TURN 33When done with the tour go out and get some tea in a cafe and read a newpaper
((Also thanks, I'm going to have to listen and read this all when I can))
1You finish up the art tour and head outside. You go looking for a cafe to drink tea at. Doesn't look like any are open right now.
Damnit!
Send in air reinforcements for the troops fighting the Chupacabras!
Have GS send the information out over the radio to every spot he can, and then have him evacuate. Once he does, it's time to lay low for a while. EDIT: Ge's using the power of his magic stealth imagination box.
Shut down that portal!
Have NASA and SETI send out a signal into space requesting aid to fight the forces of Chaos and their co-conspirators, the Reptilians.
(Air support for chupacabra battle)
4(Supported troops vs chupacabras)
4+1vs1(FINALLY)
(Giraffe Snake)
6,1-1vs3(Raid on portal)
2vs6(Call to space)
3On your orders, a contingent of attack helicopters moves in and hover over the battlefield. The chupacabras are unable to reach them, and their chainguns carve a path through the swarm. This provides your troops with much needed breathing room. When Saitama punches the earth and creates a trench that suddenly tears across the battlefield and traps many chupacabras, the giraffes and humans take the chance to slaughter them with gunfire and grenades. The chupacabras back off for the moment, warily looking for a chance to take out the helicopters. It is then that a Horseman of the Apocalypse rides in and begins tearing chupacabras apart.
Attacks on the portal continue to fail. Giraffe Snake prepares the radio tower to send out the warning to the world. A jammer the Reptilians set up prevents the signal from getting out, but Giraffe Snake spots the device on a ledge behind enemy lines. Using outside the box tactics, he makes it into the enemy camp and sets a charge on the device. The reptilians spot him and a sniper shoots him as he prepares the bomb. The reptilians surround him as he leans against the device. With a smile, Giraffe Snake hits the trigger. The bomb wipes out the camp and the device in a flash of light as the radio signal goes live again. People around the world hear the truth.
You send a call into space for help. You receive a surprisingly quick response. An amused Dark Elf looking captain of a vessel answers you on a video call. Saturn is clearly visible outside the window of his bridge.
"We are the Dark Eldar. It seems you require assistance."
Saitama
Punch the ground below the mass of chupacabras,hopefully into the corner of earth, letting them pour in through the funnel.
2+1vs3(Sorry about all the bad rolls you've been getting.)
Hundreds of chupacabras flood around you. You punch the ground and create a trench that allows your allies to kill many of the goat-vampires. After that, you can barely see from all the snapping jaws surrounding your face.
KICK THIS COSTUMED TWERP'S FEET OUT FROM UNDER HIM, THEN COMMANDO ROLL OUT OF HIS REACH, RAISE A FIST AND SHOUT FOR SPACELASER AND OUR SURVIVING FANS TO FOLLOW ME. [EDIT] VANQUISH ANYONE ATTEMPTING TO STOP OUR ESCAPERETREAT BY JAMMING THE SHARPENED SPIKES OF MY BRACERS THROUGH WEAKPOINTS ON THEIR HELMETS AND INTO BRAINS, OR IF THEY ARE UNARMOURED JUST KICK THE FACES OUT THE BACK OF THEIR SKULLS BEFORE CONTINUING ON [/EDIT]
GO HOTWIRE A (PREFERABLY BLACK) ZOO TOUR BUS AND HAVE EVERYONE PILE IN THERE, ALONG WITH OUR REMAINING INTACT MUSICAL EQUIPMENT, MY BAT HORDE AND ANY WOUNDED LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE CARRIED TO SAFETY BY THEIR COMRADES-IN-METAL. ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO REDECORATE IT TO LOOK AS KULT AS POSSIBLE.
HAVE THE SOUND GUY RIG THE BUS'S SOUND SYSTEM TO PUMP OUT BLACK METAL AT THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE VOLUME, TO MAINTAIN OUR VARIOUS BUFFS AND BONUSES AS WELL AS HEALING OUR INJURIES, THEN LET'S PEEL OUT OF HERE AND DRIVE SWIFTLY ACROSS TOWN IN SEARCH OF ANOTHER SUITABLE VENUE OR A MUSIC STORE AT WHICH WE CAN RESUPPLY, GLEEFULLY PLOUGHING THROUGH ANY GAMES WORKSHOP NERDS, CHRISTIAN PRIESTS, GIRAFFES OR INNOCENT BYSTANDERS ALONG THE WAY
EDIT: OR GOATSBY. ESPECIALLY GOATSBY.
ACTUALLY, IF I SEE GOATSBY ON THE WAY, TRY AND SEVER HIS HEAD AND STICK IT ON FRONT OF BUS.
WOULD LOOK METAL AS FUCK.
"TODAY YOU DIE, EXPERIMENT 1! YOU'RE FAR PAST YOUR EXPIRATION DATE!"
COMMAND OUROBOROUS TO ATTACK MILKDRINKER. HURL NUMEROUS BOLTS OF DESTRUCTIVE ENERGY AT MILKDRINKER AND HIS BATS.
"Sorcerers, concentrate along with Goatsby! Goatsby, show the truth of Chaos to these bats! Raptors, throw the bombs at metalheads," ordered Eliphas to his nearby troops.
Eliphas: Grab Milkdrinker by the leg, preventing him from knocking me down, then throw him into the crowd of the metalheads.
Main Army: Order to the sorcerers to make the portal to be resistant to conventional methods, then chant the warcries, giving us +1 to combat, then attack and drive the Americans out of the city. Also, send a squad of Raptors to kidnap the American general, before attacking the enemy.
Eliphas: If Milkdrinker is dead, go and join the main army. If not, shoot at him.
Note: Enlightened vampire bats will try to lift Spacelaser in the air, then drop him into the portal.
Templars and ghosts team up to destroy the sorcerers.
continue the ghost summoning.
(Templars and ghosts vs Sorcerers)
1vs5+1(Summon more ghosts)
5(Eliphas vs Milkdrinker)
2+1vs3(Sorcerers)
2,4(Chaos vs US)
5+1vs5(Raptor abduction)
2+1vs6(Ouroboros vs Milkdrinker)
5vs4(Goatsby vs Milkdrinker)
6vs4Adding the penalties here due to all the targets Milkdrinker is personally attacking.
(Trip Eliphas)
1-1vs3(Try to sever Goatsby's head)
1-1vs1(Fight Chaos on the way out)
4-1vs2(Metalhead retreat)
1(Steal bus)
3(Make bus metal)
6+1(Metal Zoo Bus ride to music store)
3(Anak)
6vs6Milkdrinker calls for a tactical retreat to get new ukuleles and gear. He then goes to sweep Eliphas's legs, but Eliphas grabs him and slings him into the crowd. Milkdrinker rises and slashes his spiked bracers into the jump packs of two Raptors. The unfortunate Marines are launched into the air after Milkdrinker hits a vulnerable point. Milkdrinker is then mauled and eaten alive by the uncurled Oroboros. He is freed when his loyal bats chew him out of the side. Milkdrinker leaps out before the hole can regenerate and charges at Goatsby in the hopes of getting his head for a hood ornament. It may have succeeded, but he slips on a bit of Oroboros gore still snagged around his leg. Goatsby blasts him again and again with divine blasts. Eliphas attempts to add a burst of Reaper fire, but his bullets melt in midair from the heat of Goatsby's attack. The Sorcerers at the zoo are unable to boost the portal's defenses any more than they already have, so they begin a chanted ritual to aid Chaos.
Milkdrinker lies barely moving in a smoking crater. Sound guy and Spacelaser grab him out of the crater and make a break for the zoo buses. No black ones, they're all leopard print and decorated with smiling jungle creatures. Only Milkdrinker, Spacelaser, Sound guy, and the bats make it to the bus. The remaining metalheads are cut off and bombed by the raptors. Some manage to escape after the Raptors run out of explosives. The band then has a wild ride through the streets of Genericville as the war continues and they set up Ukulele Metal decorations. The decor makes it a bit harder to drive, but it looks a lot more metal. Chaos retakes the areas previously seized by the Americans. Some Raptors attempt to abduct the giraffe general, but his anti-reptilian training allows him to overcome and kill his attackers. The bus passes through a battle on Main Street where the Knights Templar and Napoleonic ghosts battle Sorcerers. The attack goes poorly and the Sorcerers seize control of the minds of the 5th and 7th ghost regiments. The sky then fills as all the other ghosts of Napoleon's armies rise up. Before the bus can see what happens next, they crash into the music store. A TV set to the news depicts footage of Anak's troops battling the reinforcement lines of the Americans.
TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2You produce another world-fixing solution equation, but this one is expressed as an epic poem. Into the bin it goes.
Get to the rooftop. Drive/fly van to Genericville.
2(Zombie batttle)
3vs6You go for the roof, but the zombies charge down the stairs and cut you off. You and your fellow Horseman are separated in the confusion.
Send my followers to plunder the city off milk.
5Your followers head out. Much of the milk has already been plundered by the other recent events, but they bring you all the remaining unclaimed milk in the city.
Didn't that alternate Earth get sucked into an alternate dimension?
Depending on what he says, do the following:
Put on the new, more advanced power armor.
Contact the nearest undeployed contingent of Ultramarines via vox and order them to acquire a Battle Barge. Go whererver the Emperor tells me to. If it is to the alternate Earth, also acquire the 13th penal legion to come with us.
1The Emperor informs you that while the alternate Earth vanished for a short while, it has returned. You don your armor and gather the Ultramarines and the Last Chancers aboard a Battle Barge. You set out on your mission. The Barge is hit by a warp storm on the way. You make it through and arrive in Earth's orbit. The planet looks much different from how you left it. The world is missing all life signs except one species of animal that has overrun the planet. Your officers identify them as bloodsucking creatures called chupacabras. A massive energy signature seems to indicate some sort of superweapon abandoned on the planet's surface.
"Excuse me, I need that armor."
steal Ithadtam's armor and spear, and leave him with a T-shirt and some jeans. Attack the chupracabra menace before they eat my sheep!
(Stealing)
2(To battle)
5vs3Ithadtam's will prevents you from stealing the armor. Deciding the fight isn't worth your time, you casually dodge a kick from Rethi, summon your horse, and ride out to the chupacabras. Leaping out into the midst of the creatures, you start slicing your way through them.
"Alright then." Drive into city or whatnot, find a mechanic, pay him to fix the car with an invitation to the apocalypse party.
2You find a mechanic in a location well away from all the violence, but he refuses to take the invite as payment and demands actual money.
Drop-kick famine over to the Milkdrinker concert gone awry. Set off with ithadtam towards the fort we built during the good ol' days.
(Rethi vs Famine)
1vs2You nearly hit Rethi with your kick before he runs off on horseback. Oh well. You and Ithadtam make it to your fort. The remains of your army have fortified themselves here. The last stormtroopers salute you at the door and lets you in.
Redirect whatever energies that Hell is sending at the NEOOOOOOOO-DOOOOOOOOOOM MUUUUUUUG into pushing the mug through the dimensional boundary between Hell and Earth. Hopefully, in addition to sending the NEOOOOOOOO-DOOOOOOOOM MUUUUUUG back at Earth again, this will also open up a massive portal to Hell.
2You attempt to do so, but Satan assumes your attempt is meant to bring the mug down faster and prevents you from touching it.
Damn, to busy to post my action.
Lucifer and the other demons destroy the Neo Doom Mug and close the portal by leeching off the US's anti portal tool which closed all portals chaos made so it should close this one as well. Meanwhile, back in New York, I walk over to Tesla and tell him I have something to discus with him.
(Goatsby shut down that portal defense system last turn.)
(Lucifer and Co.)
3,6(Diablo)
2(Tesla vs Diablo)
3vs3Diablo remains dominant.
The demons continue to launch their defenses at the Mug.
+0.5 to impact. In a moment of fury, Satan puts up a barrier to prevent any travel out of Hell to close ATHATH's portal.
In New York, Diablo remains dominant. You walk up to Tesla and try to greet him. The inventor interprets your approach as a threat and fires his lightning cannon before you can speak. You are briefly staggered by the blow, but then you brace yourself and tank the cannon until its coils fry.
2 turns to Neo-Doom Mug impact.
Poll
16 (44.4%)
Author
Topic: Minimalism and Milk (Read 236285 times)