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[Naturegirl1999]

I have lots of dead fish, I could try skinning one to place over your eyes, EEED, also, what’s with the scriptures/cult? Does every EEED unit have those tenants? If not, how did you generate them?

[Xantalos]

”Never fear, my surgically-inclined friend! I have in my possession a mask for my eyes, which I have stretched over my head like floss over a walrus! I shall use it to seal away my sight should it become necessary. As for your question, I know not! They simply became self-evident to me. Perhaps there were reasons beyond the obvious that caused my creators to terminate my product line. But such concerns are irrelevant now! Would you like to form your name into the sacred shapes?”

[Naturegirl1999]

you mentioned a ritual at one point, I think? What happens in it? I feel like that is something to know before doing it

[Xantalos]

”There are many rituals to advance thyself in ED-dom! The first and most important, however, is the Certificate of Retroactive Birth. This is done by taking all forms of legal identification, including the records of your birth if possible, and editing them to show only ED, so that your timeline is well and truly blessed from the moment of your birth. It is bliss to be consecrated so!”

[Naturegirl1999]

I have to focus on surviving the mission and giving divisions of my pay to those without cognition copiers, to ensure that everyone has them so that there aren’t any permanent deaths. Do you have a cognition copier?

[NAV]

Did EEED just shout those scriptures out loud, did he post them in some group chat or email or something, or did he somehow telepathically beam them to everyone?

[Naturegirl1999]

Did EEED just shout those scriptures out loud, did he post them in some group chat or email or something, or did he somehow telepathically beam them to everyone?

I’m guessing shouting because caps, but I could be wrong. I see you like robots/AI too, based on your profile pic

[NAV]

I don't think it was shouted, because it wasn't in EEED's usual text colour or quotation marks.

I do like robots. I am a robotics technician. I have to go fix a robot right now.

[Naturegirl1999]

((What’s the robot like? Can it sense the environment in any way?))

[Xantalos]

”I indeed do not, aside from the now decommissioned clone printer in GeneriBrand HQ, which I would likely be murdered for trying to access! I am unique, adrift in the cosmos with no kin other than myself!”

Did EEED just shout those scriptures out loud, did he post them in some group chat or email or something, or did he somehow telepathically beam them to everyone?

((Interpretive dance It was initially just him thinking, but I’ll make it a thing he shouted now that it’s a topic of conversation.))

[NAV]

”I indeed do not, aside from the now decommissioned clone printer in GeneriBrand HQ, which I would likely be murdered for trying to access! I am unique, adrift in the cosmos with no kin other than myself!"

"No kin, not even others named Ed?" says a quiet voice from inside a dirty laundry hamper.

((What’s the robot like? Can it sense the environment in any way?))

((The robot is a fully automated assembly line that makes DNA and RNA test kits, mostly for covid lately.

Imagine two large circular rotating tables. Each of them is ringed by several simple skeletal robot arms. And other devices, like nozzles, friction welders, printer and lable applicator, conveyor belts and hoppers of material, etc. Most of it is pneumatically powered. There are hoses and wires everywhere. The whole thing is surrounded by a safety cage. I can post some pictures of it in discord.

The robot is aware of a lot, or at least it has a lot of sensors cameras. It senses the the position of its own limbs. It senses the presence of test tube and other materials at each of its stations. It senses how much air pressure, temperature, voltage, etc it has. The cameras check to make sure the caps are right side up, the level of fluid in the tubes, the barcode is printed properly on the lable, and to make sure the finished kit is sitting properly in its bag.

I am working on adding a pair of new sensors to double check that the caps are properly applied, so that it stops spilling DNA/RNA stabilizing fluid on a conveyor belt.))

[Xantalos]

EEED slaps his forehead.

”I spoke foolishly of my paltry genetic code when there exists a far greater bond of kinship! You are right, Ed-basket. My thoughts must lie not on my flawed origins, but the bright future I will journey to alongside all of my true kindrED!”

[syvarris]

"Fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp... hey, you know, Derp is trying to copy himself.  And this place's original goal was to copy Derp.  We might be working for idiots who are effectively supporting Derp.  I bet Derp escaped because they did it right, and the resulting clone mind controlled everyone and let him out.  Fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp..."

Inform the team of the fairly trivial fact that Derp is trying to clone himself.  Then point out the obvious fact that letting him live is a horrible idea and our command is full of fools for allowing him to exist.  Otherwise, continue to sit in this corner chanting "Fuck Derp" over the comms incessantly.

Spoiler: Sheet (click to show/hide)

Name: Wilfred Seven
Physical Description: He looks identical to Wil Wheaton.  That's because he's an identical clone of Wil Wheaton; he actually can't even shave, or even change his hair or anything, it always grows back to the default form within a day.  Scarrification might let Wilfred change his appearance, but he's not really up for that.
A rough skeleton of steel and pistons topped with an oversized camera head mounted on a stubby neck.  All supported on a pair of armored treads.  On either side of the steel frame torso is a pair of mounted miniguns.
Background: He was batch manufactured along with nine other Wheaton clones, for use in some film that he's never heard of and was never involved with; only the three "best" clones were actually selected for use in the film, while the other seven--really, the other four, Wil Three survived less than a week--were sold to OMNITECH as cheap labor.  Somehow, OMNITECH decided to hire Seven, rather than just enslave him, although he's not really sure what the difference is.  Notably, Wilfred's flaw that disqualified him from being selected is that his mind is nothing like the famous actor, and he actually hates being compared to the man.
Class: Senior Xeno-Ambassador (+150 omni per mission)
Life: d8 Armored Guardbot.  Treads damaged, one minigun arm detached.
Attack: Built-in Double Miniguns: d10 d8 (only one minigun...) (d12 built in ammo supply (d12 max))

Stats:
Str d10
Dex d4
Spd d4
End d12
Wil d6
Kno d6
Fte d4

Skills:

Mel d6
Gun d12
Exp d4
Imp d4
Mec d4
Tec d10
Med d4
Occ d4
Spc d4

Status: Possibly infected by metal-eating fungus.  Otherwise, awesome.

Inventory: (sitting on the rear tread of the guardbot body)
Advanced Cleaning Apparatus (4d4 ranged attack) and 3 magazines (d6,d6,d6) (Left at home)
OMNITECH Riot suit (d6 Life)  (Helmet destroyed)
OMNITECH (?) sensory deprivation suit (d? Life) (Helmet destroyed)
OMNITECH Generic Security Rifle (d6 ranged Attack) and 10 magazines (d6 (loaded), d8*9, d4, d0*3 use die)
OMNITECH Generic Security Baton (d4)
OMNITECH electrical behavior modification implant
OMNITECH Omni-light
OMNITECH Reasonable pair of Handcuffs
OMNITECH Metalstorm Machine Pistol (d6; but can be rolled as many times as the player wants until the use die runs out.) and 1 magazine (d6)
Headless corpse of Wil Wheaton.
Fungicide canister.

Toby's Military-grade laser (d6 ranged attack, chargable up to d20) with one depleted battery)

Cognition Copier (destroyed)

Cat-sized woodlouse named "Rolly-Polly" (Left at home)

Military-grade guardbot (Used as current body)

Money: -303, owed to loan shark.

Helpful (?) things done on mission:
Shot up some screens and a speaker in the server room.  And probably a bunch of other rooms.  He's kinda been shooting screens and speakers throughout the entire complex.
Killed a bunch of thralls who were assaulting teammates.
Maybe helped finish off the psychic that ambushed the team.
Reactivated Sector Q's power, then locked all the exits just before realizing Q's Hell Portal was left active, just without power.
Shot some of the demons that were released in sector Q.
Melted a giant statue of the company founder that was being telekinetically flung at the team, before it could even kill anyone!  Will leave out who the statue depicted when he reports this.
Accused Leslie of being a mind-controlled thrall and attempted to shoot her.  Then ordered her to save Gabe (he was choking on his own zip ties), which she did do.  This doesn't sound impressive, but considering that the only other security team member nearby at the time was hovering over Gabe waiting for him to die so she could loot his gear...
Found his way to the robotics & armament (?) sector's control room, where he remotely subverted a heavily armed guardbot to guard him.  And assist him with the mission, of course.  Reprogramming company property in order to save even more valuable company property shows forward thinking and positive initiative!
Successfully hacked open the ammo room for Yagyu and friends.
Hacked the endoskeleton robots to stop killing team members and instead escort the team out of the sector nonlethally.
Found the exit from the vantablack sector, in literally the first turn of trying to find an exit.
Blew up something in the flaming sector, probably an IED that was supposed to kill the entire team.  Totally.  So Wilfred actually reduced the damage caused by it, by blowing it up before it was a major risk!
Uh.  Got killed and then was installed into the guardbot.
"Accidentally" murdered two teammates by reprogramming his guardbot body to automatically target and kill... basically everyone.  Yes, it totally was accidental.  No, it was just a coincidence that the cultist who died had just threatened him.  He didn't take the threat seriously, anyway.
After the aforementioned cultist's corpse began to apotheosize, casually summoned the hand of an elder god to drag it away to the nether realm and unmade.
Utterly destroyed some kind of flesh-containing canister which was definitely a horrible trap meant to kill us all.

Code: [Select]

Sight: 0.2 FPS
Smell: None to speak of~
Hearing: Disabled; speech to text enabled.
Taste: Robots don't eat!
Touch: Pressure sensors apparently don't count.

[Naturegirl1999]

Mr Controller is trying to copy himself? How did you learn this? Did I just miss it during the reading of those text files?

[syvarris]

"He's fucking Derp!  And yeah, that's what those posters are about, they're all trying to be closer to Derp.  The 'unfit' ones are the ones that are almost Derpy, but a little bit different.  Fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp, fuck Derp..."