FUCKING SPAWN AS KIRBY DUNKASS
EAT JOHN MADDEN TO GAIN JOHN MADDEN POWERS
4: PINK BLOB WITH ARMS AND LEGS POP INTO EXISTENCE ON FIELD. YOU KIRBY.
3v2: YOU START TRY TO INHALE JOHN MADDEN, HOWEVER, CAN'T PULL IN ALL THE WAY YET. BOSSES DIFFICULT TO INHALE.
I HAVE FOUND MY PURPOSE.
GIVE ELDER GOD JOHN MADDEN A +1 BONUS TO HIS NEXT ROLL. ENCOURAGE HIM TO KILL ALL OF THE OTHER PLAYERS, AND ALL LIFE IN GENERAL, SO THAT THE FOOTBALL SHALL BECOME ALL (AND THUS, ALL WILL BECOME THE FOOTBALL).
Snip.
Snip.
THESE ARE ACTS OF WAR! MANKIND SHOULD BE EXTINGUISHED SO THAT NONE MAY ARISE TO CHALLENGE ELDER GOD JOHN MADDEN.
(Text distortion is fun. We can all agree on that. However, I sort of regret relying on such a cheap trick and it has overstayed its welcome. It probably adds like 5 minutes of busy work whenever it comes up in a turn. Please stop.)
ATHATH INFLUENCE 2: MADDEN LAUGHS AT YOUR FEEBLE ATTEMPT AT ASSISTANCE. HE HAS NO NEED FOR YOU AS OF YET. HE DOES AGREE WITH YOUR VIEW THOUGH. AT LEAST YOU THINK SO ANYWAY.
MADDEN PLAYBOOK: ELDER GOD MADDEN ANNOYED AT PINK PUFFBALL. HE HEARD ABOUT THIS ONE FROM OTHER DEMONS.
4v2: JOHN MADDEN POINT TABLET AT ENEMY AND RAISE TELESTRATOR PEN. HE TAP SCREEN AND SAY "POW!" SPACETIME ITSELF RIP APART AROUND KIRBY. A CACOPHANY OF EXPLOSIONS AND GRINDING NOISES FILL STADIUM. THOSE LOOKING ON GET A BRIEF LOOK AT THE ABYSS.
IT NOT PLEASANT. KIRBY TAKE MODERATE DAMAGE. INHALE INTERRUPTED.
((To GM: Charles III Le Champagne is not a real noble. He never existed IRL, it's just a name I picked up)
"In the name of my Lord, Jesus Christ, I'll strike thou down!" Screamed the bold noble Templar to the foul demon.
Strike the demon down!
(Got it.)
2v3: YOU SWING YOUR SWORD AT THE LUMBERIMG BEAST FROM BEHIND AS IT STARTS TO MESS WITH SOME INFERNAL CONTRAPTION. AS YOU READY YOUR SWING, YOU DISRUPTED BY A SERIES OF PAINFUL SOUNDS AND SIGHTS. YOU MISS SWING AGAIN. THE LORD SEEM TO OFFER LITTLE GUIDANCE.
USE DIPLOMACY ON DRIVER AND MEDIC. IF FAIL, USE CHEERLEADING MAGIC TO TRANSFORM INTO DUCT TAPE COLOURFUL RIBBONS AND MANIPULATE THE VEHICLE LIKE A PUPPET.
Cheerleader Ally 6: HE KEEP RAISING TEAM SPRITS. SPIRITS OVERLOADED WITH CHEER. CROWD GO CRAZY IN SUPPORT OF BLUE TEAM. HE OVEREXERTED NOW.
3+1v2&2: YOU ATTEMPT DIPLOMACY. THEY UNSURE HOW REACT, BUT ARE IN YOUR FAVOR. YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF CONFUSION TO CLIMB INSIDE VEHICLE.
GOTTA KEEP RUNNING!!!
RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN FOR THE TOUCHDOWN AND THE VICTORY!!!!!!!!
KEEP MALLOS PINNED HE SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY THREAT TO AIGRE.
DO ONE OF THOSE BADASS KUNG-FU SHOUTS AND BLOW APART ZIIZO WITH A BURST OF CHI. IF IT GETS HIM OFF ME, START CHARGING AFTER AIGRE.
ZIIZO PIN VS MALLOS ESCAPE 2+1v2: MALLOS SCREAM AT ZIIZO TO TRY AND PUSH OFF, BUT CHI FEELS WEAK. TECHNIQUE FAILS.
AIGRE RUN 6: NOTHING BUT DAYLIGHT! RUSH BALL 30 GLORIOUS YARDS. YOU STAND AT 50 YARD LINE.
STOP BEING CONCUSSED, DAMNIT
6: YOU SHAKE SELF OUT STUPOR AND GET BACK TO FEET. HEAD STILL HURT, BUT BALANCE AND SENSES RETURNED.
Eat giblets and banish elder god by playing airhorn.
1: YOU START SHOVELING SOLDIER GIBLETS INTO MOUTH. YOU BEGIN TO VOMIT BLOOD AND BILE PROFUSELY.
3-1: YOU START TO TRY TO PLAY AIRHORN TO BANISH MADDEN. YOU REALLY BAD AT IT. HE TURN TO FACE YOU WITH FERAL TOOTHY GRIN. HE SNAP FINGERS. SUDDENLY, VUVUZELAS DROP INTO CROWD. OH NO.
PEOPLE ALL START BLOWING ON THEM.
THE TORMENT BEGINS.
BRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!YOUR AIRHORN POWERLESS BEFORE THIS UNHOLY CACOPHONY. BEGIN TO WEEP INVOLUNTARILY BETWEEN BLOODY VOMITS.
OOPS. GIVE ABE RED BULL, MAYBE THAT WILL HELP!
2: YOU FAIL TO UNHOOK HORNS FROM ABE. CANNOT PRESENT YOUR MANY DELICIOUS ENERGY DRINKS.
BLOW UP BLUE TEAM WITH AN AIRSTRIKE OF CROCKETS, TARGETING IN ORDER OF PRIORITY: AGIER, ZIIZO, FAILBIRD, JOHN MADDEN, ANYONE ELSE OPPOSING RED EXCLUDING CROWD. LAND AT CENTER FIELD.
5v6+1: YOU LAUNCH A PERFECT CROCKET AT THAT BALL HOLDING GUY, BUT HE LEAP FORWARD AND DODGE EXPLOSION. DAMN IT. AIGRE GAIN 5 YARDS.
ZIIZO NOT GOOD TARGET BECAUSE FRIENDLY FIRE ON.
1: LAUNCHER JAM WHEN YOU FIRE AT FAILBIRD. EXPLOSION DESTROYS PARACHUTE. OH NOOO.
4: DESPITE THIS, YOU SAFELY LAND MID FIELD. TWO ROCKETS LEFT IN LAUNCHER WHAT DO?
Burrow into the ground.
5: YOU DIG DEEP INTO FIELD. YOU QUITE COMFORTABLE. SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAL INJURIES HERE.
RIDE THE REDBULL INTO BLOODY FOOTBALL COMBAT!!!
4: YOU PUSH SELF AWAY FROM BULL, REMOVING LONG HORN FROM ARM. STILL BLEEDING. BULL SHOW YOU ENERGY DRINKS, YOU TAKE ONE.
6v3+1: YOU MOUNT BULL, AND READY CHARGE. BULL ROCKET TOWARD AIGRE EXCALIBUR, HEADBUTT HIGH INTO AIR.
5: ASTONISHING! THEY TAKE HIT PERFECTLY. THEY EVEN KEEPING GRIP ON FOOTBALL.
RED TEAM:
Mallos:
ROLE: QUARTERBACK
STATUS: BODY SORE. FEET HURT A LITTLE BIT. SOMEWHAT EXHAUSTED. STILL PINNED.
crazyabe:
ROLE: TACKLE
STATUS: RIGHT ARM MODERATELY GOUGED. RIDING RED BULL TO VICTORY.
FallacyOfUrist:
ROLE: MASCOT: RED BULL
STATUS: RAMMING ENEMY INTO AIR.
Dustan Hache:
ROLE: SOLDIER
STATUS: LANDED IN CENTER FIELD.
BLUE TEAM:
ziizo:
ROLE: SAFETY
STATUS: HELMET ON GROUND. PINNING MALLOS.
Aigre Excalibur:
ROLE: Cornerback
STATUS: RAN BALL VERY FAR. AIRBORNE.
Failbird105:
ROLE: SKAVEN STORMVERMIN
STATUS: ARMS SLICED OPEN. ARMOR SOMEWHAT DAMAGED. SAFE UNDERGROUND.
Secheral:
ROLE: CHEERLEADER
STATUS: TAUGHT ASSISTANT(PROVIDES POSSIBLE ROLL BOOST FOR TEAM.) HIJACKING AMBULANCE. DIPLOMAT.
OTHER/FREE AGENTS:
Glass:
TEAM:
PURPLEROLE: CONFUSED SOCCER PLAYER
STATUS: A LITTLE CONCUSSED.
ATHATH:
TEAM:
GREENROLE: ELDER GOD JOHN MADDEN
STATUS: ACOLYTE OF FOOTBALL.
Paxiecrunchle:
TEAM:
TURQUOISEROLE: DRUNK REFEREE
STATUS: BLEEDING FROM MOUTH. VOMITING. DISTRESSED BY VUVUZELAS.
Egan_BW:
TEAM:
PINKROLE: KIRBY
STATUS: INJURED. NOTE: KIRBY HEALTH PROCESSED IN NONSTANDARD WAY.
CrocAndBearLover:
TEAM: TEMPLARS
ROLE: COMMAMDER OF NOBLE KNIGHTS OF TEMPLAR ORDER, CHARLES III LE CHAMPAGNE
STATUS: SWINGING SWORD AT MADDEN.
GENERAL INFORMATION:
SCORES: (I'm not sure why I'm bothering with some of these. Rules are rules I suppose.)
RED: 0
BLUE: 0
PURPLE: 0
GREEN: 0
TURQUOISE: 0
PINK: 0
TEMPLARS: 0
BALL STATUS: 45 YARDS FROM RED END ZONE. IN AIGRE EXCALIBUR HANDS.
RTD STADIUM:
BRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!SEATS OCCUPIED: 13,000/100,000
VIEWERS WATCHING LIVE: 12,000 PEOPLE.
SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWERS: 24,000 PEOPLE.
FOOTBALL FACT OF THE TURN: OH GOD WHY. VUVUZELAS AREN'T EVEN FOR THIS TYPE OF FOOTBALL. SOMEONE STOP THESE GUYS. SERIOUSLY, THIS SOUND IS A DEBUFF TO EVERYONE NOT NAMED JOHN MADDEN.
EDIT: (OH GOD I JUST REALISED THAT GIVES KIRBY THE MIKE POWER UP. WELL, HERE WE GO THEN.)
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Topic: A GAME OF FOOTBALL: CANCELLED (Read 28615 times)