"Ah... well," he starts, staring intently at the coffee maker. "Yeah, actually. It was two months ago last night. I was out with a friend of mine doing some nature photography. Birds, mostly... er, anyways." He opens the fridge and starts fishing around. "I was sorting through the pictures I took that day -we were gonna be out for like a week- when my friend says he sees a strange light. Like, a flash or something. He wasn't sure of more than that, so we figured we might as well go check it out, right? It's about nine at night, so it was pretty dark, but as we're going I just see these... eyes, staring at me out of the bushes. Like, glowing eyes. And before I can react, suddenly this... thing just bursts out and I'm knocked to the ground. I tried playing dead, cuz that's what you're supposed to do when a bear attacks. And thinking, 'wait, there aren't really bears in these parts' but then it just started..."
He stands up, taking a carton of cream out of the fridge, seeming to stare off into the distance for a moment. "...started just, ripping into me... I tried rolling over onto my back to protect my neck and belly, and then maybe crawl away, but it had my pinned pretty good. I thought 'this is it, I'm really going to die,' and... and I was sure it was going to pull my ribs right out of my back. I'm not proud to say but... I'm pretty sure I soiled myself." He sucks in a breath. "Uh... but then I hear this CRACK! and I hear my friend shouting 'Hey! Get away from him!' And I was thinking he must've brought his gun, even though I told him not to, and... well, next thing I remember is waking up in a trauma center with an IV drip in my arm."
The coffee maker beeps. Roger puts a mug under it and it starts to slowly fill. "I got discharged after about two weeks, they said I'd been lacerated pretty bad and had a few cracked ribs but was making a remarkably speedy recovery. At that point I thought it must've been a mountain lion or maybe a bear, since it seemed a bit big for a cougar. But, well, come the next full moon, I started feeling this... crawling feeling under my skin, and well... y'know..."