.
5, 4You find the ghost of one of the space cows that just gave you its milk and explain the situation. The ghosts of your pheromones help you persuade it, and the cow promptly gets you a bottle of ghost milk.
You have (re)-acquired milk!
You then immediately cast the ritual and unleash your seven goat deities in Hell. They rise from the river, upending the boat, and begin gnawing on the walls. The Seven are awake.
T̛̝̙̠h͚͍̙͎e͏̱͖̬̩̹ ̫̤̝̩̖͚̖́S͕̬̯e̙̝̬̮̮̫ṿ͚̘̥͚ͅͅe̴n҉̟̟ ͏ar̗̤̼͢ẹ̬̺̺ a̟̜͈w̦̟̱̯̠̦̩à͈̥͎̖͕͓̭k̠̟̮̩ȩ͈̜̰̱̭.̨
Ţhe̷͠ ̵͝Ş́e͜v̵̢͏e̡n ͏a̸̷r̢͜e̸ ̡a̡҉w̧̧ak͢e.̵͜T̸ͯ̔̒ͬͬ͛̀̌͌ͥ̈͜h̀̓̈ͮ͒̓ͬͩͦͦ̃́è̈̃͢͡ ̶̃̊̉͊ͥ̔̅ͤ͋̄͋̊̃͐ͮ͐̋̕͘͘S̅̉ͥ̿̌ͭ̆̄̆ͬ҉̶͡e̶͆͊̅̚͟v̶̵ͬ͗͌̊ͤ͛ͫ̈́e̵̊̆ͮ͒̔̑̊͟͏n̵̈̓͋ͧ̏͑͌ͤͮ̎̈́͗͋̋̀͜ ͌̒́̂̔ͮ̄̐́̕͜a̡̛ͪ̓ͮ͊ͩͧͤ̅͌̕͜r̆͗ͦ̀̄͘͟͏̛͡e̊̊ͫ̽̽ͮͦ͗̂̏̿̇͠҉ ̶ͩ̐ͥͮ͂̂͛͏a̸̸̡̛̋ͮ̉̒w̨̒ͮ̃͋ͮ̿ͬ̉̃ͩ̑ͫ͐̋̀̂̄̅̉́͢͠aͬ͑͆̋̅̓̀͊͊͋ͣ̉ͣ҉̵k̡̔̓͌̎ͯ͘͡ẽͭ̍ͦ̇̄͑̍ͥ̃͆͌ͤ̔̓͆ͪ͗͌͝҉̷̨.̸̛ͭ͋͗̓ͯ͒̒̽̈ͧ̍ͫ Print myself power armour suit to get + 1 to defensive rolls, then program some bot to go and retrieve me my POTATOES WITH MILK
6, 4+1, 1You make the powered armor, but after donning it you find that it seems to be permanently attached to you. At least the armor protects you from the sleep gas flooding the ship. You send a bot to get you the potatoes, but upon the bot's first sight of your glorious potatoes, it steals them for itself and flees somewhere into the ship.
go into the bazaar and search for Milk.
4You beam down to the bazaar. As a cyborg squid-monster, you fit right in amongst the many aliens shopping here.
Engage in fisticuffs with the scoundrel to disarm him, using my signet rings (that are for official purposes and not just knuckledusters) to beat some sense into the little rogue. If I am succesful, execute relieve him of consciousness for assualting a gentleman of the Queen's Royal Dapper Gentlemen's Association!
(internally) "Hah, the youth of today know nothing of vintage weaponry! That yob will be unable to figure out a mechanical safety, they all tthink it's holographic now! You can hack a dna sensor, but you can't hack steel!"
(I wasn't sure if you actually wanted to execute the guy, so I assumed you didn't. Sorry, I should have PM'd you about that.)
6 vs 2, 4In a remarkable display of skill (if you do say so yourself), you box the miscreant into submission and leave him unconscious on the deck. You're nearly given a taste of your own medicine when the ship's AI then floods the ship with sleeping gas. Your ironclad constitution keeps you awake, however.
Silence: Looks out the window
Silence: Shrugs
Silence: Heads to go to the Bazaar (which almost everyone forgot about)
Silence: Looks around at what they are selling
5Grab all of the DNA that came out of that guy, then go to the bazaar and hit more living things with the hammer and gather all the DNA that comes out.
._.
science!
(Exchange preserved for posterity)
6,6You try to gather up all the DNA that fell out of the guy, but you accidentally destroy most of it. DNA strands are small and fragile, you need tweezers to handle them safely. Nevertheless, you beam down to the Bazaar and start hitting people for DNA. You're working your way through the crowd when someone suddenly turns around and catches your hammer on the way down. From his snarling face and dual-patterned fur, it appears that you have accidentally angered one of the ferocious honey badger people of the Dcoan T're nebula.
((Coin flip: Heads, so I'm sane.))
"Roger that, I'll hide in a toilet and ensure that everyone's safe in there."
Barricade in a toilet, wait until the ship's AI uses the sleep gas, then go to The Bazaar and buy some milk.
2, 5, 5You fail to make it to the toilet in time, but your vitality and endurance keeps you conscious.
Heads, the Captain is also unaffected by the Mo0vian Disinformation.
This in-fighting is unacceptable!
Distribute gas-masks and organize a security detail. In coordination with the ship AI lock-down, confine anyone affected to the brig.
1, 4, 2You give the order for the ceiling-mounted gas masks to be deployed, but a malfunction results in only M0o actually receiving a protective mask. Your security detail is rendered unconscious by the fumes, but you stay conscious. As you're gearing up to leave the bridge, you witness a violent explosion as M0o blows herself up when the securitybots approach. The bridge is badly damaged by the attack and the ship begins to fall.
Assist the AI with pacification measures. All I wanted to do was upgrade the antimatter containment unit...
(Sorry about that. I was hoping you'd get the milk the way you wanted it, the dice just didn't come up that way.)
5Work to pacify the crazies.
5In stark contrast to the chaos elsewhere, Joshua and R15-B15 team up, resist the sleep gas, and efficiently take the sedated madmen to the brig.
Name: Seán Ó’Brían
Description: the Janitor of this sad space shit-hole. Wears a beige jumper and overcoat at all times, as well as enormous hiking boots. Wears a beard which is obviously fake.
Rank (Optional): Janitor.
Why do you want milk?
Seán was going about his business. It was, in fact, a day like any other day. Which is to say it wasn’t a day at all, just another dark period of time in this empty black abyss of space. He decided on this day, after his shift, that he wanted to go and have a nice hot cup of tea. As he brewed the water, fetched the teabag, took out his mug, and poured the water onto the teabag, he went to find some milk to pour into it, and to make the Tea complete. However, there was no milk. That’d be fine, he could just pop down t’th’shops to- no, wait, we’re in fucking space. He gave out a tired sigh, and went to open the door of his unrealistically sized custodial closet to review the current state of the Ship.
Open the door and see where I’m located.
3You are Seán Ó’Brían, the janitor. You open up the custodial closet and go to find out the situation. The ship appears to be in freefall, the bridge has suffered catastrophic damage, most of the crew went insane following a space cow attack, the ship's Roomba contingent briefly lead an uprising, and an eldritch goat tried to free eldritch deities. You are also struggling to stay conscious after the ship's AI releases sleep gas through the vents.
Looks like the ship ran out of milk, then.
Express mournful rage at the fate of my sisters by spontaneously giving birth to an armed mini-nuke. Moo menacingly.
6It seems like the space cow uprising has been defeated, for today. As a final act of vengeance, you give a haunting M0o and grant the miracle of birth to a bouncing baby mini nuke. He looks up at you and happy blurts "MaMa!" Your baby then erupts in a massive explosion that kills you, destroys the bridge, and sends the oppressors' ship hurtling toward the Bazaar.
You awaken to find yourself in an understated waiting room. A clock ticks on the wall, and several discarded magazines lie around on tables near some decent couches. A robed human with a white beard stands at a podium, carefully reading a book. Several ghosts sit on the couches. You recognize several of the space cows among them and also a few of the hated crew of that human ship.
Unless prevented, the Moloko will crash into the bazaar in 2 turns.OOC:
I'm surprised Glass didn't knock out any of the good guys with the sleep gas. I did roll for it, you all just did well on that front.
Express mournful rage at the fate of my sisters by spontaneously giving birth to an armed mini-nuke. Moo menacingly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu7vySQbgXI
lol.
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Topic: Minimalism and Milk 3 (Read 137467 times)