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[Draignean]

You are a God of Chaos, Spiders, the number 7, and the Awkward Feeling You Get When Family Starts Discussing Politics At Dinner. 

Since you don’t have any worshippers, you also work a gig as a delivery driver for a buy-by-app company that services local restaurants.

...

Life kinda sucks.

You (re)gained sentience 7 years ago when you happened to 7 meters away from a 7 year old boy who said ‘I believe in you, Spider’ to a Spider 7 times before eating the spider. Eating that spider did two things. One, it completely upset the dinner picnic at the family reunion. Two, as an act of old-world sacrifice it created a well of energy strong enough for your hollow shade to instinctively draw it in and manifest a physical form.

Not clothes though. There’s still a sketch of you circulating around the Maryland area, wanted in connection with a crazed drug-addled streaker who screamed ‘BEHOLD’ at the extended family of a senator.
Turns out ‘BEHOLD’ doesn’t work as well as it once did for gathering followers. Your memories of the past are hazy, but you’ve got an intuitive grasp of the present thanks to the half-memories that your shade gathered while it roamed the world mad with hunger.  You spent several years trying to gather worshipers,  a cult, or even just a shrine- but even the 7 year old boy with brain damage stopped believing in you. Admittedly, he has troubling believing anything for more than 7 minutes at a span, so that wasn’t a huge blow to your ego.

Recently you've been adrift, waiting for a break. Without a source of vital essence, you’ll grow old and die (becoming a shade once more) like any human. Unfortunately, getting vital essence requires worshipers. More unfortunately, very few people in the modern age wake up in the morning and think ‘Wow, you know what God hasn’t given me enough of lately? Spiders. I need more of those in my life. And things are too tranquil, I need a God who gives me more Chaos and Spiders!’. Which is why you’re living the life of a mortal high-schooler instead of the god that thou art.

You need to make a change. It is time to stop waiting for a break and just break something. It has been 7 years, YOUR number, since you regained your sentience.  There is no better place than here, there is no better time than now.

You will claim your Godhood.

And get more toilet paper, ‘cause you’re running low of that. And dishsoap.


What is your current apparent gender and name? Going to need to get that settled if you want people to worship you or sign for a package.

Spoiler: God Stats (click to show/hide)

Health: Monday
God Juice: The ghost of a smidge of a sniff of a whisper.

[FallacyofUrist]

Our gender is spiderqueen and our name is Martha Masop.

[Maximum Spin]

Gender: All.
Name: t h e O N E

[dgr11897]

Our gender is spiderqueen and our name is Martha Masop.

+1

[Chiefwaffles]

Gender: Female
Name: Alexius (or Alex if you're a 7-hating heathen)

[Shadowclaw777]

Gender: Apache Helicopter
Name: THE NUT OF ROTORS

[TheFantasticMsFox]

Gender: F
Name: Grace Hopkins

[MonkeyMarkMario]

Gender: Female
Name: Alexius (or Alex if you're a 7-hating heathen)

+1

[dgr11897]

we should have sept (seven) as part of our name.

[Maximum Spin]

why does everyone want to be a boring female when we could be a helicopter or an eggplant?!

[dgr11897]

why does everyone want to be a boring female when we could be a helicopter or an eggplant?!

You are a God of Chaos, Spiders, the number 7, and the Awkward Feeling You Get When Family Starts Discussing Politics At Dinner. 

Since you don’t have any worshippers, you also work a gig as a delivery driver for a buy-by-app company that services local restaurants.

...

 Which is why you’re living the life of a mortal high-schooler instead of the god that thou art.

That would be why, we're living like a mortal high-schooler

[Draignean]

Our gender is spiderqueen and our name is Martha Masop.

+1

Gender: Female
Name: Alexius (or Alex if you're a 7-hating heathen)

+1

Alright. You're Alexius Masop. You considered going for Alexius Maysept, but that was just a little too on the nose. Your current form is that of a human female with a conspicuously black-widow like hourglass tattoo in your, er, your tramp-stamp region. You better get comfortable with that, since it's not like the essence to change shape all willy nilly is easy to come by.

By the way, this is the narrator font. It's used by the narrator to narrate the narrative. And other things.

Aside from your spiderqueen tramp stamp, what do you look like? Bear in mind that people filed a report with as a streaker seven years ago, so the starting age bracket is already in the twenties.

[Rockeater]

I now think who would worship the number 7, can we change it yo pi

[Maximum Spin]

Like a sober, no-nonsense, pantsuit-wearing young businesswoman whose entire face happens to turn into a giant spider whenever she stops paying attention to keeping it humanoid. Luckily, the human brain has an amazing capacity to forget completely incomprehensible things like that as long as you remember to change it back fast enough.

[Rockeater]

Like a sober, no-nonsense, pantsuit-wearing young businesswoman whose entire face happens to turn into a giant spider whenever she stops paying attention to keeping it humanoid. Luckily, the human brain has an amazing capacity to forget completely incomprehensible things like that as long as you remember to change it back fast enough.

+1