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[Imic]

Find where they put my stuff.

Sorry, I meant you to find it, it reloaded and that wasnnt in it. I'll edit it back in.

[Glass]

Find where they put my stuff.

Sorry, I meant you to find it, it reloaded and that wasnnt in it. I'll edit it back in.

Thanks.

Take the money and the good spear, then try the locked door.

[randomgenericusername]

Go to the Shop street and raid the shops there for generic chest loot. Avoid anything too big like metal armor or big weapons.

[sprinkled chariot]

Attempt to psionically fix broken bones.

[Person]

Name: Vesuvius
Appearance: A BIG FIRE BREATHING DRAGON.
Background: ACCIDENTALLY CAUSED MOUNT VESUVIUS ERUPTION AND ENDED UP HERE AFTER EXPLOSION.
First Action: Land on top of Duke's castle and calmly inquire about the location of the nearest volcano.

(There's absolutely no way this is going to work, but why not?)

[Secheral]

I NEEED MY BRREAAD!!! RAISE TAXES SO THEY CAN'T PAY! LIFT THE VALUE OF BREAD ABOVE ALL ELSE SO THEY'LL BE FORCED TO PAY WITH BREEAD!

[CABL]

Name: Varg III The Merciless
Appearance: A tall, muscular, blonde, blue-eyed white man wearing mail armor and a golden crown.
Background: A ruthless king of Northlands, Varg and his Northmen warriors terrorized mainland for over 30 years, pillaging every settlement for gold, glory and lulz.

Gather at least 175 warriors, then prepare our ships for sailing towards so-called 'RPG town'.

[Puppyguard]

Use my tongue to draw healing glyphs on the ground to heal my broken bones.

[Yoink]

Name: Jefari Plankfinger, Duke of [TOWN]
Appearance: A fairly average, dark-haired man of a fairly young age. Usually wears an odd smile that ranges from wry to bemused to... somewhat unhinged. Somewhat unkempt, despite the best efforts of the household servants. The most impressive thing about him is without a doubt his carefully cultivated goatee, which he is given to stroking whilst deep in thought or otherwise distracted.
Background: Recently became ruler of [TOWN] after the really, really tragic deaths of his father and three older brothers in a wholly unexpected, unthinkable freak hunting mishap that was wholly accidental and certainly not anyone's fault. Public opinion of the young noble is fairly unanimously "meh" - he's pretty much useless and leaves most of the actual governing to his advisors, but perhaps that's for the best. He's fairly harmless. Certainly an improvement from his cruel, tyrannical father and his tougher, nastier older brothers.
Fun fact: the Plankfinger dynasty's origins lie with Jef's great-grandfather, a peasant who, thanks to the bizarre and supposedly "progressive" employer liability laws in a neighbouring land, was able to use his obscene sum of compensation money after crushing his right index finger during the construction of the king's new manor to purchase the makings of a small duchy, whilst his homeland fell into lawlessness and ruin after its strange legal practices caused it to go bankrupt.       


AWAKEN. SHOVE THE WHORES OUT OF MY DUKELY BED.
ARISE FROM MY MANY PILLOWS AND STRIDE OVER TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW - DETERMINE IF ANY GOVERNANCE NEEDS DOING AROUND TOWN TODAY   

[Imic]

Take the money and the good spear, then try the locked door.

[5]
You go over to the locked door, spear in hand and money in pocket, and take out your lockpicking gear. The door is unlocked easily, and there seems to be no traps of any description. Ahead of you is a long coridoor, with a door at the end of it, and on your left is an archway going into a dark room. There is a torch hanging on the right wall, although it doesnmt give off much light.

Go to the Shop street and raid the shops there for generic chest loot. Avoid anything too big like metal armor or big weapons.

[4]
You make a quick trip to shop street, and you are not dissapointed. The entire street is abandoned aside from some terrified people running away from some eldritch horror currently living in a back alley, and they disperse quickly. The shops are full of decent loot, plenty of money, and a scroll of weapon enchantment. You are quickly full of delicious loot, all to lure some delicious adventurers to your next residence.

Attempt to psionically fix broken bones.

[1]
You try to psionically fix your bones, but your attempts to do so only make them worse, and you start bleeding from every single orifice you have. You can just about hear the grim reaper at this point...

First Action: Land on top of Duke's castle and calmly inquire about the location of the nearest volcano.

(There's absolutely no way this is going to work, but why not?)

[1]
It doesn't.
You come along, land on the Duke's castle, and before you can say anything, the entire town starts throwing things in your direction, many of them sharp and pointy. It doesnmt take long for the weight if a dragon and many projectiles to cause the tower you're perspched on to collapse, and before you can fly to safety, you are thrust into the river far below. You manage to cling to some rocks, but the river is fast and strong...

I NEEED MY BRREAAD!!! RAISE TAXES SO THEY CAN'T PAY! LIFT THE VALUE OF BREAD ABOVE ALL ELSE SO THEY'LL BE FORCED TO PAY WITH BREEAD!

[5]
Sonehow, it works. Bread comes rolling in be the baker's dozen, baguattes, Brioche, sourdough, country pan, sodabread, everything. Well baked and under cooked, you gorge yourself in the depths of the ancient castle.
You notice that people are shouting upstairs, and all of a sudden, you hear a load and ominous crash coming fron the Bakery tower...

Gather at least 175 warriors, then prepare our ships for sailing towards so-called 'RPG town'.

[2]
You get your 175 loyal warriors and board ships, however, you forgot to pack food, and your warrioirs demand that you raid somewhere else on the way. You reach Rose town, and the raid goes dismally. You sokn discover the archers that earned the town it's name, and 64 if your people are killed like fish in a barrel. One of your three ships is destroyed, and you barely make i tout yourself. The disgruntled warriors turn to you to ask what next.

Use my tongue to draw healing glyphs on the ground to heal my broken bones.

[1]
You try to healing glyphs with your tounge, but you are weak, and you mess up several parts of the glyph, leading to the accidental creation if a cursed glyph, that slowly kills you from the inside out. You are in agony now, blood is gushing out of you, and your prgans are rotting. Your spvision starts to blur, as blood drips over your face...

AWAKEN. SHOVE THE WHORES OUT OF MY DUKELY BED.
ARISE FROM MY MANY PILLOWS AND STRIDE OVER TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW - DETERMINE IF ANY GOVERNANCE NEEDS DOING AROUND TOWN TODAY   

You awaken to the unmistakeable sound of collapsing tower. You remember the fool you left in your clothes lest night with orders to pretend to be you, and decide to go check up in the auld idiot. You go into the throne room only to discover several things.
First if all, an angry mob ran into the throne room and threw him out the window.
Second, the Bakery tower seems to have collapsed following a dragon attempting to land on it and ask for directions.
Third of all, you have been officially dethroned, and a talking duck has been crowned Duke. He raised the price of bread, causing become the unnoficial currency of the town, and proceeded to eat all of the incoming taxes in the form of bread.
Also, the angry mob is running over to incapacitate you.
All in all, not the best start to the day.
[@Yoink I apolagise for massing with your action, spthe story needed it.]
Edited cause I made a quoting mistake.

[randomgenericusername]

Eldritch horror? Try to eat it, it's probably better than peasant meat.

[Person]

Fly away from the river to somewhere safe.

(Well, it doesn't look like I'm dead yet. Thanks for giving me a chance. Anyway, once this character inevitably does die, I promise to spawn as something far more reasonable.)

[Puppyguard]

Try to become a evil spirit from this unfortunate turn of events.

[Glass]

Take the torch and toss it into the dark room. Take cover, in case it's the storage area for gunpowder, booze, or some other explosive substance.

[Yoink]

"ERM. WELL. BY THE HAIRY LEFT BUTTOCK OF [LOCAL DEITY], I AM GLAD I SLEPT IN!"
WAIT - ANGRY MOB IN THE THRONE ROOM, OR STILL APPROACHING THE CASTLE??

EITHER WAY, SCRATCH MY HEAD AT THIS TURN OF EVENTS, THEN STROKE MY BEARD AND CALMLY POINT OUT TO THE APPROACHING MOB (THROUGH A WINDOW IF THEY OUTSIDE) JUST HOW VERY TASTY DUCK IS, ESPECIALLY WHEN COMPARED TO CHICKENS, QUAILS AND THE VARIOUS GAME BIRDS USUALLY AVAILABLE FOR MEALS AROUND HERE
BEGIN TO GIVE A TANTALISING DESCRIPTION OF SOME OF THE EXOTIC METHODS OF DUCK-PREPARATION I HAVE ENCOUNTERED DURING MY TRAVELS THROUGH NEIGHBOURING KINGDOMS - YOU KNOW, DOING IMPORTANT, MIND-EXPANDING NOBLE-TYPE STUFF WHAT MAKES ONE BETTER AND MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE RULER - WHERE DUCKS ARE CONSIDERED ONE OF THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE DELICACIES

THE BEST WAY TO TURN THESE DAFT PEASANTS AGAINST SOMETHING IS GENERALLY TO TELL THEM HOW DELICIOUS IT IS, AFTER ALL.

IF THAT SOMEHOW NOT WORK, HASTILY GATHER ANY REMAINING LOYALIST GUARDS/SERVANTS/ADVISORS AND RETURN TO LOCK SELF IN ROOM I WOKE UP IN.
ASK IF ANYONE HAS A PLAN   


EDIT:

DEFEND AGAINST THIS SLANDER BY POINTING OUT HOW TASTY HUMANS ARE, ESPECIALLY THE NOBILITY SINCE THEY GIVE BONUS STATS IN CHARM FOR EVERY ONE YOU EAT.

OH SHIT! THE DUCK HUNGERS FOR HUMAN FLESH! IT SAID SO ITSELF!
POINT THAT OUT TO PEOPLE IF THEY DON'T LISTEN TO ME INITIALLY!