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[Truncatedurist]

Requires a codewheel that comes with the manual to↑ prove purchases manual costs $25

[Starver]

That's just silly.

It requires a parallel port (DB25) pass-through software-protection dongle for each running copy of the game. Price as above.

[BigUglyWorm]

-Every time a dwarf eats or drinks anything, there's a 1% chance they'll choke on it briefly, causing an unhappy thought.
-Every time a dwarf chokes, there is an additional 1% chance that the item will get lodged in their throat. Since this is a medieval setting, the Heimlich maneuver doesn't exist, and any dwarf thus afflicted is doomed to die.
-All soapmakers have a 10% chance of becoming obsessed with Martial Prowess, while also coming to despise Law and Commerce.  These individuals will go into Fell moods to make Dwarf Fat Soap, gather followers together to periodically fight each other, and eventually try to blow up your fortress with barrels of booze. (They will, however, fail, because booze doesn't explode, and also paraffin never, ever works)

[PlumpHelmetMan]

Any adventurer mode game should end immediately if your character gets shot in the knee. You may in future games encounter that character as a guard in civilized sites.

[Truncatedurist]

All adventurers shot in the knee will be found with a randomly generated spouse which has a 10% of being a mega beast 20% chance of being a semimega beast and a 40% chance of being a night creature

[BigUglyWorm]

As long as we're going with the Skyrim theme:
-religious zealots loudly proselytizing in town squares.
-shooting someone with a bow while in stealth launches them across the room.
-giants herd mammoths giant elephants--which they will milk for cheese-making purposes--and wield clubs that fling victims forty z-levels straight up.
-seriously, they're so fucking loud, and they never stop.
-if an adventurer uses a bucket on a shop-keeper, they may freely steal everything in the shop with no repercussions.
-(get large moonstone gem) "ANOTHER HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON".
-half of a given world's population is completely unkillable because they're "iMpOrTaNt To ThE pLoT".
-"WE ARE BUT MAGGOTS, WRITHING IN THE FILTH OF OUR OWN CORRUPTION!"
-all horses are Grand Master climbers by default.

[SixOfSpades]

A two-part suggestion:

1. Toady should implement static electricity: All materials must be updated with accurate Conductivity properties, all movable objects should have both their degree and intensity of charge updated at all times, as it could constantly change because of things like dwarves (wearing insulating footwear) walking across a woolen rug and touching a metal piece of furniture, or combing their hair in an arid climate.

2. All of these changes and calculations must not affect the visible game in any way whatsoever.

[FantasticDorf]

Adding onto horrible suggestion above, Electric cave eels (large ones obviously) that zap adjacent dwarves through conductive armor by the use of a interaction spell, causing muscle spasming and burns before wrestling them into a watery grave.

Because of course magic lightning bolts will be arriving sooner or later.

[Rataldo]

A two-part suggestion:

1. Toady should implement static electricity: All materials must be updated with accurate Conductivity properties, all movable objects should have both their degree and intensity of charge updated at all times, as it could constantly change because of things like dwarves (wearing insulating footwear) walking across a woolen rug and touching a metal piece of furniture, or combing their hair in an arid climate.

2. All of these changes and calculations must not affect the visible game in any way whatsoever.

Doesn't affect the game outside of negative feelings from "was zapped by a doorknob recently" and "felt embarrassed due to a bad hair day" of course

[overseer05-15]

Adding onto horrible suggestion above, Electric cave eels (large ones obviously) that zap adjacent dwarves through conductive armor by the use of a interaction spell, causing muscle spasming and burns before wrestling them into a watery grave.

Because of course magic lightning bolts will be arriving sooner or later.

Thats pretty rad actually

[Bumber]

As long as we're going with the Skyrim theme:
-religious zealots loudly proselytizing in town squares.
-shooting someone with a bow while in stealth launches them across the room.
-giants herd mammoths giant elephants--which they will milk for cheese-making purposes--and wield clubs that fling victims forty z-levels straight up.
-seriously, they're so fucking loud, and they never stop.
-if an adventurer uses a bucket on a shop-keeper, they may freely steal everything in the shop with no repercussions.
-(get large moonstone gem) "ANOTHER HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON".
-half of a given world's population is completely unkillable because they're "iMpOrTaNt To ThE pLoT".
-"WE ARE BUT MAGGOTS, WRITHING IN THE FILTH OF OUR OWN CORRUPTION!"
-all horses are Grand Master climbers by default.

-The snooty elves tell you which trees to worship.

[overseer05-15]

As long as we're going with the Skyrim theme:
-religious zealots loudly proselytizing in town squares.
-shooting someone with a bow while in stealth launches them across the room.
-giants herd mammoths giant elephants--which they will milk for cheese-making purposes--and wield clubs that fling victims forty z-levels straight up.
-seriously, they're so fucking loud, and they never stop.
-if an adventurer uses a bucket on a shop-keeper, they may freely steal everything in the shop with no repercussions.
-(get large moonstone gem) "ANOTHER HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON".
-half of a given world's population is completely unkillable because they're "iMpOrTaNt To ThE pLoT".
-"WE ARE BUT MAGGOTS, WRITHING IN THE FILTH OF OUR OWN CORRUPTION!"
-all horses are Grand Master climbers by default.

-The snooty elves tell you which trees to worship.

-Vampires whine about all environmental effects (IE in a cave, in snow, in the rain, in the sunlight, etc) only not complaining about moonlight.

[Liber celi]

Reverse Feature Creep: Frankly the fortress mode and the adventurer mode are buggy and hard to maintain. Shrink the game down to the heart, Legends mode only.

Full simulation: Remove all player agency.

Closed circuit: Observation might influence the simulation. The game does not have any output or interface now.

[SixOfSpades]

Reverse Feature Creep:
Full simulation:
Closed circuit:

These are absolutely horrible. Well done. 

Full Protonic Reversal: instead of constantly improving DF to be more like real life, just change real life until it's indistinguishable from DF.

[BigUglyWorm]

Full Protonic Reversal: instead of constantly improving DF to be more like real life, just change real life until it's indistinguishable from DF.

I can see the headlines now:
"Local Swimming Hole Closed; 12 Swimmers Mauled by Carp"
"President Promises Adamantine Tariffs Against China"
"8 Dead at Polar Plunge When Water Flash-Freezes"
"Blood Rain and Thralling Clouds: Man-Made Climate Change or Natural Trends?"