Turn 4 Use console of experimental weapons lab to aim totally safe untested warp rift cannon located in external part of lab and FIRE IT INTO THE THING, WHICH BROKE SCIENCE FABRICATOR, DAMN YOU GOAT
Then go and try to fix damn fabricator
3 vs 5-14You activate the warp rift cannon and fire at the goat monster currently floating around outside. You almost vaporize him, but it rapidly grows fins and flies out of sight. Grimacing with annoyance, you return to the fabricator and get it fixed.
Oh for fuck's sake.
Someone shut down the fucking roombas, somebody's using them to hack the vessel and my systems.
Attempt to regain control of the ship, or at the very least prevent the roombas from having control over it.
3Unable to gain control directly, you launch a DDOS attack on the systems. You haven't managed to get back in, but at least the roombas are cut off too. Shortly thereafter, the efforts of GiantDad and Joshua remove the Roomba threat. It should be safe to reactivate the systems now.
Use my hammer to help me find the space cow, then hit the space cow until DNA comes out but not hard enough to kill it.
1, 5-1, 4+2 vs 6You attempt to draw power from the hammer, but it doesn't seem to work for anything except space cow hunting. You make some noise trying to get it to work, which gives the space cow warning of your approach. Nevertheless, you track down the cow anyway and lunge forth to try and take it down. The cornered cow savagely attacks you with its horns, and the hammer's power is all that saves you from a nasty goring.
The securitybot shuts down abruptly due to interference with its control signal.
Just go and vertically slash the roombas in half, then return back and keep searching for the space cow, so I can milk it.
5 vs 1, 3+1 for fight.You leave the cargo bay for a moment to take care of the Roomba problem. You're a hulking undead warrior-bandit with a giant sword, and your opponents are vacuum cleaners. Also, Joshua helps. It's a short fight. After you leave the shattered bits of Roombas behind, you return to the cargo bay. The sound of a fight leads you to a corner where you find Dr. Bob battling the space cow.
Get a localized EMP blaster. Begin shooting Roombas.
2, 6 vs 1You can't find an EMP blaster, but it turns out you don't need it. Your targets are a bunch of rebellious vacuum cleaners, after all. You team up with GiantDad and move through the ship methodically stomping Roombas. After a few minutes, the two of you wipe them out.
This is fine.
Find a gathering of roombas and converse loudly in front of them about all the dust they have in the Great Bazaar.
Name: Captain Crunch
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
(You don't actually have to keep posting your character sheet with your turns if it's inconvenient for you. I need to keep a separate tab open to keep track of everyone anyway.)
4Many captains would be enraged to have their authority threatened, but you remember that diplomacy is considered one of the Earth alliance's most cherished virtues. "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend", after all. You find a large gathering of Roombas and persuade them that the Bazaar is actually covered in dust and would be a much better target for the Great Cleaning. Your words seem to break through to them, and they agree to abandon their plan to destroy the Horsehead Nebula. The Roombas start to redirect the ship toward the Intergalatic Bazaar, but then GiantDad and Joshua rush through and destroy them all.
It was a good effort though.
Utilize Space Cow DNA to evolve seven pairs of rippling fins, granting me the ability to fly through space. Once that's done, return to the ship.
5, 6You metabolize the cow DNA, warping it into space cow DNA through an effort of will. Blood floats out into space as the sides of your left and rightmost necks split open and a pair of powerful space cow fins fold out and along your sides. The fins take their shape just in time, as a cannon from the ship fires at you. You dodge aside and charge the ship. You get out of the firing arc of the cannon, but accidentally smack your head into the side of the ship when the power to the engines is abruptly cut at the end of its recent series of unpredictable boosts and turns.
go to the infirmary to treat my minor wounds.
6You go to the infirmary to get your minor cuts and scrapes healed up. Unfortunately, an error caused by the current hacking battle over the ship's controls causes the doctors to mistake you for another patient. Ultimately, you find that several of your tentacles have been replaced with cybernetics. A fellow tentacle alien with serious vacuum-vermin bites is provided with a band-aid.
Hearing the AI, use my Chief Engineer-level access to force a hardware-level shutdown of the roombas.
2You try to force a shutdown of the Roombas, but they block you and reply with a holofile of an ancient actor mockingly chanting "ah-ah-ah, you didn't say the magic word". However, it turns out to be moot after GiantDad and Joshua kill them all shortly thereafter. Duncan G. Redford approaches you at your workstation, looking annoyed.
"What utter nonsense is this Great Cleansing you speak of? I have no time for wive's tales, I am a doctor of anthropology, you should know!"
Leave and find whoever is in charge of robots on this ship
3As a Dapper Gentleman, you of course have an excellent memory when it comes to lodging grievances against the staff. You seem to recall that someone mentioned the robots are controlled by the Chief Engineer. Thus, you swiftly track down the engineer in question. As it happens, the engineer is also a robot. Hopefully this one will be a bit more helpful than the ones you've met so far.
Silence: screams!
Silence: throws random object at the creature!
Silence: runs away!
(Silence: admires a masterpiece artwork!)
5 vs 5, 4>Backflip onto my Space Cow and use it as my Trusty Steed then Ride it toward the Botanical Bay- What Could go wrong with this plan?
1You attempt to backflip onto the space cow, but your previous Interpretive Danceflip has drained your Flip Skill. Your flip abruptly ends in midair and you fall directly to the floor.
Well, we're in empty space, right? Using my trusty Curator's Whip, I fashion a Curator's Lasso, then slip on a spacesuit and go a-Cow Wrangling! Space Cow wrangling, obviously.
I really need to look up what SS13 is.
2You go on a spacewalk, but no space cows get close enough for your lasso to reach.
Author
Topic: Minimalism and Milk 3 (Read 136406 times)