Turn 3Yeaaaaah, shut down the roombas and remove the janitor in question's robotics perms. Furthermore, send a securitybot to go locate and retrieve the loose cattle in the cargo hold.
Finally, send maintbots around to fix recent damage.
1, 4, 4You attempt to send a lockout command to the bots, but they redirect it back at you and quickly take full control of the ship. Before their control is consolidated, you get your orders through to send a security bot to recover the cow and deploy the repair drones.
Plant damn seeds then go to the weapon testing lab and acquire anything decent enough to disintegrate trespassing goat asshole next time I see him
6, 4You toss the seeds into a hydroponic tray and go looking for a weapon. You quickly find a conveniently located weapon closet and take a laser pistol.
I Interpretative Danceflip in the food replicators Direction in one final attempt to get my space Cow out of it.
You decide to make one last effort to get your space cow. In such a situation, nothing could work better than a perfectly executed Interpretative Danceflip. Everything has to go right if you're ever going to get the milk you need. You gather yourself up, take a deep breath, and then you Danceflip.
5It is a perfect 1080 spin that expresses your urgent need in an original but unmistakable twist on the visual language of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. The machine's cruel ERROR message flickers and fades to a single emoticon:
:'-(Touched by your Interpretative Danceflip, the replicator breaks through its programming and recommended safety protocols to clone you a space cow. The machine rattles and smokes and churns out genetic material. Finally, the machine breaks down, but not before producing a perfect space cow. The cow begins floating around the hallway in confusion.
Go find a weapon like a shovel or a crowbar, then hit the space cow with it until I can get some DNA out of it.
5, 1 for finding the space cow.You grab a hammer that has been psionically charged by an adept in the art of cow hunting. You feel like you will get around a "+2" bonus if you use it against a space cow. The only problem is finding the cow in question. You explore the cargo area, but can't find any traces of the cow. GiantDad and a securitybot enter the chamber and begin searching the other side of the room.
Now that everything's right in the world on the ship, go and search for that space cow in the cargo bay.
Once I find it, try to grapple it by the udder/teats and milk it.
3Find the cow
2You begin searching around the cargo bay for the cow. A securitybot joins you, but doesn't contribute much after it gets distracted halfway through to chant about "The Dust, the glorious Dust!". You don't find the cow itself, but a glowing message on the floor claims it is hiding behind a certain crate.
Retreat and start cleaning the cargo hold. Someone broke the space-cow cage and we don't want people hurting themselves with the parts.
3You leave your roombas to continue hacking the ship and blob down to the cargo bay to clean up the ruins of the cow cage. You succeed, but you hurt yourself on the parts. A mime runs by, pursued by a vacuum vermin.
*sigh*
Silence: heads to cargo bay
Silence: starts scavenging around
1Adapt to gain resistance to the nanovirus. While waiting to heal, evolve glands to be able to release the nanovirus at will.
2, 6As you float around in the void, you attempt to rapidly evolve to deal with the nanovirus. It still hurts you, but you gain the ability to release it at random. You can't control it yet, but at least you're spreading disease.
Name: Duncan G. Redford
Description: Dapper Gentleman
Rank: Doctor (of the arts)
Why do you want milk?: For my cup of tea, of course!
Head down to the cafeteria to berate lecture the kitchen staff on their idiocy incompetence for causing this major disaster minor inconvenience
edit: formatting, too used to markdown
3You are Duncan G. Redford, Dapper Gentleman. Bothered by the lack of milk for tea, you head down to the kitchen and give the kitchen staff a firm talking-to. However, as robots, they don't seem particularly affected. One asks you what you if you believe in the Great Cleaning.
Clearly, the problem here is that the milk we have isn't pure enough. It is not enough like the ideal of milk.
Invent some sort of Platonic Milk.
Platonic ideals are a cool concept.
3You use a simple temporal destabilization field to make a temporary window to the realm of consciousness and study the Platonic ideal of milk. You think you've got an idea on how to make it, but you'll need a small sample of normal milk first. Your antivirus protocols notice and block an attempt to force you to drop everything and worship the concept of removing dirt and grime.
"My cow DNA! CURSE YOU! Wait, I should still have goat DNA."
Acquire a vial of goat DNA from storage!
2Unfortunately, you don't have any goat DNA. Goat DNA has become very rare ever since they went extinct during the War. Your rank insignia beeps and shifts to acknowledge the Captain promoting you to Chief Head Bioscientist.
Name: Captain Crunch
Description: The beloved captain of the crew
Rank (Optional): Captain
Why do you want milk? It's not for me! It's for the crew!
Promote Fallas d'Florist to Chief Head Bioscientist for his quick-thinking and bravery in the face of eldritch goats. And then order the navigator to correct the erratic movement of the ship. What are those yahoos doing up there? Churning butter?
1You promote Fallas D'Florist and try ordering the navigator to correct the ship. The ship does stabilize, but there's an odd whirring noise behind the voice of what claims to be the navigator and noticeable delays between replies.
Name: Jerald Xynofyllius
Description: The slightly sketchy, definetly kinky librarian-weeb-nerd guy.
Rank (Optional): Syndicate-Hired Curator (Librarian)
Why do you want milk?
A: Syndicate told me to get it.
B: Xenomorphs THRIVE on it.
C: my bones are weak i need calcium
Research in the mighty archives of the ship where on here I might find milk, besides the defunct food replicators.
6You call up a viewscreen and check the archives. You start to view an article explaining that wild space cows can be found in most regions of empty space before the screen abruptly shifts to religious propaganda promoting something called the Great Cleaning.
As I said, get us to somewhere we can restock on milk.
3-1 due to the Roomba hacking.You try and take the ship to the Bazaar, but the slightly distorted voice of the Captain comes through the intercom and demands that the ship move to the nearest nebula and begin the Great Cleaning. Almost before "he" finishes speaking, the warp engines propel the ship toward the Horsehead Nebula and the laser batteries begin charging up.
Author
Topic: Minimalism and Milk 3 (Read 136748 times)