Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[anewaname]

A new type of construction, the patio umbrella. Use 10 materials to create a 3 tile x 3 tile construction that acts as a floor and a ceiling in the center tile, and as a ceiling in the surrounding 8 tiles, but the tiles above cannot be built on or walked on, and the umbrella deconstructs if excessive weight is placed on it.

[BigUglyWorm]

Rock dust.  Any and all mining activities kick up big clouds of appropriately-colored dust that block vision and can choke dwarves, resulting in negative thoughts. In the same vein...
Black lung, silicosis, and mesothelioma (if you or a loved one...). Dwarves who breathe too much dust can slowly suffer minor, cumulative damage to their lungs, eventually inhibiting their breathing enough to be debilitating or fatal.  Maybe you could implements face masks made of woven plant or wool fibers, or even a wood or stone casing with a charcoal filter.
(Yes, yes, I know dwarven beard hair acts as a natural air filter, but in this world dwarves are beardless, which is also why they can wear masks at all)

[SixOfSpades]

. . . can slowly suffer miner, cumulative damage to their lungs . . .

FTFY. In any Bad Suggestions thread, all opportunities for bad puns must be taken.

[methylatedspirit]

A new type of construction, the patio umbrella. Use 10 materials to create a 3 tile x 3 tile construction that acts as a floor and a ceiling in the center tile, and as a ceiling in the surrounding 8 tiles, but the tiles above cannot be built on or walked on, and the umbrella deconstructs if excessive weight is placed on it.

Rain is considered to be 'excessive weight'.


Low-quality floors have a tendency to leak, letting rain through. Leaky ceilings generate an additional bad thought on top of the one from rain.

[BigUglyWorm]

. . . can slowly suffer miner, cumulative damage to their lungs . . .

FTFY. In any Bad Suggestions thread, all opportunities for bad puns must be taken.

I opted for subtlety, but rest assured, the wording was intentional.
Also, on the subject of patio umbrellas: high winds can take them, flinging them all about.  If the hit a dwarf, they'll do a tiny bit of damage, as well as traumatizing them to the point where any flying creature will send them into a blind panic.

[scourge728]

They have a small chance of impaling the dwarf, usually somewhere vital

[Steedat]

Patio umbrellas automatically generate a 'Deconstruct Patio Umbrella' job when it rains.

Deconstructing a patio umbrella has a 75% chance of failure.

Failing to deconstruct a patio umbrella creates a job cancellation notice and a bad thought in the dwarf that made the attempt.

[eviltwigster]

Toilets.

[Iduno]

Also, on the subject of patio umbrellas: high winds can take them, flinging them all about.  If the hit a dwarf, they'll do a tiny bit of damage, as well as traumatizing them to the point where any flying creature will send them into a blind panic.

Creature/leaf.

They have a small chance of impaling the dwarf, usually somewhere vital

Dwarfiest Home Videos?

Patio umbrellas automatically generate a 'Deconstruct Patio Umbrella' job when it rains.

Deconstructing a patio umbrella has a 75% chance of failure.

Failing to deconstruct a patio umbrella creates a job cancellation notice and a bad thought in the dwarf that made the attempt.

Half of the failures don't show up until you try to put it up again.

[BigUglyWorm]

Betty-Boop-style cartoon logic: anything and everything can, at any point, spontaneously spring to life, usually just long enough to perform a couple simple actions.  Barrels will drink booze from themselves, trees will hurl fruit at passersby, tables will donkey-kick dorfs in the ribs, etc.

Additionally, any time music is played in your fortress, inanimate objects will bob, sway, and hop about in time with it.  Try not to get motion sick as your entire tavern--musicians, guests, tables, chairs, and even engravings--does the salsa.

[Naturegirl1999]

Betty-Boop-style cartoon logic: anything and everything can, at any point, spontaneously spring to life, usually just long enough to perform a couple simple actions.  Barrels will drink booze from themselves, trees will hurl fruit at passersby, tables will donkey-kick dorfs in the ribs, etc.

Additionally, any time music is played in your fortress, inanimate objects will bob, sway, and hop about in time with it.  Try not to get motion sick as your entire tavern--musicians, guests, tables, chairs, and even engravings--does the salsa.

This would actually be cool to implement

[Bumber]

Additionally, any time music is played in your fortress, inanimate objects will bob, sway, and hop about in time with it.  Try not to get motion sick as your entire tavern--musicians, guests, tables, chairs, and even engravings--does the salsa.

Your entire embark can get up and go swimming at the beach.

[IndigoFenix]

Dwarves should be geldable. While this makes them sterile, it also reduces the chance that they'll go berserk.

[Craftsdwarf boi]

Creepypasta

[Steedat]

Kobold caravans: Once a year, your site is visited by 'friendly' kobold traders and their pack Giant Keas.

In addition to random non-economic stones and XTroll fur socksX, the kobolds will also offer to sell you any items you had stolen from your fort in the past year.

And of course, while you're trading the kobolds and keas will be stealing every shiny thing they can get their paws/claws on.